women's writes movement

CHEMICAL-FREEdom

2008-10-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Where in the World is Carmen San Diego and Dolly, right? Anyhoo, it's been soooo long since my last post, but here I am.

Well, this year’s election has been a firecracker in my brain and a rock in my gut; when I’m not reading news articles on the matter, I’m watching Hardball with the hubby every night. Chris Mathews -- yeah, great foreplay, eh? Anyhoo, I hope to post on politics, elections, and all that fun stuff soon, but right now my brain is liquefying and about to pour outta my nose, i.e., I need a break! And maybe you do too?? So, let me tell ya about something else I’ve been up to.

In addition to becoming vegetarian in Feb. (actually I still eat seafood so I don’t know what I am) I’ve also begun an exploratory mission to organic/chemical-free land. From the goop I slather onto my t-zone to what I wash my threads with, etc., I’m trying to seek out a more natural and, hopefully, healthier way of life. I’m only a seedling right now when it comes to earth based/friendly products, so mother earth or a guru I am not. But what I am is a person who’s becoming more and more conscious of the fact that many of the beauty products or home cleansers I can’t live w/out actually have some not-so-nice things in them. What things? Oh, things like parabens or harsh irritants that may cause advanced levels of toxicity in the body.

Listen, I know I may sound like a barefooted, tie-dyed hippie right now. Maybe there haven’t been enough tests to prove my Revlon eye shadow or Rimmel lip glaze will cause me to keel over at any given moment. And yes, there are many earth found elements, which may cause bad allergic reactions too, but for now I think I’m gonna take my chances with non-synthetic essentials. Not everything’s 100%, so no scare tactics here. Just my personal views as I try to eke-out a more natural me.

Listed below are some websites that have held my hand on the road to chemical-freedom. I’ve not only visited these sites many a’ time, but have tried many products that I’d swear by. Check ‘em out and God Bless!

**As this site isn’t centrally pointed to Dolly being organic, I won’t give in depth reviews of stuff bit if you see something of interest ask me, and if I’ve used it I’ll give you my opinion. ;-)

Beauty
http://parabenfreeprincess.blogspot.com/

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoOESvvcAP8

http://www.organicwearmakeup.com/en-us/product/product-catalog.html

Home
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/make-your-own-non-toxic-cleaning-kit.html

http://www.buysoapnuts.com/Natural-Laundry-Detergent.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjCtd1qcU9M

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-10-04T19:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry all, but due to the overwhelming, and ANNOYING, amount of spam this site has endured, WWM has now become a designated contributor site only. What does that mean? Well, if you'd like to post then you'll either have to rely on step 2, or email us with a valid email address and we can add you on the roll of contributors. Sorry about this lameness, but blame spam!! Evil, evil, spam! ThanX.

And thank you to all those steady and diligent posters!! You're awesome!!!

Hey, Good Lookin'

2008-06-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

The truth is that I love cooking for my boyfriend. Maybe I shouldn't, being a feminist and all. Maybe I ought to curl my lip and sneer each time he rolls his eyes upwards at me, like a hopeful puppy in search of a treat. I'm not your mother. I'm not the maid. There's the stove. There are the pans. You're a grown man - feed yourself.

I could say that ... but I don't think being a feminist means you're not allowed to look at a grocery store. Being independent means exactly that - you support yourself and that includes nourishment. I'm not the maid, but I don't employ one, either. Don't fret for me - Fifi's dinners would only pale in comparison to mine. The woman just doesn't love it like I do. And I do love it. What I love even more is how much he loves it.

I suppose it’s not so horrible. After all, I loved cooking for my (very female) college roommates, too. Cooking has always been one of my favorite ways to show affection. After graduation, it’s true that I relished the freedom of living alone but I must admit that there was very little excitement in the way of eats in those days. After all, what’s the fun in cooking for your lonesome? None, not even when your tupperware-d homemade dinners lure your co-workers to your desk, sniffing in envy. Ah, but serving up something lovely to a hungry boy who greedily scarfs down every bite? That’s pleasure.

The other day, my boyfriend told me that he is thrilled when I tell him I’m cooking dinner, that my "come hungry!" texts send him into a tizzy of wonderment. I freely admit the confession made me giddy with delight.

You see, my take on it is that my love of cooking for this man isn’t about female submission; it’s about female dominance. I’ve tasted the man’s cooking and clearly, I am the King of the World.

sigh

2008-05-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought that I didn't have anymore hate in my heart to give...they (evil corp. networks) go & give Denise Richards her own show. Her personality is cancerous, and she is a terrible representation of a strong, independent female figure. Sigh. Apocalypse, I'm awaitin'!

Monthly

2008-05-23T06:00:00.001-07:00

If I may ... at the risk of sounding crude ....

Three Reactions to Receiving One's Monthly Visitor

Thank god.
Ugh, this again.

and, the nearer you are to 35:

Well, there goes another one.

It gets more and more like that each month.

What a pretentious bitch!

2008-05-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

I'm still laughing. Allow me to explain the title of the blog entry: One of my friends told me this over the weekend after I told him about one of the questions I have been considering as my date-screening question. E.g., the question that helps me determine where to categorize potential dates and romantic interests. It would not necessarily be the ice-breaker question, but something to be asked in the second or third conversation or something.

This is the most honest feedback I got about it so far. And after a discussion and more careful thinking, I concur. "What is your favorite NPR program?" IS pretty pretentious and could make a potentially awesome guy get up and walk away in disgust, whether he listens to NPR or not. In my defense, I knew this when I developed the question... it is more a question to gauge how he responds. Knowing what NPR is and which program he likes is not as important as how this question is answered. I've asked it 3 times so far, all via online chat, actually. All 3 responded with "hahaha" or "lol." I bet the thought that immediately followed the question was, "What kind of girl asks that kind of date-screening question?" Or more specifically, "What a pretentious bitch!" :)

In conclusion, I am in the middle of crafting a new date-screening question. I'm going to test out, "What is your favorite beer [sub: ice cream]?" Am I lowering my standards too much?

Porn on your partner's computer

2008-04-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Link located in title. I tend to agree with most of the blogger's points and feelings about the place of porn in a relationship. Divine Caroline is a great site!

Denim Day in LA 2008

2008-04-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.denimdayinla.org/

Peace Over Violence is proud to present the 10th Annual Denim Day in LA 2008, a campaign to raise awareness and educate the public about rape and sexual assault. It takes place on Wednesday April 23, 2008.
In 1998, an Italian Supreme Court decision overturned a rape conviction because the victim wore jeans. People all over the world were outraged. Wearing jeans became an international symbol of protest against erroneous and destructive attitudes about sexual assault.
Last year, on Denim Day an unprecedented 300,000 people signed up to wear jeans in support of raising awareness about the need to end sexual violence. This year we aim to at least double that amount.
This day in the schools, offices and streets of Los Angeles County we unite against rape of girls, women, boys and men. We stand in support of survivors. We break the silence to end sexual violence.
On Denim Day in LA wear your jeans as a visible sign of protest against the myths that still surround sexual assault!

http://www.peaceoverviolence.org/

Betty, Betty, Betty

2008-04-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

My turn to post something belated yet fantastic! I realize this clip is several weeks old but I can't help it - I live in Japan and don't find out about this stuff until it's too late. Still, relevance is relevance.

I present to you Betty White on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - vital, looking fantastic, sharp as a tack, smashing expectations, and - at 86 - still relevant. May we all achieve the same.

Natalie Portman is my hero (for today).

2008-04-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is old (circa 2006), but I still thought it hilarious.

The Hypocrisies of the Day

2008-03-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

For all the moaning and crying I did about how I never felt my mother accepted me for who I was, I certainly do my share of not accepting her for who she is, either.
I tell everyone I'm from New York City, but I'm really from backwater Florida - I just lived in New York for 8 years. I call New York City my home town because it's the only place that ever really felt like it. But it's not. Not really.
I tell people I'm a writer but I'm not - I'm an English teacher who has never published anything creative.
I've complained about high maintenance women my whole life but recently realized I've had 3 professional massages this year.
After 2 months of doing my best to eat organic and preaching the evils of enriched wheat, I'm back to eating as much junk as I ever did before. Somewhat like my year-long stint of boycotting all animal-tested products. "Blah blah blah" - that's the sound my self-righteous gibberish.

That'll do for now. Really. That'll do.

Dealbreakers

2008-03-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation with some friends about stinky feet in a movie theatre and the subject shifted to things that a person would do/be in order for us to not call them back after the first date... or break up with them if we were together. So i started contemplating my own list of "dealbreakers." i didn't really need to have one for the past 15 years of serial monogamy, so i decided it was time to put it in concrete terms for my adventures in dating. Here's what I have so far (feel free to add to this--it should be a lively discussion):

Depression
Drug or alcohol addiction
For these two, it's a matter of being an equal partner in a relationship. It's really unfair for one person to be the Rock all of the time. Love and emotional support should balance out.

Treats people like shit, a.k.a. asshole
Openly violent and adamantly racist, sexist, anti-gay statements
These things are ugly. I was talking to a guy recently about making dinner plans. Went something like this--
K: Where do you want to go for dinner? I know of a really good place for cheap.
Guy: Why don't we just meet at my house and you can cook for me? I'm hungry.

Ugly grill: to the point of tooth decay, gum disease and halitosis
Shorter than me
Yes, yes, call me a superficial bitch, but I think these things are important for intimacy. (e.g. kissing while standing) I'm not that tall to begin with, so it would be some feat to be shorter than me.

If he tries to tell me who i can see/talk to/hang out with
It's such a turn off for my partner to tell me what to do or how to live my life, especially if he says he doesn't want me to hang out with certain friends. If you don't trust me, stay away. If you're controlling, stay away.

If he hates my family.
It's somewhat bearable if my family thinks he's only so-so, but if he adamantly hates any member of my family for it he needs to go. It goes back to treating people with dignity and respect.

Bedroom incompatibility
Goes without saying.

That's all I have so far. I'd love to hear your stories!

Cupcakes

2008-02-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

... I'm jealous.

Decade - a Post Named After My Favorite Duran Duran Album Which I Was Listening to Compulsively 10 Years Ago

2008-02-06T05:52:00.001-08:00

10 years ago today, February 6th, 1998, I was waiting frantically by the computer, hoping AbwehrKanone66 would come online. It was his birthday - I wanted to wish him a happy one and see if he'd gotten the birthday card and stuffed manatee I'd sent him. AbwehrKanone66 was, for all intensive purposes, my first love - really an infatuation but at 18 and in the throes of infatuation's passionate grip for the first time ever, I didn't know the difference. We were meant to be.

AbwehrKanone66 appeared. He had gotten my gift and was thrilled. I never thought I could be so happy - I was basking in the glow of what I felt was a mutual, loving attraction. When things went terribly wrong shortly thereafter, I was gutted, devastated, took to wearing black from head to toe and lost 25 pounds in a matter of weeks. I started college weighed down by a pall of heartbroken misery and constantly thought back to the few short months when things had seemed beautiful. I thought, too, about the stupid manatee - a complete waste of caring sentiment on such a lying, cheating manchild.

With time, things improved, as they always do. I slowly began to date - first, a college sweetheart and, after our breakup, strings of pompous, drunken New York City nimrods. I suffered through another lethal unrequited infatuation at the age of 23 and once rid of that, like a mangy dog shaking off its aggressive fleas, I tried my hand at dating again only to be annoyed by more New York City idiots. At 26, I swore off romance for good. I was, after all, heterosexual poison. My history had shown me no other possibility.

One and a half years after that declaration, and 10 years to the day after I waited, pining by the computer, for the ultimately poisonous and deceitful AbwehrKanone66 to flash onto my screen, my boyfriend and I gave a real estate agent our "okay" for an apartment we would like to move into. It is more than twice the size of the ones we live in now, half the price, and in a location mere steps away from the train station. Best of all, we get to be together all the time.

We're crazy about each other. My parents will each surely give birth to identical white mewling kittens when they discover my plans but after much thought, moving in with my long, lean Irish beau only seems natural.

This, I could never have imagined.

Are you a pink, or a blue state?

2008-02-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

Sheer stimulation encircles my brain, and a deep delight cradles my heart as I behold a female and African American vie for democratic presidency. We can finally see the fruits of the feminist and civil rights movements being plucked from such an overripe crop as Hillary and Obama reach for a previously Anglo-male prize.

Yet, over-zealous “hurrahs” do not draw me to my key pad. What intrigues me about the 2008 presidential race is that despite both aspirants representing marginalized groups, are the age old partialities of men vs. women still rooted deeply among voters? Is patriarchy still plaguing America’s collective consciousness and, I wonder, does gender bias exceed racial discrimination.

I don’t know.

If past instances are a precedent for today’s outcomes, then a person could conclude that Mississippi’s Hiram Revels, the first black male to be elected senator in 1870 and Arkansas’ Hattie Caraway, the first female, voted senator in 1932, shows that an African American male was revered as a more suitable candidate for politics before a female. Similarly, the 14th and 15th amendments gave black males the right to vote 50 years before women, showing that racial barriers are not made from the same materials as gender bias.

Still, what true feelings resonate in the hearts of American voters?

In Faye Fiore & Peter Nicholas’ recent LA Times article, The question that almost wasn't asked , a New Hampshire woman, Marianne Pernold Young, asked Hillary during a Q&A, "As a woman, I know it's hard to get out of the house and get ready. My question is very personal. How do you do it?" Hillary’s response was a misty eyed, “It's not easy, it's not easy,” which highlighted her softer side, and gave way to a response about her sincerity in wanting to shape a better America. Pernold Young sympathized with Clinton. Who wouldn’t, right?

In my private life I feel the constant pressure to appear put together and without normal human weakness. And, as a woman in the work force, I have had male bosses spout, “Women are too emotional…irrational,” and “I’ve never understood women.” Thus, I try to iron out the emotional creases in my public-self so that my male counterparts can shed the idea of me being overemotional and therefore, the weaker sex. And, when I try to show empathy, I’m often viewed as being motherly; when I show openness, I’m the over-sensitive girl. Conversely, if I stand my ground or delegate, I’m bitchy; when I remain resolute, I’m cold and unresponsive. Likewise, as soon as Clinton shed her vulnerable side and delved back into serious political issues, Pernold Yound was disenchanted and decided to vote for Obama.

Why the drastic turn?

After Clinton’s choked up response, Times writers posed the query: Had [Clinton] managed to appear human without appearing frail? Fiore and Nicholas unwittingly salted the issue of an ongoing female plight: Is it possible to resolve the Betty Crocker vs. crazy bitch dichotomy? To put it more mildly, can a woman resolve showing sensitivity, or vulnerability without appearing weak, and can she be firm without being labeled unhuman? Can a woman cohesively blend her stern and sensitive sides while still managing to escape being dubbed as either devoid of feeling, or a frail, overemotional train wreck?

A woman is multifaceted, but if she hints at vulnerability and sheds a tear or two, she’s judged as someone who fuels decisions and strategies with emotion and not rationalization. And when she shows objective, hardnosed strategy she is deemed impassive or as Simone points out amid her post, a bitch. These aspects upset me.

I am upset that the compartmentalization or polarizations of female facets leave womankind stranded on and Isle of suppressed potential. It upsets me that, especially in public, a woman has to appear put together and without flaw but at the same time be a non-threatening, sensitive, mother-like figure; ironically, when a woman tries to toggle back and forth between the two personas she alienates those around her who want Marry Poppins in combat boots, but can’t handle the reality of such a figure.

Listen, I’m not trying to box everyone in, or claim that the whole U.S. feels the way Pernold Young, or whoever else might feel. I’m merely exploring one of the hardships that women (in power) endure. And yes, I’m fully aware that racism rages on to this day. Maybe I’m wrong on all accounts of such bias…I hope so.

Also, my intentions were not to espouse my political agenda or rally for a certain candidate because, truthfully, I’m not sure who I’ll cast my vote for. For me, at the end of the day, it’s not woman vs. man. I follow right vs. wrong and besides, what kind of feminist would I be if I didn’t follow truth and righteous.

"stop bein' a bitch and come on!"

2008-02-03T14:37:00.000-08:00

i am in the process of recording some voices for a short animated piece. as the only woman involved in this process, i was the only one who was dismayed to read the word "bitch" in the script, in reference to a woman. (there's also an exchange involving the phrase "don't rape me!" which i absolutely refuse to say...but that's a whoooooole 'nother story...)

with a number of other colorful expletives at our disposal in this day and age, why is it that 'bitch' is always the default insult hurled at women?

when i meditate upon my own usage of the term, i realize i use it for two distinct purposes:
1) in a self-deprecating manner, when referring to behavior i am not proud of, e.g., "god, i am being such a bitch right now!"
2) when describing a man who is displaying behavior i believe to be unacceptable. please refer to exhibit a, the title of this post, which is a direct quote from the 90's film friday.

i feel no qualms about using 'bitch' to refer to myself or men i dislike, but i am careful not to use it in reference to other women, even those who i may dislike with a fervent passion. in my mind, doing so would be out of line with my feminist ideals. bitch, like slut, is a word that i try to avoid using, period...well, except when it is used to describe a man or men, in which case i use it with reckless abandon! (what a sexist hypocrite i am!)

all of this makes me think about 'bitch' is defined in our culture. to me, it seems that bitchy women are usually conceived of as those who either a) possess too many 'manly' characteristics (assertive, bold, tough), or b) are just evil and conniving in ways that only women can be (epitome of the mean-ass woman from hell). with this in mind, my conception of the male bitch turns the former definition on its head. a bitchy man is weak and lacks figurative balls - characteristics generally attributed to women, but in my definition only describes a particular breed of jackass man. in plain and simple terms, he's a weenie and a wimp.

this whole thing feels somehow connected to the way in which i delight in using male-derived phrases like "don't break my balls" or happily commenting that badass girls with moxie "have cohones." it's too bad i don't derive the same pleasure from reciting sassy phrases referring to my own, true female anatomy...why is that? maybe one day, i'll be confident and bold enough to say things like, "i got tits" and have it not be a sexual thing...but will there ever be a day when women's bodies will become less hypersexualized? sigh. not likely, in my book.

in the end, i managed to have 'bitch' removed from the scene in question. it was replaced with a snide, sneering 'sweetheart'...such a small victory, but a feather in my cap nonetheless!

* special thanks to taberlykim for writing the grrrreat piece below, which finally inspired me to get off my behind and WRITE SOMETHING! you are a badass, and you definitely have cohones! *

Marking the occasion

2008-01-31T22:40:00.000-08:00

This feels like a post for women's writes....

I finally decided, now with more conviction than ever, how I want to permanently mark my body. It was my second to last day in Saigon and it came to me so clearly as I lay, meditating about the meaning of my trip and my direction in life. Colorful: like orange red fire with blue and green accents. About the size of a pomelo's diameter. Think: art like that of Chris Nunez on Miami Ink, Right shoulder blade. Kickass.

Background info lifted from web research, which I did after I had my revelation:
The Phoenix is usually depicted as a bird of great beauty and luxuriant plumage. In mythology (probably mix of western and eastern) the Phoenix would build a nest of aromatic twigs, set fire to itself, and be consumed in the funeral pyre of it's own making. After three days the Phoenix would arise from the ashes, reborn. The phoenix represented the victory of life over death.

As a tattoo symbol, the Phoenix can be found in many tattoo genres, but of the Far East in particular. It is a symbol of resurrection, rebirth and regeneration. It also represents purification and transformation through fire and adversity.

. . .

My exact thought/resolution was that I was to be fabulous from that point on, to show the world what I am and what I have to offer without reservation. It was such an empowering thought. At the beginning of January, I symbolically proposed marriage to myself and now I want something to show the world how fierce I can be, and a reminder of my commitment.

My life is for me. And instead of wondering whether I'm #3 or #347 on another's priority list, I will be my own #1 Girl.

Check Yourself

2007-12-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

The latest news from back home is that a former co-worker of mine, a 32-year old woman, was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

By now, we've all heard that breast cancer strikes earlier and earlier but, for me at least, it was an urban legend; the stuff of made-for-TV movies and Marie Claire articles. This is the first time it's ever hit close to home.

Check yourself, girls.

That Darn Biological Urge ...

2007-11-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

Among the many things I have done in attempts to rid myself of my stubborn, disgusting acne:

visited 4 dermatologists
used various topical ointments
taken various antibiotics
taken birth control
entertained religious thoughts
used at-home peels
wasted thousands of dollars on over-the-counter products
applied masks made of aspirin, egg yolk and honey
trolled acne message boards day and night
learned how to read cosmetic product ingredient lists in search of comedogenic components
performed wildly unsuccessful "acne surgery" at home
exfoliated with Scotch tape
used unknown acne supplements from skincare boutiques
used vinegar, straight, as a toner
swallowed vinegar
gone on a no wheat/no dairy/no processed sugars/no junk food diet

The last attempt is the most recent, borne out of desperation. Despite all my attempts, the acne is still there after 15 years and thousands of dollars and I've recently noticed a good bit of ice pick scarring on my cheeks; hence the no-holds-barred stab at altering my diet. Despite being loved by friends and family and having a boyfriend who constantly tells me I'm sexy, I'm feeling uglier than I have in decades.

As I fret, research, put extra effort into my appearance to distract from the spots and eschew a delicious pasta product that I crave, I sometimes think to myself how fortunate I really must be. Not fortunate to have persistent and ugly acne, of course, but fortunate enough to have such an easy life that I can become obsessed with my looks. Witness: in researching volunteer projects I'd like to take part in next year, not ONE of the "relief" projects in Tanzania, Cambodia, Costa Rica or Chile involves "Bolstering Self Esteem" or "Sexy Makeovers."

I soothe my guilt by telling myself that my vanity is a biological urge and cannot be helped. Species are driven to carry on their genes and they do this through natural selection. I must be fit if I am to be considered a desirable partner for DNA recombination. No one, I am sure, will want to chance passing on skin like mine. Or turkey thighs like mine. Or my puffy hair.

So there. I do not combat disease or hunger or bad breakups or financial misery but I do plenty of combat in the fight to carry on my genes.

Now back to the vinegar and green vegetables .....

Hell yeah

2007-11-16T10:29:00.000-08:00

Great News, curvy women! I'm so glad I broke out of the eating disorder phase of my negative body image issues.

(click on the title of the post)

New, Old

2007-11-02T04:28:00.000-07:00

It is strange to look at the scuffed, painful, ugly and dowdy shoes in my closet and remember a time many years ago when I first spied them in the store window and stopped short, heart in throat, wondering just who at Nine West had read my mind and produced the exact black leather pumps with round toes and 4 inch high stacked heels that I had been dreaming of.

And I would rather walk the spit, dust and gum-strewn streets barefoot than wear them now.

Wounds still Fresh

2007-10-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

One of my friends sent this to me. I hear the message, but I don't know what to think yet.

Mayda Del Valle - To All The Boys I've Loved Before

calling all spammers

2007-10-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

we're not interested in your phony biz deals, lame ecards, lottery notifications or penis enhancements. i will continue to delete your posts whenever i find them, so please move on to the next site. try posting your trash elsewhere!

Completely Useless?

2007-10-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

The other day, between classes, I told another teacher that I am planning on taking the annual Japanese Language Proficiency Test this December. Never you mind what level, especially when I tell you that the teacher I was talking to is taking the highest level of the test. Since Japanese is one of the hardest languages for native English speakers to learn (3 systems of writing plus grammar that is just about the inverse of what exists in English), the simple act of saying, "I am taking the 1-kyuu level exam" tends to have the effect of evoking a silent, reverent hush among the Westerners in the room. I nudged my piddly low level exam preparation book to the recesses of my purse, thoroughly shamed that I had even thought to tell her I was taking the exam. After all, she knows over 1000 Chinese symbols, multiple thousands of Japanese words and has mastered enough Japanese vocabulary and its twisted, devious grammar to read a newspaper. I wasn't worthy; I wasn't worthy ...

My coworker saw that I was impressed and immediately began to denigrate her skills. She was taking the 1-kyuu, sure, she said, but there was no way she'd pass. It took her 6 years, after all, to learn 1000 kanji* and now she had 2 months to learn 1000 more. "It is," she declared, "impossible."

*Chinese symbols used heavily in Japanese writing

"Oh, it can't be," I said. "You've already come so far. And how fantastic that you've learned so much Japanese in the first place!"

Here, my coworker grimaced. "It honestly isn't that great," she said. "As a matter of fact, I didn't recommend it, considering that learning Japanese is really sort of useless."*

"Useless!" I was flabbergasted. "What do you mean?"

(*Let me pause here to state that before she declared the study of Japanese "useless", my coworker told me she was having an "I hate Japan" day - very common for ex patriots. That said ... )

"It's useless," she continued, "because for the insane amount of work it takes for a native English speaker to even learn the language it just isn't worth it when you'll probably never have the opportunity to use it once you move back home."

My coworker had a point. Realistically speaking, how exactly is Japanese going to help either of us when we move away, beyond helping us speak to waiters at Japanese restaurants and impressing Japanese friends, or the random nihonjin we meet? Myself, I'll never have the sort of job where I have to deal with Japanese businessmen and I really don't foresee myself marrying into a Japanese family. So why even try to master Japanese grammar?

I started studying Japanese in the first place because I didn't want to be an ignorant Ugly American who stomped all over the culture and ran around further embarrassing her people by insisting on speaking English to shopkeepers. Furthermore, I hated depending on my Japanese-speaking friends (all men) to speak for me. Lastly, I love languages and especially love learning anything new. And I love learning new things because, ultimately, though I see her point, I am not like my coworker on her "I hate Japan!" day.

You see, I don't think there is such a thing as "useless knowledge."

"Random facts," "useless knowledge": these terms are popular in American culture. People who can quote scientific equations or name the number one hits of cultural icons from the 40s are sniggered at - until they win cool millions on Jeopardy, of course. Learning skills you don't actually use or being an Arts major in college is especially scoffed at. What will you ever do with a head full of theory? our parents, friends, and parents' friends complain. Computers; go into computers. Or business. Something you can touch. Double major - why?

I double majored in college - two majors that could only be considered "useless" - English and Paleoanthropology. Granted - the latter is hardly a "useless" field but if you aren't planning on entering it then the hours spent in the lab, the papers sweated over, the numerous primate taxa memorized do start to seem un-worth it. I double majored because I was fascinated in evolution, stones and bones - I needed to know more. I also wanted to study literature because I saw myself as a novelist, from the time I was small. I wasn't particularly interested in working for newspapers so English, rather than the rule-heavy Journalism, was really all that fit, even if it didn't necessarily translate itself to a sure-fire job once I graduated.

Five years later, I'm proud to report that I've been making a living ever since I graduated; first at TV Guide and then as an editor at a media research company that went from a start up in Chinatown to a swanky operation on Park Avenue. Today, I'm an English teacher living abroad and since I moved to Japan my creativity is higher than ever. No, I have never been required to discuss Shakespeare or Faulkner at my jobs but just because I am not required to discuss them doesn't mean I don't. I'm never far from someone who loves to read as much as I do and I've yet to find someone who is unimpressed by my knowledge of human and primate anatomy. I love the things I learned and even if I did feel disgruntled during the lean times when I was out of work nothing could ever take from me the ecstasy I felt each time I was inspired by Hemingway or examined the unmistakable evidence of the valgus knee in an archaic hominid.

Any fool will tell you that knowledge is power. Most of us will never have the opportunity to use what we learned in science camp to create a bomb out of chocolate and foil, but for those of us who live simple, quiet lives, our hard work is usually reward us through the sweet, random little life surprise.

Hands-down, my favorite thing about life is the sweet, random little surprises. Let me illustrate: at 15, you buy a blue T-shirt at Wet Seal with the image of a frizzy-haired woman you can't place so you ask your mom and discover that it's Gilda Radner, star of Saturday Night Live in the 70s. You develop an interest and research her career, discovering a genuine admiration for the woman's comedic gifts. At 20, you meet a woman in a coffee shop while wearing that old T-shirt who is so impressed she comments on it. She loves Gilda Radner, she gushes. Gilda was her favorite comedienne - ever. You chat it up and before you know it, you find a wonderful new friend who, actually, later introduces you to the man who will become your new boss at a time when you are desperate for work. Surprise!! Thank you, Gilda and Wet Seal.

All right, so maybe that's an extreme example but I'm sure the general pattern is familiar; or at least I hope it is because the random little surprise is such a sweet part of life. The random little surprise ... so very often brought about by a shared or obscure knowledge gleaned at some point when it seemed completely unimportant.

Here, some examples from my own life:

At 13, I decided to write a novel. It would be set in Germany and take place during World War II. My protagonist would be Jewish and, of course, she would be sent to Auschwitz*. I read everything I could find on the Holocaust, Judaism and even started trying to learn German.

*Please ignore the ludicrousness of this idea - I was 13, after all, and I had great ambition.

When I was 15, I realized how fabulously ridiculous and offensive my nearly-completed novel was. I was a 15 year old girl surrounded by Catholics and Protestants in a Florida town that had, perhaps, 5 Jewish families. I'd never starved, I knew nothing about life. How could I possibly write a novel about the Holocaust??? I set aside my hard work, burning with shame. Oh, the waste of all those hours in the library, fueled by creative passion and empathy.

Three years later, I became infatuated with a half-Jewish man who was living in Germany and obsessed with World War II. He laughed at what he called my "scheiss German" but was impressed with my other knowledge. Our relationship was poisonous and things ended badly, but nonetheless, my research at age 13 had not been in vain. I moved to New York at 18, where I was surrounded by Jewish people and got plenty of opportunity to expand my knowledge of their culture. Just the other day, I met a German tourist in Thailand who was impressed that I knew various cities in Germany - things learned from my time with the World War II nut.

In college, as I stated, I studied Paleoanthropology. It hasn't earned me a dime (... yet) but it has made impressed countless acquaintances and made me extremely aware of my anatomy. On a crowded train with no straps to grab, I tuck my knees in towards each other since I know that part of the reason H. sapiens can stand upright is because our femurs are slanted inwards (the valgus knee), which affects our center of gravity. As the train jostles, I give my center of gravity a little help. I never, ever fall.

At 6, I decided I was going to be an author and taught myself to type on the typewriter in my father's office. I soon discovered that I was extremely fast at it and after taking a typing course my Freshman year of high school, I could literally type over 100 words per minute with my eyes shut. At 27, I have no creative work published but since I was 20, I have run a transcription side business that brings in at least a couple of thousand extra dollars per year. No, I'm not an author ... but was learning how to type useless? I think not. And who knows ... I might write that novel yet.

No knowledge is useless; it only depends on how open you are to using it and how large you expect your reward to be. Sometimes we use it in a small way, sometimes we use it in a large way. Your mosaic of knowledge makes you who you are. We can never, ever know what opportunities will arise or how anything we know now can help us. Good Boy and Girl Scouts fill their minds and are always prepared. You don't have to be an ace at building fires to shine - although I do recommend learning things like tying slip knots and building fires. Just look at those poor folks on Lost. Again, fictional, but ....

My boyfriend is Irish. Years ago, I worked in an Irish bar with a number of his countrymen. I learned a lot of Irish slang, that a fantastic Irish TV show called Father Ted existed, the fact that Catholics call the Northern Irish city "Derry" and Protestants call it "London Derry," and a number of folk tunes. At the time, I was angry and humiliated to be working as a waitress when I had a double bachelor's in Arts from NYU. I look at it now as getting a head start.

But if my relationship with Colm doesn't work out, I suppose could meet and marry that Japanese boy yet. In any case, I'll be ready.

gee golly goodness, granny!

2007-10-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Doris Lessing wins Nobel for literature - Yahoo!

News http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071011/ap_on_en_ot/nobel_literature

simone sent me this link today...coolness! pls, check it out :)

The Aftermath

2007-10-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

How do you deal with the break up of a relationship that lasted longer than all your previous relationships combined? Yes, these are relative terms.... I'm talking 6 years.

Preaching to the (culturally-aware) choir

2007-10-02T13:33:00.001-07:00

I do apologize for being totally AWOL. I have since started medical school, and because this is the week of our first exam, I am SERIOUSLY PROCRASTINATING! But also, we started a new unit in our "fuzzy" half of the curriculum, and an event in today's class particularly bothered me. I've copied the post I wrote on my own blog, below.

Wish me luck! It all goes down Friday!

**********

Today, we began the small-groups sessions of our Communications class. This is where we're going to learn to gain patients' trust, built empathy, and overall communicate effectively. Part of this class requires us to research some "difficult topic", and then make a presentation to the group and practice the scenario with a patient instructor.

My school is starting this new program, a pilot, really, where they want to introduce culturally sticky situations into the repertoire of uncomfortable topics and situations. So, during our first small-group session, today, in the midst of our introducing ourselves to each other and talking about our backgrounds, one of the course's co-directors came in to talk about this program. At the end, she passed out the handouts that explained the pilot and asked interested parties to take one.

Everyone did EXCEPT the two white-male students in the group.

After everyone talked about where they were from, including those of us born in or have traveled extensively abroad (at least three of us), it just does not seem right. Here in medical school, you should be learning to deal with people from other cultures, and it shouldn't be optional. You're not really going to have the option of excluding cultural groups from your practice*, so shouldn't you be learning how to "be respectful at all times" within a variety of contexts? No, not an exhaustive course in the nuances of every cultures, but rather an idea of the variance in interpretations of major life crises and sickness.

Maybe it is because these two men intend to practice in their home states, somewhere rural, maybe. An all-WASP town. However, you're here now. You're in Chicago, with the largest Hispanic population outside Los Angeles, with social problems of gentrification, amongst other aspects and issues of diversity. You can't hide from it.

It's not even a matter of the school's curriculum, although I think there are limitations to that - there's a couple sessions (a handful of hours) of cultural sensitivity training in the spring. But in a room where you are the only WASPs amongst your peers, it's a slap in the face of everyone else that you passed the stack of sheets on - totally uninterested in (or most likely oblivious to) bridging the gap - and passed on the opportunity to seem empathetic within your own classroom. Honestly, if you're going to be offensive to your peers on the first day of class, I can only wonder how you, after you have the "M" and "D" next to your Anglican surname, will treat the patients whose names you cannot pronounce, who you may have to speak to with an interpreter, or who are scared and apprehensive or overly obedient because they come from another culture.

Will you show them the same kind of empathy you showed us today?

*No, you should not be excluding cultural groups from your practice. Unless you are racist. Which, if you are, that's a whole other ethical issue.

**********

Any questions/comments you want to direct specifically to me can be sent to: da period pan period jin atsign gmail period com.

Call Me a Hypocrite ...

2007-10-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

Technically, the video I am about to share with you should offend each and every one of us, as feminists. It shows - shock! horror! - a male publicly degrading a female. In his familiar eyes is a sadistic gleam and his barbed words are veiled in a friendly tone. To add to the horror, the aforementioned public degradation is an ambush. The female, to her credit, reacts with arguable poise and stands up for herself: "You're making me sad I came," she says. "You're hurting my feelings!" The audience is less than sympathetic - they roar with laughter each time the man licks his chops and delivers yet another carefully crafted attack.

So why am I not outraged at this display that occurred on national television, on a major American network? Why am I not sympathizing with the mistreated female? Why am I, instead, posting the video of this occurrence in this forum and about to hit you with what I intend to be the clincher for this blog post?

Because the man committing this act is David Letterman and the woman is Paris Hilton.

Call me a hypocrite if you want. Sorry, sisters - this is one time when I've gotta side with the boys.

Besides; Dave hasn't been this sharp in a long time.

Choices

2007-09-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today, as soon as he opened his eyes, I told my boyfriend:

"Good morning! My friend wants me to proofread an article for him so I might be busy for a little while. But you are welcome to take off your shirt and prance about for my amusement."

As soon as I said the words, I thought that perhaps I was being unfair and decided to give him another option:

"Or if you prefer," I said, "you can also make me breakfast."

He can never say I'm not a good girlfriend.

You Go, Girl

2007-09-22T23:21:00.001-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/us/politics/23dems.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

____________________________________________________________________________________
Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

http://searchmarketing.yahoo.com/

Spam, Lame Spam, Pointless Spam

2007-09-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

The Women's Writes Early-Fall Menu:

eggs and bacon
women's rights and bacon
feminism, credit card e-spam and bacon
thoughtful musings, real estate e-spam, wedding talk
bank e-spam, political issues, scam e-spam
drug pushing e-spam, personal recollections, feminist history

Click off, spammers. We have real work to do here.

Meat Market

2007-09-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

So I took a second job at one of the major Fitness Clubs in town. Yes, I should have seen it coming from a mile away, but UGH these men! I expected that I would make the acquaintance of some regular members because I would see them every day, and I did. It's also normal to have friendly conversations them about how life is going. BUT UGH (again!) the more open they are with their comments the more revoltng they are! esp. about women and other people who they think are unattractive. I'm not beyond trash-talking the people who are less-than nice or oh-so-power-tripping, but the people they insult are people they don't even know.

How naive it was to think that a gym could be a place free of thinking and compassion beyond the way people look or dress. DUH... 70% of the people that go there want to look bigger, smaller, more this or less that. 20% go there for that same reason but say it's to stay healthy (that's where I fit). and the last 10% are truly there to keep up their health or have fun on the courts.

Maybe it would help if I joined them in admiring the beautiful people.

NAH.

ACK!

2007-08-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

dear women's writes readers and contributors:

i apologize for any weird spam posts that you may have come across on wwm recently! dolly and i have both been making major life changes and haven't been able to monitor this site as closely as usual this week. we delete bogus spammy posts whenever we catch them...

happy reading and posting!

Feminist is not a Bad Word By: Courtney Phillips

2007-08-09T08:50:00.001-07:00

The word feminist has gone from possessing a revered meaning of female strength and pursuit of equality to being avoided and unclaimed by most of a generation. It is not uncommon to hear a woman say something along the lines of, “Well, I’m not a feminist, but…” and then talk about women deserving equal pay in the workplace. Let me be the first to break it to all of those women who are denying being feminists, but harbor beliefs that women deserve equality. You are a feminist. You just aren’t claiming the title.

There are so many misconceptions about feminism that many shy away from owning the title. The undoubtedly ridiculous stereotypes about feminists have cast a negative cloud over the entire feminist movement. Most of the stereotypes have to do with the appearance and attitude of feminists; some believe that in order to be a feminist you must be loud, abrasive, man-hating, lesbian, give up makeup and skirts, stop shaving, and abandon your religion. Collectively, our society agrees that stereotypes are bad, and in fact, most of us are taught not to stereotype groups of people at a young age. There are, however, always a few individuals that are representative of those negative stereotypes. For example, there are feminists who are loud and lesbian, (which isn’t a bad or harmful thing) just as there are some athletes who are scholastically challenged and some Americans who are gun-toting, overweight, and arrogant. Stereotypes are negative and insulting to any group of individuals, feminists included. A core belief within the ideals of feminism lies in personal choices and individuality. No woman or feminist fits neatly into any mold; feminists celebrate the personal freedom to look, live, and just be that way that you are most comfortable.

Now that we have figured out what a feminist is not, let’s discuss what a feminist is exactly. Feminism is the movement toward full social, political, and economic equality. Being a feminist is different for each person. It’s about each person (not just women) having enough information to make informed choices. It’s about not being limited to societal expectations. Feminism isn’t about women being more like men, or the two becoming one. Feminism recognizes that men and women are capable of different things, not based on gender, but on individuality. It’s about being liberated and making genuine choices. The focus on feminism needs to be on the freedom of choice, and not on the choices that any one individual makes.

Some people have problems reconciling the idea of being both religious and a feminist. Can one be a feminist and religious? Absolutely, yes one can be both. There are many feminists who also endorse the Bible. For example, although a Catholic may not personally believe in the use of birth control, he/she would not prevent others, Catholics or non-Catholics, from deciding for themselves whether or not to believe in or use of birth control. The problem is not with religion. The problem lies with the interpreters of religion. Specifically, the Vatican has made it difficult for an individual to comprehend being both religious and a feminist. The Bible does not directly promote inequality or interfere with human rights. Rather, the Vatican and other individuals have inappropriately used the Bible causing people to confuse the actual text of the Bible and what the interpreters have determined. There are groups who are devoted to helping feminists maintain the balance between their feminist beliefs and their religious beliefs. Catholics for a Free Choice is a group that is supportive of both religion and an individual’s choice. Their website, www.catholicsforafreechoice.org, opens with a quotation by Fances Kissling that reads, “Are we not capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time; of valuing life and respecting women’s rights”. The point is that no individual has to abandon their religious beliefs in order to be supportive of women’s rights.

Society seems to have forgotten that feminists were calling for action against the Taliban a decade before the September 11^th tragedy in New York. Feminists were paying close attention to the Taliban; particularly how they were denying basic human rights to women and girls and the negative impact that this had on them. Feminists were the only ones who were putting pressure on the U.S. government to intervene in order to stop the hostile reign. It wasn’t until September 11^th that others started paying attention as the feminists had been.

Feminists were active against domestic violence long before anyone else was talking about it. The federal government did not allocate any money to assist with ending violence against women until 1994. It was only after the brutal murder of the beautiful Nicole Brown Simpson that Americans as a whole began paying attention to this issue. Domestic violence is still a pervasive issue, so much so, that it is viewed independently of feminism.

Feminist is not a bad word. The term feminism has always been an ideological fire starter. In general, words that are associated with being either progressive or female tend to get degraded. If the word “feminist” were changed to something else, then over time that word would come to possess negative associations. Conservatives and right-wing supporters have captured the language in this way. For example, look to how the right-wing has manipulated the use of the term “pro life” in the debate on abortion. Would the abortion discussion be viewed differently if the pro-choice individuals had adopted the term “pro life” first, as in not wanting women to die from illegal abortions. Feminists are in pursuit of full social, political, and economic equality. Feminists have an important voice and should never be ashamed of their beliefs. Hasn’t our society learned to be accepting and tolerant of all individuals, feminists included? Being a feminist means living by your own convictions and living a self-respecting life. Feminists of the world, stand up, speak out and be proud.

Sources:

Catholics for a Free Choice, www.catholicsforafreechoice.org, email cffc@igc.apc.org

Delamotte, Eugenia. Women Imagine Change: A Global Anthology of Women's Resistance from 600 B.C.E. to Present. Routledge, New York, New York 1997.

Meeting the Mum

2007-07-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

In less than a week, my parents and brother are coming to Japan to visit me during our summer holiday. Words cannot express how excited I am - it will be the first time I've seen them since they bid me goodbye at the airport last January. I have reorganized my apartment-tini so that it will look super kawaii and am busily grilling my students for recs on where to take them (not that I don't have any ideas of my own after 7 months, but I'm always on the lookout for something new and cool). When my students and fellow staff members ask if I have any plans for the summer holiday, I am quick to tell them that my family is coming - my family is coming!

And yet, despite the glee, I feel twinges of panic. Said twinges swell up in tiny bubbles, cutting through my euphoria, threatening to burst when I think of the fact that not only are my folks coming to town next week, but so are my boyfriend's mother and brother. Thus, for the first time ever in my life, I will be meeting the mom. Or meeting the mum, rather - my boyfriend is from Ireland.

I met my boyfriend on my second day in Japan. He was my tall, adorable, unintelligible downstairs neighbor and we became fast friends. Within the next couple of months, romance bloomed and we are now about to hit the 5-month mark. For some reason, we are still in the 'honeymoon phase' of things and things are quite, quite excellent. This is my second 'serious' relationship - my first was quite some years ago, in college, and as my ex is Indian, he was careful to keep me as far away from his parents as possible. To be sure, I spent quite a bit of time with his very cool siblings, cousins and friends but, as he explained to me, Indian parents and children keep things such as relationships private unless a wedding is imminent. In the years between my ex and my current boyfriend, there were no relationships beyond flings - which is how I have gotten to the age of 27 without ever having met the parents.

27 and no parents met! Some might think this a most glorious state of being - from many accounts, parents can often upset a happy couple with prying, strict moral values, mewling about grand children/marriage and all around personality conflicts. I used to joke with my ex that I didn't mind never having met his parents - "Who needs the stress?" I would tease - even if I really longed to meet the people responsible for the quirky, grumpy Anish and was secretly hurt that, the one time he took me to his home town, he craned his neck at every intersection to make sure no one his parents knew saw us together. After we broke up during my Senior year of college, knowing that no parents would despise me was a comfort, even if I did worry about what his brother and sister and friends thought. For five years there were no boyfriends or parents in sight. And now, unexpectedly, my time has come.

Colm assures me that I have nothing to worry about. His mum isn't like crazy American moms, don't I know, like? She doesn't have anything out for her darling b'hoy's girlfriend. I'm sure he's right - the photos he's showed me reveal a darling looking woman whose gentle smile seems incapable of morphing into an anti-American girlfriend sneer. And quite honestly, I am really excited to meet Colm's mum and little brother. From what he's told me, they sound delightful and, of course, I want to meet anyone connected with him. I have a quiet dream of telling Ms. O'Doyle that she raised her son right and look forward to catching similar twinkles in their eyes over the cuppas of Barry's tea we might share in his apartment. Yet, I can't help but worry. Will she find my American way flat and uncharming? Will she look at my pimply skin and be unimpressed? Will she secretly think I am stocky or that I look strange next to her 6 foot tall son? Will she, like many others, be annoyed by my less-than-gentle world view and sarcasm? Most of all, will she think I am an aging woman ruthlessly enjoying a b'hoy toy? Neither Colm or I have mentioned to our parents that we're four years apart in age - with me his senior but I'm sure both sets of relatives will figure it out at some point during their visits. Not that it's something either of us are ashamed of - especially not Colm. For my part, I do worry about how we will be perceived, and any issues the age difference could stir up later on. But that's another story.

Tonight, I chatted with my brother over IM. In the past 11 years, my brother has been in four serious relationships and has successfully become part of his girlfriends' families each time. I asked him, "Diego? What are your best tips for meeting the mom?"

"Don't you mean 'the mum'? She's Irish, isn't she?"

"My bad."

"You want tips?"

"Yes," I tope, adding, "Colm isn't nervous at all about meeting you, ma, or dad. I really envy his calm."

"You shouldn't be nervous, either." said Diego. "You want tips? S***, just don't say anything stupid."

"That helps," I told my eternally charming brother.

"Ha ha, just kidding." he said. "Just talk like you'd normally talk. And smile. And act like you actually care about whatever stupid s*** they're talking about. Smile and nod."

"Well, I do care what Ms. O'Doyle has to say," I typed, slightly wounded.

"And you can knock off that kiss-a** act," Diego said.

Talk like I normally talk ... what kind of advice is that? Talking the way I normally talk has done nothing but get me in trouble ever since Catholic school. Smile and nod? She'll think I'm a ventriloquist's dummy! And then another thought troubles me even further: at 27, am I really still so insecure? I tell myself it's only because it's my first time. Everyone knows about the first time!

In the past, my friends have met their significant others' parents and fretted. "What will I wear? Will my boyfriend like my crazy family?" they asked me.

"Of course he will!" I always said. "And they'll all love you, too! How could they not!" Because I love my friends, I couldn't imagine how I could be wrong about this. How could they - wonderful, smart, beautiful - worry about what parents would think of them? Similarly, I can't imagine that my parents wouldn't like Colm. He's handsome, quiet, intelligent, and respectful. He has a good job, loves classical music and eats everything set in front of him (a big plus in my Italian parents' book). Already, my father has shown more interest in him than he ever showed in Anish and once my mother hears Colm talking in that seductive, Irish purr of his I imagine I'll have to pry her off of him.

I just wish I had the same calm about myself.

What will I wear, come to think of it? Something tells me that my fishnet stockings and red leather basque are the wrong choice.

I put the question to you. How did you win over your men's moms?

A WOMAN'S STORY ABOUT CERVICAL CANCER-SARAH K

2007-07-26T17:11:00.001-07:00

I RECENTLY READ THIS STORY OUT OF A TEXAS NEWSPAPER AND IT DEEPLY TOUCHED ME. AS SOMEONE WHO ADVOCATES FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS, I UNDERSTAND THE BATTLE FOR THE VACCINE FOR THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS. IT IS CRITICAL TO WOMEN'S HEALTH AND YOUNG GIRL'S HEALTH.

HEATHER BURCHAM WAS ONLY 31 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE DIED OF CERVICAL CANCER. SHE SPEND THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF HER LIFE IN PAIN DUE TO THE DISEASE. THROUGHOUT HER BATTLE OF THE DISEASE SHE SPOKE OUT STRONGLY FOR A NEW VACCINE THAT WOULD PROTECT WOMEN FROM MOST COMMON FORMS OF THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS. IT CAUSES CLOSE TO 70% OF ALL CERVICAL CANCER CASES.

SHE WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE OF GOVERNOR RICK PERRY WHEN HE MANDATED THAT ALL GIRLS ENTERING SIXTH GRADE IN TEXAS WOULD BE GIVEN THE GARDASIL VACCINE AS PART OF THEIR BACK-TO-SCHOOL IMMUNIZATIONS. THE GARDASIL VACCINE PROTECTS AGAINST THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS WHICH CAUSES CERVICAL CANCER. BURCHAM WAS SUPPORTIVE AND ONLY WANTED TO PROTECT OUR DAUGHTERS FROM CERVICAL CANCER.

UNFORTUNATELY, LAWMAKERS OVERTURNED THE GOVERNORS MANDATE. THERE WAS CONCERN THAT THE VACCINE WOULD ENCOURAGE GIRLS TO BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. GARDASIL NEEDS TO BE ADMINISTERED BEFORE GIRLS BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF POLITICS INTERVENING IN A MATTER THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT TO THE GOVERNOR. THE VACCINE CAN SAVE LIVES. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THAT SHOULD BE THE BOTTOM LINE.

PARENTS CAN TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND HAVE THEIR GIRLS RECEIVE THE THREE DOSE VACCINE OF GARDASIL. EVERY PARENT SHOULD WANT TO PROTECT THEIR DAUGHTER FROM GETTING CERVICAL CANCER.

HEATHER BURCHAM SAID "IF I COULD HELP ONE CHILD, TAKE THIS CANCER AWAY FROM ONE CHILD, IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME."

THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION ESTIMATE THAT ONE IN FOUR AMERICAN WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 14-59 IS INFECTED WITH THE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED HUMAN HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS, AND MOST DON'T KNOW IT. IT OFTEN TURNS INTO CERVICAL CANCER.

CERVICAL CANCER KILLS 10 AMERICAN WOMEN A DAY.

PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTERS AGAINST THIS KILLER CANCER FOR HEATHER BURCHAM AND ALL THE OTHERS WHO DIED OF CERVICAL CANCER.

heh!

2007-07-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Today's work attire: jeans, a tee, flip-flops, and long, dangly earrings.

Why? Because if FT employment won’t allow me to be at the beach, then I’m going to @ least dress, and pretend, like I’m there!

Ha!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HOMELESS LINK-SARAH

2007-07-24T04:53:00.001-07:00

Domestic Violence/Housing

There is a link between domestic violence and homelessness in America. Women who decide to leave their abusive partners have little economic resources. Economics is one of the main reasons women stay in an abusive relationships. Women that leave become low-income mothers. They are subjected to finding low-income housing that unusually does not exist. Most places have waiting list. The federal programs to assist women who are low income for housing have waiting list for up to 2 years. What is worse is that women are subjected to a zero tolerance for family members who commit crimes. So if a husband batters his wife she must also leave the premise. Therefore, the innocent victim of violence is homeless or sent to a domestic violence shelter if room is available. This law has recently changed.
Some women are able to gain some independence through the Welfare System. Women do face challenges within the system. In 1996, The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996 “mandated that women be employed with 24 months of initial enrollment in welfare and place a 5 year time limit on a woman’s ability to receive.” This was impossible for women to complete. This was a hinder to woman. Abusive partners saw this as a way for a woman to gain control in her life. Often, abusive partners would return and batter their partner again. Also, the welfare system did not allow enough time for victims of domestic violence to regain control of their life. (Baker, 758)

Today, many states have adopted the Family Violence Option. “It allows states to temporary waive time limits and work requirements for women who self-disclose domestic violence.” (Baker, 758) The problem with the act is its implementation. Caseworkers at the Welfare Office are not trained properly. Some caseworkers are resentful of the law because it gives them a larger workload. Changes in the implementation and the attitudes of caseworkers will allow domestic violence victims gain economic security.

The National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty in 2005 stated that 50% were homeless as a result of domestic violence. It stated in the survey that 92% of the women who were homeless experienced some form of domestic violence or sexual assault. The study states 63% of adults have experienced domestic violence as an adult. (National Law Center, 1)

What I Like ....

2007-07-22T20:40:00.001-07:00

... is the sight of my boyfriend cooking me dinner when I come visit him after a long day of work.

... ahhhhh .....

FEMALE ELECTED IN INDIA BY SARAH K

2007-07-21T12:13:00.001-07:00

IT IS VICTORY FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS IN INDIA TODAY. THIS COULD MEAN A END TO THE LONG COMMITTMENT TO DISCRIMINATION TO INDIAN WOMEN. THIS IS VERY EXICITING NEWS.

INDIA ELECT PRATIBHA PATIL IS THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE COUNTRY. PATIL RECEIVED 65.82% OF THE VOTES CASTED BY THE NATIONAL LAWMAKERS AND STATE LEGISLATORS, AND ELECTION COMMISSION HEAD P.D.T. ACHARY. SHE HAD BEEN EXPECTED TO WIN.

PATIL STATED "I AM GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, TO ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN OF INDIA. THIS IS A VICTORY OF THE PRINCIPLES OF WHICH OUR INDIAN PEOPLE UPHOLD".

HUNDREDS OF CONGRESS SUPPORTERS DANCED IN THE STREETS AS A RESULT OF THE THE ELECTION. PEOPLE WERE BANGING DRUMS AND SETTING OFF FIREWORKS.

SHE WILL BE SWORN INTO A 5 YEAR TERM ON JULY 25, 2007.

THE ELECTION OF THE FIRST FEMALE COULD LEAD TO WOMEN'S RIGHT'S BEING ENFORCED. THE SOCIETY OF INDIA MUST COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THE WOMEN ARE EQUALS IN SOCIETY. WOMEN HAVE BEEN TREATED SO POORLY IN INDIA THAT IT WILL TAKE A WHILE FOR SOCIETY TO CHANGE.

dressing for success (or, the converse-wearing executive director)

2007-07-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

on the my first day of work at my current job, my male supervisor suggested that i "dress to the level i want to be promoted to," meaning that if i'd like to be executive director one day, i should start donning the clothes of a would-be director right now. while i appreciated his input (he was genuinely trying to help), this advice absolutely horrified me. to dress in that way would be so counterintuitive for me in more ways than one.

i admittedly have a big problem dressing "like a grown up." i tend to like to think that clothes don't matter much in my life, yet i firmly believe i would work happier and more effectively if wearing clothes that i feel comfortable wearing. i wonder what impact this thinking has had/will have on my career.

looking back, my attitude toward clothing has shifted with the passage of time. as a child of the eighties, i looked to pop culture rather than my elementary school teaching mom for fashion inspiration. i expected to spend my grown up years wearing tight minidresses and heels on a daily basis and was somewhat excited about that prospect.

now fast forward ten years to high school, when i was a thrift store-shopping bargain hunter with a passion for funky old finds. although i wore a uniform to my all-girl catholic high school, i had a penchant for fifties and sixties dresses which i seemingly had no occasion to wear. (my friends and i would wear these to rock shows around L.A. or alcohol-free parties at our parents' homes.) at that tender age, it was important for my clothes to proclaim to the world that i was an individual and not a cookie-cutter clone.

ten years later, i find myself feeling indifferent when it comes to fashion. i have little to no interest in fashion trends and don't really read mainstream women's magazines, so i don't know what's supposedly in or out, nor do i particularly care. yeah, i still like cute clothes, but i also still feel foolish spending more than $30 on any one item. (plus, there are more important things happening in the world, and thus, more important things to spend money on. funds would be put to better use on responsible philanthropy than a $500 purse!) i feel that my clothes are one part of my identity that gives people clues to who i am, but there are loads of other ways to find out, like, say, talking to me. furthermore, i'm getting less and less inclined to care about strangers getting to know me through my damn clothes. (if someone wants to be my friend, they've got to like a lot more about me than whatever piece of fabric i decide to throw on that day!)

still, getting back to the original thought-- whether i like it or not, i must acknowledge that the clothes i wear send a message, especially in my professional life. naomi wolf's beauty myth mentions studies illustrating the fact that women who wore power suits or professional uniforms to work tended to be taken more seriously than those who didn't. my big problem is accepting that fact. are work dress codes a necessary evil of professional life? i am responsible, capable and qualified, so why can't i be taken seriously wearing jeans and a pair of converse to work? why can't our society move PAST clothing and other aspects of our appearance to seek out the substance beneath them?! until we do, we'll always be forced to conform to superficial standards. as a nonconformist, i just can't help feeling confined by dress codes. still, i comply whenever necessary, despite the nagging feeling that i'm "faking it" all workday long.

i have been wanting to write about my relationship with my clothes for a while, so thanks to noelle for reminding me! this is my first stab at getting some of these thoughts down, and i hope to expand on this more later.

what's your relationship with your clothes like?

INDIA WIDOWS SHUNNED BY SOCIETY, PART 2 : SARAH

2007-07-06T10:26:00.001-07:00

INDIA WIDOW'S FLEE TO THE HOLY CITY OF VINDRAVAN CITY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PLACE TO GO. MOST FLEE THEIR HOMES BECAUSE THEIR AFRAID OF BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED OR PHYSICALLY ABUSED BY OTHER MEN. WIDOW'S OF INDIA ARE VIEWED AS PROPERTY TO THEIR HUSBANDS. WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIE THEY HAVE NO VALUE.

AGE DOES NOT MATTER TO THE STATUS OF THE WIDOW. IN MY RESEARCH I FOUND A GIRL THAT WAS MARRIED AT AGE 8. HER HUSBAND WAS 33. SHE BECAME A WIDOW AT AGE 23. SINCE AGE 23 SHE HAS BEEN AT THE CITY OF VINDRAVAN. SHE WAS EVICTED FROM HER HOME BECAUSE WIDOW'S DO NOT HAVE PROPERTY RIGHTS. JUST IMAGINE AT THE AGE OF 23 HAVING NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

THE INDIA SOCIETY IS VERY CRUEL TO THE WIDOW'S OF THEIR COUNTRY. IT IS LIKE THEY DO NOT EXIST. THE GOVERNMENT LOOKS AT MERE PRESENCE OF A WIDOW AS BAD LUCK. WIDOW'S ARE FORCED TO HAVE THEIR HEADS SHAVED. ALL THEIR JEWERLY IS TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM AND THEY MUST WEAR WHITE GARMENTS.

IT IS ESTIMATED THAT 40 MILLION WIDOWS ARE IN INDIA. IT HAS THE LARGEST NUMBER OF WIDOWS IN THE WORLD. 54% OF THE WOMEN OVER 60 ARE WIDOWS IN INDIA. 12% OF THE WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 35-39 ARE ALSO WIDOWS.

THERE IS SOME HOPE FOR WIDOWS OF INDIA. MOHINI GIRI A WIDOW OF INDIA. SHE WAS ABLE TO ORGANIZE WITH OTHER ORGANIZATIONS TO CREATE A PLACE IN VINDRAVAN THAT EMPOWERED WIDOWS.

SHE CREATED A PLACE CALLED "AMAR BARI". AMAR BARI IS A PLACE THAT OFFERS VOCATIONAL TRAINING TO THE WIDOWS. GIRI, GOAL FOR THE WIDOWS IS TO REHABILITATE EACH AND EVERY WIDOW.

AMAR BARI WANTS TO TEACH THE WIDOWS SOCIAL SKILLS AND LEARNING SKILLS. THEY HOPE TO MOTIVATE THE WOMEN TO GAIN ECONOMIC INDEPENCE AND CONFIDENCE. THE WIDOWS PERFORM JOBS SKILLS FOR WHICH THEY RECIEVE INCOME. SOME OF THE JOBS INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: WEAVING, SPINNING, AND NURSES.

THE WIDOW'S PRODUCE GOODS SUCH S QUILTED JACKETS, BEAD WORK, LEATHER POUCHES, AND CLOTH BAGS. SOME OF THE WIDOWS WORK AS NURSES TAKING CARE OF PATIENTS AT THE AMAR BARI.

THE TOUGHEST BARRIER FOR WIDOWS TO CROSS IS THIER OWN CULTURE AND WHAT THEIR SOCIETY SAYS THEY MUST DO. IN INDIA WOMEN AND WIDOWS DO HAVE CERTAIN RIGHTS. THEY HAVE CUSTOMARY AND STATUTORY LAWS THAT PROTECT THEM. THE WOMEN OF INDIA DO NOT FEEL A SENSE OF EMPOWERMENT. THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY CAN FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS.

PLACES LIKE AMAR BARI ARE TRYING TO CHANGE THE MIND SET OF THESE WOMEN. OTHER ORGANIZATIONS ARE HELPING TOO. GUILD SERVICES AND THE NATIONAL COMMISSION FOR WOMEN ARE HELPING TOO. I AM THERE ARE OTHERS TO.

WE NEED TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THIS ISSUE. WE NEED TO GET OTHER WOMEN'S RIGHT'S GROUPS INVOLVED. WE MUST ALSO ASK OUR PRESIDENTAL CANDIDATES ABOUT THEIR POSITION ON THIS ISSUE.

PLEASE RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THIS ISSUE. THESE WOMEN DESERVE RESPECT AND DIGNITY.

SARAH

Women of India Shunned for No Reason Other than Tradition--Sarah K (must read)

2007-07-05T16:36:00.001-07:00

IN INDIA THERE IS A SAD STORY THAT MUST BE TOLD. WOMEN ARE BEING SHUNNED BY SOCIETY. WHY? BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION IN INDIA. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN. IT IS A TRADITION IN INDIA.

THE WOMEN THAT ARE BEING SHUNNED ARE WIDOWS. THEY ARE CONSIDER TO BE THE POOREST INDIVIDUALS OF THE COUNTRY. IN INDIA HINDU WIDOWS CAN NOT REMARRY. THEREFORE, WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIES THEY ARE SHUNNED FROM SOCIETY.

THEY ARE ALSO SHUNNED FROM SOCIETY BECAUSE THEIR SOCITY KNOWS THAT WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIE THAT THEY WILL BE A FINANCIAL BURDEN ON THEIR FAMILIES. SO INSTEAD, OF THE FAMILIES TAKING CARE OF THEIR MOTHER OR SISTER THAT JUST TELL THEM TO GO AWAY. THEY HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH. IT IS LIKE THE FINANCIAL BURDEN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.

THE HINDU WIDOWS CAN NOT REMARRY. THEY CAN NOT WEAR JEWERY. THEY ARE FORCED TO SHAVE THEIR HEADS. MOST ARE FORCED TO WEAR WHITE ONLY. MOST WALK HUNCHED OVER WITH WALKING CANES. YOU CAN SEE THE PAIN IN THEIR FACES. IT JUST BREAKS YOUR HEART WATCHING IT UNFOLD. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT INDIA HAS 40 MILLION WIDOW'S. I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE THAT MANY PEOPLE IN THIS CONDITION. IT MUST BE STOPPED.

MOST OF THE WIDOW'S GO TO A CITY CALLED VRINDAVAN. THE WIDOW BELIEVE THAT THE CITY WILL FREE THEM FROM THIS TYPE OF LIFE IN THE AFTERLIFE.

WE CAN NOT ALLOW 40 MILLION WOMEN TO SUFFER LIKE THIS. WE NEED TO REACH OUT TO THESE WOMEN. INDIA MUST BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE WOMEN. WE CAN NOT ALLOW THIS TO BE THE MIND SET OF THE GOVERNMENT TOWARDS WIDOW'S IN INDIA. IT IS AN OUTRAGE. IT HURTS TO HEAR IT. IT HURTS TO WATCH IT. IT HURTS TO IMAGINE THESE WOMEN WITH NOTHING. WE MUST STOP THE PAIN. PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD.

Anti-choice supporters trying to use guilt tactics to gain support: sarah

2007-07-04T16:09:00.001-07:00

Today, I received a very graphic bulletin by someone who was anti-choice. The bulletin was full of graphic photos of aborted babies. I do not appreciate these tactic's by the anti-choice movement. It is really sad that they have to resort to this type of propaganda. They will not win people over this movement. It will only outrage people more. People will turn against them. People do not want to see to type of material.

Getting this bulletin angered me so much. These people do not know the situations that these women faced before choosing to have an abortion. How dare this person pass judgment on some else. In the bulletin it said if you don't pass this on you don't have a heart. That is absolutely wrong. I have one hell of a heart. I care about others but, I don't believe abortion is wrong. Everyone gets to make that decision by herself. Everyone has different circumstances. My body, My Choice.

I am bothered by the fact that in this bulletin it said if you can't take care of a baby don't have sex. Not everyone chooses to have sex. Thousands of women are raped each year. They didn't get a choice so don't stand there and tell me that those women should not have had sex. They were raped against their will. You don't know the HELL they went through. NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THESE WOMEN CAN'T HAVE AN ABORTION.

sarah

picture perfect? no! should I want to be? Never!

2007-06-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

"Ugly! Hideous! Tub of lard!" I spouted off as my husband and I poured over our wedding photos. I had just arrived home from a tasty dinner with Mo, and just then, my delicious mix of sticky macaroni and assorted baked goods turned into a lethal reminder of why my beautiful wedding gown was spotted with bulges.

If my eyes didn't scan each picture for fat pouches, my gaze was set upon the acne scars, which not only stain my face, but my self-confidence as well. Why was my reaction so negative? My husband gasped and filled the night air with complimentary superlatives: "you were the prettiest," and "it was the happiest moment of my life," he said, trying to cajole me into seeing the photos as a visual rendering of our love. But while he was genuinely pleased, and sincere in his sentiments, my eyes -- those damn, critical enemies to my sense of beauty -- fought his logic with infantile despair.

I HATE that my initial reaction was, more or less, an adult tantrum; I HATE that my grievances were centered on extrinsic self-loathing; I HATE that instead of joining my husband in the light of true beauty and awareness, I opted for the dark caverns of insecurity; and most of all, I HATE that this pattern of, well, hating my looks creeps up on me during the most inconvenient of times. When I divulge feelings such as "my acne scars are why I’m so ugly," or "I'm such a chunky monkey," I debase my core-values, and hold the same self-deprecating opinions that I chastise other women for having. Thus, I morph (argh!) into what I dislike the most -- a hypocrite! (double argh!!)

These emotions catapult me back to Simone and David’s Twilight zone party that I attended last Saturday. During the marathon I saw the thought provoking episode, “number 12 looks just like you,” involving a culture’s compliance towards standardized beauty.

In response to the same episode, Simone writes in her blog:
i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be…a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. Simone’s response to the storyline, “while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman,” encapsulates the plight that most women I know endure. Everyday we are fed information that is tainted with the objectification of the female form; whether it’s through music, movies, commercials, ads, etc., women are subjected to, as Simone puts it, “the tyranny of mass conformity to mainstream american/western standards of beauty."

Recently, for me, such idealized images of beauty came via bridal mags. Thus, my internal dialogue reads something like, “how can my wedding photos not be seen through a distorted lens of self-doubt, and how am I not expected to compare myself to the images of the beautiful women I witnessed in bridal magazines?” Truth be told, I am reasonably pleased with my looks, but truth also be told, I can be reasonably critical of myself too. I need a mantra that stabilizes my sense of self, and I need to rise above mass media’s harmful, latent effects. What that mantra is, however, I must ultimately decide; I think it’s different for everyone.

So, in the end, my hub went to bed content while I remained awake, and hated myself for hating myself. The next night, I suddenly snapped out of my delirium and, with a cup of chai tea in one hand and the hope of a self-revelation balancing in the other, I popped in the DVD for a 2nd showing. With a fresh outlook, I saw past my insecurities and felt nothing more than the deep love, which emanated among close family and friends. Smudged eyeliner or a goofy smile was second rate to the rich quality of a couple who chose to spend an eternity together. Again, in the end, I opt not to photo-shop or doctor my pictures because the importance of these photos was to give a tangible testimony to the intangible, authentic feelings of a cherished love -- NOT to document me as some reigning beauty queen. If media was more realistic, and I wasn’t so pessimistic, then maybe I would have realized that point much sooner.

Anyway, why worry over hyped up "dilemmas" when I should be concentrating on my new copy of M. Goodman's, The Anti 9-to-five Guide. Escaping the cubicle is where my mind should be!

two quick tidbits

2007-06-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

hi everyone. just wanted to share two things:

1) here's a recent interview with janeane garofalo. i've loved her since i was a preteen - am i the only one who appreciates her? it's a pity that the powers-that-be in hollywood only allow her to play romantic leads in animated films...how effing ridiculous!

2) if you are sick of hearing about the plight of a certain famous heiress, please check out this feisty clip. mika shows some moxie, but it's too bad her male counterparts (incl. joe scarborough the mofo) are such condescending lameasses.

special thanks to my homegirl mary for passing this along!!

a letter to h&m

2007-06-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

dear h&m,

god dag. i'm writing this to inform you that it's over. i can no longer shop at your stores, at least until the sixties-thing stops being so swingin'.

it's the babydoll dress. i find myself buying and wearing these frocks of infantilized femininity with alarming frequency. and it's not because i want to be en vogue, or bring back riot grrl even. i simply cannot resist peter pan collars, trapeze shapes, short hems that are on your hangers (and then mine.)

this would not be such a big problem were i not trying to be a big girl now. i'm 27 years-old and embarking on my first career. did mia farrow look like a career gal in rosemary's baby to you?

maybe there are ladies of such stature that they can wear this stuff to work like a powersuit. but they are models and/or live in new york. i'm only 5'2" and the way most of your clothes fit makes me feel even more like a little girl playing dress up, and there are no play dates or tea parties on my things to do list.

i'll be back in the fall for some pants and vests if you decide to do the annie hall thing.

yours truly,
noelle

cheer up, charlie!

2007-06-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, which seems like all of the time, this world seizes my ability to think non-cynical thoughts. My focus can become so centered on what's lacking in dollyland that I fail to muse over the amazing subtleties of life, which surround me. Why do I resort to this line of logic? Why do I obsess over fickle desires or emotions and not enjoy what the ever-present "now" has to offer?

Well, in an attempt to defeat the self-defeating, I give you...

"My list of small, everyday occurrences that reinforce my love for the everyday!" phwew!

1. Nice drivers
2. Yummy salads
3. People who ask, "how's yr day going?" and are genuinely concerned/interested
4. Watching birds take dirt baths
5. A good cup of java
6. Prayer
7. Hugs
8. Sweet words and kisses from my husband
9. Learning new words
10. Friendly strangers
11. Watching mothers and their newborns
12. Meeting self-confident women
13. Feeling appreciated
14. Thinking of a song and then hearing it on the radio shortly after
15. A good laugh
16. People who are socially (on big and small scales) aware
17. a great conversation
18 .... ???

Well, I'm sure my list could go on and on, but I feel that you and I get the point: there's much in life, which engenders happiness. And, this "much" I'm referring to isn't hard to locate on your personal map...and while I know this post is sappy to the 10th power, it was cathartic for me ;)
if you've anything to add to this list, feel free to do so!

heh.

2007-06-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

this morning while walking from the transpo depot to work, i read a sticker on a nearby suv that said, "DON'T TRASH CALIFORNIA."

it was clear from the design that it was referring to waste/pollution, not trash talk from out-of-staters.

i wanted to knock on his window, and say, "dude, do you not realize you're polluting california with your car use right now?" jeez!

I heart t-shirts

2007-06-05T13:28:00.001-07:00

poem

number 12 looks just like you

2007-06-04T03:08:00.000-07:00

i've been extremely disturbed by the tyranny of mass conformity to mainstream american/western standards of beauty lately.

this seems like a trite subject for an entry on a feminist-related blog, and that's exactly what i want to avoid, so let me explain...

recently, i've discovered two instances of women who i've known (in different capacities) that have made the decision to get breast implants. while these two women weren't close friends of mine, i was still stunned and devastated by this news. while the third wave girl in me wants to say, "they have the right to do whatever they want to do with their bodies!" there's a much louder inner voice, perhaps the second wave feminist in me, that screams, "why would they mutilate their bodies in this way? why put themselves at risk for future health problems for such a superficial reason? and to what end? to gain the approval of men?!"

each of these women, while not my best friends, were women who i believed were somehow "stronger" than this. one was a high school classmate, whom i always admired for her outspokenness, political awareness (at an early age), intelligence, sense of self, and creative writing abilities. the other was a spunky, independent, and extroverted co-worker who was a talented performer. as a plus-sized (real-sized!) woman who wasn't afraid to strip down and show what a pear-shaped woman w/curves looked like, i felt that she was proudly making a statement against size-ism. i thought that in her own way, she was proclaiming that she should be admired just the way she was, and beneath the glamorous burlesque posturing, i found something admirable in that. was i wrong? were these women not the ballsy and defiant individuals i believed them to be?...or is the decision to have plastic surgery more complicated than that?

i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be. (the title of the episode is the title of this post.) in it, a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. as a result, everyone literally looks and thinks alike. with the transformation acting as a great equalizer, each person is equally externally "beautiful" and internally vapid.

while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman. i know that some men (and women) believe a woman is weak or stupid if she succumbs to the powers of mass media's unrelenting assault (read: having occasional self-doubts, sometimes feeling insecure about appearance, or taking it a step further and actually having plastic surgery done). i now recognize that this is just another shitty double standard. it's yet another example of how women are judged more harshly than men, and as evidenced above by my assumption that women who get breast implants are somehow "weaker" than those who don't, i myself am guilty of this same line of thinking! i somehow felt disappointed or let down by their decision because they don't have the same ideas about plastic surgery that i do. (in all honesty, a little part of me even felt superior for not having had plastic surgery!) while i have a right to my opinions, who am i to judge?

...the pot calling the kettle black?

i do consider myself to have a healthy body image, but i'll admit that occasionally i even wonder and/or fantasize about what it would be like to have a different body type (bigger breasts, tighter butt, pretty feet, thinner thighs, skinny, etc...the possibilities are endless). i think this curiosity is natural to a certain extent, kind of like wondering what it would be like to be a boy, astronaut, sea otter, or jamaican. while sometimes frustrating, it's just another step in exploring my identity-- finding out who i am by honestly recognizing and acknowledging what i'm not. in the end, i try to be satisfied with the knowledge that i'm the only person on earth with this exact combination of my particular physical and intellectual features, and that this unique blend of charming imperfections makes me wholly lovable (as corny as that sounds). i'm still a work-in-progress, and this inner dialogue meets with varied results...

Mixing it up a little

2007-05-28T23:49:00.000-07:00

I love otters. Apparetly so do the female visitors at this zoo.

Misogynist Propaganda?

2007-05-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

Note: The title of this blog comes from the title of an article I read as a pre-teen in Sassy magazine about PMS. The phrase has been burned into my memory and still plays a role in how I think about things. I also thought of titling this entry "Don't f-- with my body, Don't f-- with my brain."

I wanted to rant a little about 2 things related to the Science & Sociology surrounding women's body systems and add my wtf?!

Science and the media tell me my eggs are rotting.
Well, not exactly. These little voices are telling me that if I wait too long to have children, there is a small chance I will not be able to conceive naturally. Nevermind these 60+ year old women who are having children through IVF (I have a different issue with them), there are stories upon stories about how having children over 35 is risky: miscarriage, premature babies, endometriosis, Down syndrome. I keep telling myself, Dammit, Madonna was able to do it naturally (I think)--So can I, if I wanted. The good news is that the majority of healthy (e.g. non-smoker, getting your vitamns and exercise) women over 35 have successful pregnancies. So how much of this stuff is put out there to tell women to have children before age 30? It might just be me because it seems like everyone and their mother is telling me to get married and have children already. (See my comment from Julia's previous post.) BTW, there is also an increased chance of having twins if having children in your late 30's.

"The FDA has approved Lybrel, the first low-dose contraceptive pill that gives women an option to stop their menstrual cycle for an indefinite period of time."
As annoying as menstruation can be, this feels wrong. Like there should be suspense-building music in this part of the horror movie, wrong. The birth control part I'm ok with... the science of the pill has been around for over 40 years. And birth control has been around for a lot longer. Don't think I didn't notice that there was only one woman from the drug company quoted in the article: Ginger Constantine, Wyeth's vice president of Women's Health Care and Bone Repair. WTF? VP of what and what? Did they run out of money and thus had to combine two categories? Anyway, this just seems like another product for women, invented by men. I guess they do work. I mean, I use tampons and they have made my life easier. Soooo.. if you're down with the ability to control and regulate your own period, it should be available for prescription July 2007. I'm not signing up for this one just yet.

One more thing, have a healthy cervix day! That reminds me: I have to schedule my check up.

... Horse and Carriage?

2007-05-27T00:54:00.001-07:00

Note: Julia has written this muddled, convoluted post with no real point in response to the recent concise and meaningful posts about marriage by Taberlykim and Simone. She thinks that by prefacing said post with a note she can get away with having no real point. Read at your own risk.

Like most women my age (with 30 just beginning to loom), I think about marriage - not because I am planning to get married (I favor elopement, anyway) but I think about it lately because I live in Japan where the concept of marriage is rather different from the concept we have in America. Though the Japanese usually choose their own marriage partners, the woman still often quits her job upon getting married, even if she doesn't plan to have children for a few years. Follows next; housekeeping and bento box making. Some of my male students, when I ask them what their wives do, will loftily reply, "Oh, she's just a housewife." In Japan, the glamour career of choice for young women is that of the airline stewardess. A friend explained to me that airline stewardessing seems so appealing because a) it offers a chance to travel and b) it offers a chance to meet husbands. I sometimes ask my male students what they think of working mothers - each one I've asked (regardless of age) has put on a sour face and said it was a bad idea - after all, who would take care of the child? Yes, God forbid a grown man should clean a diaper or fix a lunch. In contrast, a few women I've asked about working mothers said they think they're cool, but when asked to explain why their reasons had to do with money rather than female equality.

This system works for them and I have no right to criticize what other cultures do; I'm here to teach the Japanese English, not female emancipation. I'm fully aware that the American system is similarly preposterous to them and probably a few of my students would like to give me a stern 101 on being a respectable woman. When I think about it, the mainstream Japanese system of marriage probably unsettles me mostly because it reminds me of what love-based marriages evolved from; a contract between families, legalized to protect the interests of the male. Over much time, marriage in our society (and many other societies) became, instead, a legalization of a romantic bond - the bride became a lover, a soulmate, a best friend, a potential mother. This is a beautiful idea. The romantic ideal of love in a marriage came before female emancipation - in the West (and more recently in parts of Asia) men and women began to revolt against being given to people. They wanted to live their lives with someone they actually were suited to live with. This idea went down like gangbusters, but it took a lot longer in North America for women to be seen as equal to the man in a marriage. Depending on one's view, the North American system can be seen as encompassing the best of all worlds - love, family and equality. Yet, in North American marriage, women still take their husband's names (a custom begun because the property - or the bride - was changing hands from her father's family to her new husband's). They also very often wear white, even though the fact is widely known that white dresses were worn as symbol of purity to show the new husband the quality of the good he was getting. When I think about those things, it makes me feel that I don't want to get married, i.e., perpetuate those customs, even if the current feeling towards marriage is that it's a beautiful, romantic thing. As Taberlykim mentioned, it is often viewed the pinnacle of a romantic relationship. I know a lot of people who feel that it's not worth dating someone if you can't see yourself marrying them - they feel it's not worth the bother. I come from the "life experience" school - I see the idiots who paid for dinner with a gift certificate and showed up hungover as helpful; they reminded me of what I didn't want and what I wouldn't stand for in a mate. Yes, I said "mate" - though I bristle at the reasons behind customs in today's American marriages I, too, wouldn't mind finding somebody I can grow old with and, perhaps, love enough to want to start a family with. But does that bond really need to be made legal?

Advantages to getting married in today's society:

-the legalization process protects your assets (nothing more romantic than protecting one's assets!)
-relatives and friends shut the hell up***
-said marriage provides an excuse to throw an awesome party and wear a pretty dress
-the gnawing, secret nerves that your mate didn't respect you enough to make you "honest" are quelled
-any resulting children will have a stable environment to grow up in. Assuming, of course, that the marriage lasts.

***a potential deal maker right there

Simone is right - young feminists in the year 2007 still face enormous amounts of outside and internal pressure regarding marriage. Marriage is still viewed as a natural part of life - and let's face it, regardless of their origin, the accompanying customs can be extremely appealing (for the record, I like wedding favors I can eat). I sometimes think the women who began the Feminist movement were more liberated than my generation is - I know of couples in their 50s who have been together (but unmarried) for over 20 years but almost all of my married friends took their husbands' names and were champing at the bit to tie that knot.

Or buy that dress. Whichever.

word of the day!

2007-05-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

SELF-DETERMINATION
self-de·ter·mi·na·tion, n.
-Determination of one's own fate or course of action without compulsion; free will.
-The capacity to manage one's own affairs, make one's own judgments, and provide for oneself.

as someone who values independence, i must say that this is one of my very favorite words in the english language. it kicks me in the pants whenever i need a little boost! i'm all about it.

[my] Life's big Questions

2007-05-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

I spent the night with one of my best friends and her husband last night. After dinner at Souplantation and internet shopping for bathing suits and Spanx, she laid it on me: the hard questions about my relationship.
- So how long are you going to hold out/on until you say, "Shit or get off the pot."
- If you are not the center of his life now, after almost 6 years, will you ever be?
- How long is he going to string you along before he makes up his mind?
- What the hell are you waiting for?

Last year, these questions occupied my thought, initiated by my own mind. Within the past year I have decided that more important than wedding vows to me was sharing my life with my man. If that meant he needed more time, then I'd give it. If it meant I needed to hot pass on the familial pressure to get married, then I'd oblige. I felt freeing and I have been less worried about it...

Then the questions rear their ugly heads, again. And if anyone mentions that damn book, He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt I will cry. I read it and I hate it. A man wrote it and who cares if he was a writer on Sex in the City.

I will always prefer the freedom of knowing over the freedom that comes from overlooking or forgetfulness.

Answering questions with questions: What have others done in my situation? What should I be asking myself to determine my decision? Why do people so many people see marriage as the ultimate goal of a relationship?

who's gonna love me the way that i am?

2007-05-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

TMI @ the Spa

2007-05-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this post as a result of two things that I have been dying to do:
(1) Write an introductory post on this blog and
(2) Tell someone what happened to me last Tuesday.

So... hello! and Simone, thanks for providing this wonderful space for feminist expression. Number one, check.

Number two: When I say what happened to me, I do not intend to play the victim or infer that the action that took place was unwarranted or that I was wholly unprepared. But it means that I was--and still am--in amazement and wonder about it. (Now that I have built up a reasonable amount of suspense, the revelation will be anticlimatic.) But anyway, I got my first bikini wax.

Do not read on if you want to be spared the details.

Since it was my first and I needed to find someone/someplace with a good reputation I asked around, did a web search and put it off for several months. I eventually found Jodi and Queen Bee Waxing. Let's go back a few steps... what would compel me to do such a thing? This is not a subject I have talked too much about with my girlfriends or with anyone for that matter. Only one had mentioned that she got a Brazilian last year and she was pleased with the results. I guess that now, after spending a week being more than 90% hairless, I can see where she is coming from. The initial impetus for the wax was the desire to be less self-conscious during swimsuit season. Since learning how to swim a couple years ago, I have been afraid of exposing my special hairs creeping out like spiders while hanging out at the pool or beach. Yes, they are natural. Yes, every adult woman has (or can have) them. But something about other people's pubic hair is disgusting to me. Maybe it's a threat of an STD--is this real or irrational? Anyway, it was a big deal to me. Nevermind about the sex possibly being better or the desire, in any way, to please my partner. To me, it was all about hygiene... and vanity.

Back to the spa... don't worry, I'll try to keep it polite and not to get into the explicit details. But anyway, I drove up to the salon in Culver City and was promptly greeted by Jodi. (You can read more about her on the Queen Bee Waxing website.) After a few minutes, she escorted me to a back room that resembled a mix between a doctor's exam room and a massage therapist's room. Usually in either of the aforementioned settings, the practitioner leaves the room for you to disrobe. But of course, this place and procedure is special. Jodi, in her lingering British accent, instead says, "Don't be shy. Just take off your bottoms." Already, I know it's going to be "like that." I went to an all-women's college so I was used to "like that." The natural upfront-ness and frankness of female to female interaction. The attitude that reassures me that the bikini wax should not be as strange or awkward as I was expecting, but rather technical and straight-forward. Just get on the padded table (covered in white doctor's paper) and spread 'em as I would at the gyno. It was so quick. Everyone who has commented about Queen Bee waxing mentions Jodi's skill and speed. 15 minutes after I stepped into the salon, I walked out with Jodi describing that Asian women are lucky to not have as much hair down there and that I probably don't have to come back for another month. [I start to feel bad for women who have more down there...] We hug (because we're now on that level of intimacy) and I leave, only just beginning to feel the sting.

The shock and awe probably more stems from having not discussed it with others who have done it, and NOT the actual waxing experience. I was embarrased and ashamed to bring it up. AND I didn't want to gross anyone out. What was I to do? I think this feeling is related to the Vagina Monologue discourse about loving your labia, et al. in all it splendor but geez. How does a woman burst through all that society has taught her about how disgusting her vagina is, outside of mustering up the courage to talk about her adventures with her V. I guess that's just what we have to do.

The sting is all gone and there have been no adverse reactions. Still, I have to see in a few months whether I will go back to see Jodi. The pain was worth it, but was the $45?

Thanks for allowing the space for this indulgence. Please feel free to comment and explain to me whether I should or should not be concerned about peeping stray hairs or other perceived un-niceties.

supermarkets ain't so super...food for thought (yes, cliches suck...sorry!)

2007-05-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I had a deep penchant for grocery shopping. Nothing thrilled me more than my dad (who by-stepped gender lines & did all of the household shopping) electing me to tag along on his shopping adventure. Well, it was an adventure for me, but more of a business venture for him. Y'see, while I reveled in being able to “play store” in the real world, my dad marveled over the knowledge that, with a brick-like stack of coupons in his hand, he could waltz out of Alpha-Beta with $200+ worth of groceries for half the amount. His action was a snub against “the man” who figured that the population at large wouldn’t set aside time to collect, let alone cut out and organize tiny, colorful pieces of supermarket currency. Well, my dad was wise; he knew, that a family of twelve was not going to eat much if he didn’t find loopholes in the food industry.

So, growing up, I was a mega lo mart gal. I was brought up in supermarkets, k-marts, and safeways. But in time, w/the exceptional lazy jaunts to Vons, I morphed into a Trader Joe's woman. As I got older and began living on my own, my health consciousness increased with each year; if I didn't start tending to my body now, I'd pay financially and emotionally later with increased risks for disease. Despite those fast food impulses, which pounce on my self-rule from time to time, I vowed to be more healthful and limit the amount of foreign, and sometimes toxic, substances entering my bloodstream. Since LA air is 30 proof in toxin levels, and we're asked to block out UV rays with a vat of sunscreen, the natural way I found to sustain a more organic lifestyle was monitoring what I ate. Not only was I improving my eating habits, but I saved some green by eating green.

This epiphany altered my mindset and, I thought, everyone should have the luxury of eating healthy foods. But why isn't this the case? The transition from single to married life has me beached @ my mom's house in El Sereno for a few weeks. In this time, I have become outraged @ the lack of healthy food choices accessible to inner city families. The closest market to my mom's is Albertson's, where with $200, my brother and I barely bought enough food to last our family of five for a week. I was incensed, not only by the lack of organic food choices, but at the steep price tags attached to semi-edible crap!

A dozen cage-free eggs @ TJ's is 99 cents; a dozen “who knows” eggs is around $4 @ your local Albertsons. A loaf of bread w/natural ingredients is $2 @ TJ's, but @ Albertsons, yup, $4 for nutrient free slices. Sure you can get the cheap stuff, but the cheap stuff is...well...CHEAP! The market did carry a few organic lines, but they were often 2-3x the amount as the processed stuff. If you live in the inner city and shop for a family of five, what are your thoughts? If you're of lower income and grasp tightly to ever cent earned, which item are you ultimately going to reach for: expensive, but organic, or cheap and plentiful?

Well, why don't urban families just go to TJ's? They do not bc of awareness and the proximity of such stores. My mom always though TJ’s was a posh and pricey joint; and, if she did decide to go there, she only has one to frequent, which is 15+ minutes away. At the end of the day, she's going to go to Albertsons bc it's 5 minutes from her house. When I lived in Pasadena, I had 3 TJ's to choose from! And, they were all about a 5-minute drive.

In essence, it's easy to suggest that people clip their coupons and try to eat more healthy. Yes, they should drive the 15+ minutes if it means saving $$$ and getting quality food. But why can't a person merely go to their local market and get wholesome food w/out having to take out a 2nd mortgage? Why are the simple things...the fundamentals of life hard to attain in our society? Capitalism? I suppose. Yeesh! And DON’T even get me started about gas prices!!!!!!!!!!!

"Fck you btch! It's my turn."

2007-04-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

These were the words uttered - no, shouted - at me around 1 AM this morning by a complete stranger.

I, too, was on my way home, minding my own business, IN MY OWN CAR. You'd think that at that point you should be safe from unwanted harassment.

Let me tell you the story.

I was on the freeway home after a lovely, but late, evening out. There were some road repairs so the normally 5-lane traffic becomes 1 lane. Here I am, amongst this stop-and-go traffic in the dead of night, when some big truck tries to forcefully cut me off - no signaling or anything.

Now, I generally do not take to anyone's manipulation easily. Likewise, I inched forward to indicate that, no, that's kind of a dick move, sir.

The driver (white male, mid- to late- thirties) opens his door in the middle of traffic, gets out of his huge Ford (250?) truck, and shouts at me through my windshield, "FUCK YOU BITCH! IT'S MY TURN."

I am smaller than he is and my car is smaller than his. Maybe I should have just run him over, but can someone please explain what in the world I could have done to respond to this?

I simply switched lanes and drove away. But I wish I could have expressed, in no uncertain terms, how inappropriate and unacceptable his words and behavior is. It was the one time I wish I carried a gun, just to overcome this stupid difference in intimidation potential.

a post!

2007-04-26T18:46:00.001-07:00

Hello, Women's Writes. Julia here - you might recall that several months ago I introduced myself to the group and then vanished. I'm an English teacher in Japan and months of living without internet in my apartment plus adjusting to my international move and
new career have severely affected my internetting habits for which I apologize - Women's Writes is such a great movement and I've seen a lot of great posts here since it began. I really wish I had posted more often. I read a post here yesterday by the wonderful miss Simone that finally inspired me to move my rear end and add my two cents.

In her last post, Simone writes on the topic of female vulnerability. When I read her post, my thoughts immediately went to a conversation I had recently had with another female teacher at my school. She told me that one night, she was coming home on the subway and had an experience quite similar to Simone's when a creepy fellow began to follow her and ask her leading questions. She didn't choose earphones to ward off the scumbucket, however - she chose an imaginary boyfriend.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I have to go. My boyfriend is waiting for me and I need to meet him." The would-be pervert nodded and vanished without another word.

When she told me this story, I was relieved that the creep had gone away, but I couldn't help thinking howunfortunate it was that she had had to invent a man as a form of protection. Worse, the knowledge that despite my own raging aversion to depending on men, I might have very well done the same thing. A would-be attacker seems to think preying on a lone female is
fine but often backs off when a big, strong man is in the picture - someone who could potentially give him trouble. The lie often comes instinctively in a big, spastic blurt before one can remember their wits: "I'm sorry, I don't know the time but I have to go because
my boyfriend is waiting for me. Yep, I sure love Gunther - I'm so proud of him! He's a second-degree blackbelt in karate and he might make the third degree tonight...!"

A similar lie is often told when an undesirable fellow asks us out: "I'm flattered," we gush, "... but, unfortunately, I have a boyfriend." We rationalize the lie by telling ourselves that it is the quickest, easiest way to spare the other guy's feelings, but what the lie actually says is "I don't have the strength and confidence to say 'no' to you because I want to - I need to invent another man to provide a viable excuse as to why I don't want to date you."

Despite having used this ploy at times in my life, I resent it. I resent that after centuries of attempts to be viewed as equal to men - gaining the vote, demanding control over our bodies, carving out financially and emotionally independent lives - we still sometimes resort to needing male protection. Somehow, even the imaginary threat of a man seems to be better protection than, say, our pepper spray or even our ipod earphones.

As I type this, I am chatting via IM with my (male) friend back home for feedback. He says he doesn't see why it is so bad for females to need male protection - women are, after all, generally weaker/smaller thanmen ("And wait, you weren't upset when I walked you home from work that night, were you??"); therefore it's a fact of life that we might need male protection from other males. I know my friend means well but I am nonetheless getting upset. And I am probably getting upset because I know that ultimately, he has a point.

I know I'm physically smaller and weaker than a man. I know that in nature, animals fear what might hurt them and at 4'11" and under 100 pounds I just don't pose that threat. I know that when I walk home with my 6 foot tall boyfriend (who actually is a 2nd degree black belt in karate) I am more likely to seem like too much trouble to deal with. I know that even if I,
too, became a black belt in karate or an ace with a knife I would still seem like an easy target on sight if I walked home alone at night - until I donned a yellow jumpsuit and with my katana blade slit the rat bastard from navel to nose (yes, I watched Kill Bill last night). Until I can do that, though (and the chances of that are likely to none) I know I am still an easier target than a man.

And that is a thought I absolutely hate.

i didn't mean to turn you on

2007-04-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

more proof that bad things happen when i'm not armed with my headphones-

while reading my book on the train this morning (feminist anthology no less), i noticed a stranger approaching out of the corner of my eye. i did the polite thing and lifted my bag onto my lap so that said stranger could sit on one of the adjacent seats.

stranger sat on the seat next to me.

a few seconds later i hear (in obvious come-on voice), "hey. you look familiar."
dismayed i quietly murmur, "hi." (i am shocked at how soft and gentle my voice sounds when uttering these words.) it's one of the rare moments when i don't have my headphones to act as a barrier that shields me from unwanted discussion. i silently curse myself for forgetting to charge my ipod. i look up to see who this dude is and am startled to see that this man has a severely burned face. still, he has the balls to talk to me when i am clearly occupied with reading my book.
the husky voice comes back with "do you live in highland park?"
"no."
"got a boyfriend?"
i nod yes, not even looking up this time.
some seconds later he walks away.

for a brief moment, i feel guilty for the brush off, wondering if i was too rude, but this feeling quickly fades into relief. it was relatively quick & painless. my anxiety level drops back to normal.

it's difficult for me to explain the degree to which i sincerely hate these types of exchanges. i feel pressured by and highly resentful of this interaction. i can't help but feel as though the pursuing males in question want ownership of me and my time, both of which they have no right to claim. there's a certain privilege inherent in it, you know? the feeling that "hey, i know you're busy with something else, but i'll just interrupt you anyway so that i can hit on you."

at the same time, i've always been taught to be nice and courteous, so although i never welcome this attention, i continue to struggle with brushing it off. i can't understand this. (why should i even care if a total stranger thinks i'm a bitch?) i've chalked it up to deeply ingrained social/cultural training. i also wonder if this particular socialization (to always behave politely) explains why i've often been misunderstood by both men and women. in high school i remember classmates describing me as "quiet" and "shy" or "happy" and "always smiling"-- words that i would never choose to describe myself.

i've heard guys say that they sometimes wish for the type of unsolicited attention women receive on the regular (via catcalls, scandalous glances, come-ons, etc.) or the comment that "you should enjoy it now because one day you'll miss that type of attention." my reply? yeah RIGHT. i don't enjoy being treated this way, continually being reminded that i'm just a sexual object on legs, a walking target for jackasses everywhere. you know, just another light-skinned girl with "good hair" or a vaguely asian, mysteriously exotic, racially ambiguous creature. and furthermore, i highly doubt that there will ever come a day when i long for this attention.

i can't even describe the recurring threat that this type of attention poses to my safety and well-being within my everyday life, or accurately articulate how each of these incidents builds up to an insane amount of frustration. no, i don't fear rape from every single man i meet on the street, but at the same time, i cannot feel safe when a walk last night was accompanied by several hoots and hollers and even a "hey baby" or 2 from men in a nearby car. i hate feeling that to a certain degree, as a small woman, i will always be helpless. i felt like a sitting duck, powerless to talk back to the catcalling men last night, because how could i back up my words with action if shit went down? two men in a car vs. my 5' frame on foot? i may be feisty, but i'm not stupid. last night, i briefly fantasized for the first time about getting a gun, thinking that it would be the one way i could consistently win against any number of male harassers. and i had always considered myself a pacifist! after a little more thought, i think i'll go the self-defense class route over the gun route (for now anyway).

back to this morning-
despite feeling as though the brushoff was successful, i still looked back over my shoulder periodically as i quickly made my way out of the train station and toward my workplace. my ipod is charging as i type to ensure that my headphones will give the silent brushoff if necessary tonight.

i look forward to the day when i'm strong enough to respond without having to hide behind my trusty headphones, and i know that day will come.

Another gem (thanks again to BUST Magazine)

2007-04-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of the Chubsters? They're a girl gang from the UK.
Check out the "donut hands" (gang sign) under the "chub life" section.

http://www.chubstergang.com/index.htm

awesomeness

2007-04-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

i found out about this amazingness from bust mag:

http://sprockettes.org/sprockettes/about.html

JOIN THE FUN. you know you want to...

2007-04-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

women, girls, ladies and broads, i know you're reading this...so why aren't you WRITING this?

this blog is only as good and as our entries. PLEASE PARTICIPATE!

if you check this blog regularly, or if your name is listed on the column to the left of this post...the time is now to start contributing. this blog wasn't created for just dolly and me to bounce ideas off each other- we do that already! our hope with wwm was to foster a new kind of community. we want to hear your experiences and opinions and know what's making the gears turn in your brains. we won't be able to do that if we're the only ones writing these posts. in the wise words of salt n pepa, "go ahead girls, express yourself!"

i know life gets crazy with work, school, and other commitments, but please just take 5 or 10 minutes from your daily myspace-browsing time and donate it to wwm. we invite you to join our motley crew of free-thinking femmes!

(hey, don't make me call you out individually, wink.)

Overwhelmed. Too many things to plan. Tired.

2007-04-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

I want to write a proper blog, but my brain hurts. I’ll list stuff instead...
a few things that excite me about getting married
night time cuddling
having someone who loves everything about you, including the good/bad/ugly
cooking plus one portions (love to cook)
being able to share annoying life tasks
being forced to work problems out and thus, enhancing my sense of self
learning more about my fiance
having a partner in crime
lazy sundays with the one you <3
ETC...
Things occupying space in my head and burning a hole in my gut
$$$ issues
Moving, packing, landlords etc.
Obsessing over looks
feeling insecure
More $$$ issues
Thinking of leaving LA
Never having free time on the weekends! I used to visit my mom
Weekly…haven’t seen her in ages!
Planning wedding stuff (fun, but stressful)

Things to do before May 19
Get rings
Pick up my dress
Get Chris a tux
Pay travel agent
Pay for everything else
Buy a unity candle
Attend a ladies day out bach party
Talk w/reverend about ceremony
Talk with Madonna inn coordinator to finalize details
Get beautified
Buy a guest book
Assemble place card thingies
Meet w/hair & make-up chica
Get shoes dyed
Get a haircut
Move to my mom’s then
Move into Chris’ pad
Have rehearsal
Go to Oregon to see friends and scope it out

Things I’d like to have one day
Ability to look back @ a long/happy marriage
Kids
A degree
A new VW bug
A walk-in closet
Debt free living
General contentment

more, but...

from wikipedia

2007-03-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

Female emancipation

Woman with bicycle, 1890s

The diamond-frame safety bicycle gave women unprecedented mobility, contributing to their emancipation in Western nations. As bicycles became safer and cheaper, more women had access to the personal freedom they embodied, and so the bicycle came to symbolise the New Woman of the late nineteenth century, especially in Britain and the United States.

The bicycle was recognised by nineteenth-century feminists and suffragists as a "freedom machine" for women. American Susan B. Anthony said in a New York World interview on February 2, 1896: "Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel...the picture of free, untrammelled womanhood." In 1895 Frances Willard, the tightly-laced president of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, wrote a book called How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle, in which she praised the bicycle she learned to ride late in life, and which she named "Gladys", for its "gladdening effect" on her health and political optimism. Willard used a cycling metaphor to urge other suffragists to action, proclaiming, "I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum."

The male anger at the freedom symbolised by the New (bicycling) Woman was demonstrated when the male undergraduates of Cambridge University chose to show their opposition to the admission of women as full members of the university by hanging a woman in effigy in the main town square -- tellingly, a woman on a bicycle. This was as late as 1897.^[11]

In the 1890s the bicycle craze led to a movement for so-called rational dress, which helped liberate women from corsets and ankle-length skirts and other restrictive garments, substituting the then-shocking bloomers.

W.W.K.M.D.?

2007-03-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

I hate that at the semi-young age of 27, I can look around at society today and ask, “Where did the good ole days go?” It seems that in the short span of 10+ years (the time I’ve spent working for the man) America’s economic system has gotten progressively worse. Okay, my worldviews have never resided in a rose-colored bubble; I’ve always known that the divide between the rich and the average Joe/Joanne is chasm like and depressing. But in my jaded eyes, and considering that you want to own a home and start a family, our ability to breathe the refreshing air of financial freedom isn’t even a possibility if you make under $50,000 in L.A. today!

I have a decent job with okay wages, but it only ever amounts to enough…paycheck to paycheck. When I receive a raise, all of my other expenses are “coincidentally” raised as well; over a few years, my rent has went up $125 and my health care usually soaks up the 50 cent raise I get every other year. These rising costs level my fiscal playing field so that at the end of the day, my money meter points to zero or negative sums.

I should be content in the fact that I have healthcare when so many others don’t, and when I pull up past images of the Katrina relief debacle I should sleep easier, right? I do have it good, right? Why don’t I feel right?

I’m not a coin-operated machine, nor am I one who gets high off sniffing dollar bills. Money making/greed isn’t the essence of my rant. What I strive for is a comfortable quality of life. I’m happy for what God has blessed me with, but at the end of the day when I come home to endless bills, despite my thriftiness & budgeting, I have to reach for my old pal Visa to keep me moving.

Anyway, I’m getting married soon, and my fiancé proposed the idea of moving out of L.A. so that we can actually have tangible assets to look back upon; although CA has been my home since birth, that option doesn't seem so shabby. I want to own a home and have a family, but I hate that the compromise for attaining those things is moving away from my home and family. Irony sucks, eh?

Why such a divide between those who live with ease, and those who live with debt? What would bell hooks say...What would Karl Marx do? We'll see what happens I guess...

$%#*!

2007-03-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

I JUST DON'T GET IT!

despite (or maybe because of?) my ambivalence towards marriage in my own life, the engagement of my boyfriend's good friend (to his girlfriend of a year) is bringing up some odd and unexpected mixed feelings.

i am all for the presence of marriage in the lives of my friends who want to get married; however, in the last few years i've experienced an inner backlash against it in my own.

a few ideas that i've been pondering:
-in this country, marriage is clearly an institution of privilege reserved only for heterosexuals. i don't want to support that.
-sometimes the idea of being so completely committed to one person, ready to "stand by your man" no matter what, sounds like a terrifying trap.
-with divorce so frequent, what does marriage really mean? why choose marriage over long-term cohabitation? in the worst case scenario, isn't it better to live together and break up than get married and divorced? (i was born "out of wedlock." what impacted me 100x more than my parents being unmarried was the idea that they weren't together and the absence of my dad.)

my general attitude is, if it happens, it happens. i'm not going to live my life in mad pursuit of a husband. i'd like to live a happy and well-rounded life with love and family as integral components, but i don't want marriage and children to be my ultimate goals. (where do you go from there?)

so back to the matter at hand...why all the weirdness? whenever i receive news of an engagement (e.g. good friends or family members), my usual response is extreme happiness and sincere excitement for the couple's bright future together. maybe it's messed up, but this time, i didn't feel that way. i saw it coming, so i wasn't surprised. i think they will be happy together, and i'm happy for them (despite the past minor conflicts i've had with the bride-to-be), but i guess somehow the announcement raised some buried feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. i began having thoughts like, "how did he know in only a year when ----- and i have been dating for a few...what does that say about me?" or "will ----- ever propose?" etc. you know what i mean, right? WEIRD! especially for someone so decidedly not interested in marriage right now.

is it time to confront the jealous 15 year-old girl within? (why won't she leave me alone already?) or do i unconsciously aspire to an age-old tradition without even realizing it? despite my clear objections to certain aspects of the institution, am i still secretly "wedded" to the idea of marriage or what? sigh.

Getting women's voices out there

2007-03-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

In this NY Times article, a discussion of the effort to put more women's voices in op-ed pages. It reminded me of the great forum we have here.

Warm-fuzzies!

Straight Outta East Los

2007-03-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

So, I was in the break-room during lunch, pouring over the endless array of gag-worthy mag choices like town and country/ Talbot's, when I chanced upon the March issue of Tu Ciudad L.A.
They featured an article on the comedic and satirical sagacity of a fictional chola, so of course, I immediately hauled a** to my desk to check out her sites http://www.myspace.com/askachola
and http://www.askachola.com/

Dang! I wasn't sorry. FUNNY SH*T! I thoroughly enjoy this project askachola has going on, and I hope you will too. ** hint, hint **
So anyhoo, what I'm trying to say is that you should put a jet pack on your buns & visit her page, or I'm pretty sure that she'll cut you.

Good Friends

2007-03-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a good friend in your life? No. Scratch that. Have you ever had a great friend in your life? She influenced you, listened to you, made you laugh, but most of all, loved you? Real unconditional love? Some of us are lucky to have a friend like that.
I've been thinking a lot about my friend. I've known her for many, many years. We've gone through a lot together. She is my sister. Well, not biologically, anyway. She's my friend-sister. Yeah!
I wanted to be just like my friend B. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to be my friend--I've always liked me--I just wanted to be a better version of me and she had some of the characteristics that I wanted.

This girl could talk to anyone. She'd make friends in a gas station. I loved that. I wanted to be that outgoing and trusting of people. She's no pushover, though. I saw the way people reacted to her humor and friendliness. I wanted that reaction, too. People were (and still are) so drawn to her. I used to think "What is it she does that makes people react the way they do?" So, I decided to "steal" that characteristic from her. :)
You would not believe how people react when you are nice to them. If I meet someone in a bad mood, I always try to be nice to them. If you're friendly to people you'll always get a smile from them. Try it! I learned this from my friend. She could make the grouchiest old man smile. I've seen it!

Once, we were both auditioning for the same part (a voice over) on a TV show a long time ago. The producer brought all of us into an office. B saw the furniture and said ,"Look! It's a casting couch!" I busted up laughing. The producer didn't know quite how to react to that. The look on his face was priceless! I don't remember what he said, but he was quite shocked. This is the kind of thing she'd do; she wasn't afraid of saying anything to anyone.

Oh, can this girl keep a secret!!! She's got other people's secrets locked up inside, I've been trying to get out of her for 20 years! From her, I've learned how to keep a promise. Now, when people tell me things, it stays with me.

What I'm trying to say is you can learn so much from your friends. I took what I thought was the best part of her personality and made it my own. The thing I wanted most to be was kind, funny, outgoing, and not afraid to talk to people. I learned how to do that from my friend. I thank B and love her a lot.

Hug your friend. She's precious.

Oh, and my friend got the part.

WACK! art & the feminist revolution

2007-03-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

for all the LA-area ladiez:

moca has this amazing new exhibit about art + feminism, and it's opening this weekend! (right about now i really wish i was a moca member so that i could attend the members' opening event tomorrow...aw.)

http://www.moca.org/wack/

i can't wait to see it. i'm gonna plan to attend the walkthroughs on sunday.
(i'm so exciiiiiiiited!)

Year 27 & 28

2007-02-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

I went to a 30th birthday party tonight and asked the birthday girl if she felt any wiser. I personally think that as Aaliyah once sang, "age ain't nothin but a number." But I was curious to see what the birthday girl thought. She said it was no biggie and that she didn't feel any older or wiser. She said 27 and 28 are the years that are the toughest where you grow a stomach pouch and your bootie grows. After that you get comfortable with your body and learn to exercise to stay in shape. I said, "Great! This is my year! for growth" So, as I anticipate my butt and my bellie to grow this year, I will continue eating as much as I want. Might as well enjoy while I can! So, I celebrated the rest of the evening by eating 2 cupcakes. Damn they were good.

the origins of "feminazi"

2007-02-22T13:06:00.000-08:00

it appears that the source of this word's popularity is RUSH LIMBAUGH!!! (yuck!)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminazi

lately he's also been going around calling mixed folks of african descent, like me, halle berry, and barack obama HALFRICANS. what an ass! he certainly seems to enjoy trying to define other people's identities. he uses stupid labels in a lame attempt to dismiss and discredit important ideas and experiences. gee, he sure must feel threatened! how sad. ;)

but seriously, words like "feminazi" continue to perpetuate harmful stereotypes about feminists and assertive women in general. that's why i felt it was important to find out more about its origins and usage and am posting this info here!

on ownership of the term

2007-02-20T17:49:00.000-08:00

i'm often disappointed by the hesitancy of many women to embrace the term "feminist." sometimes it's almost as if the term is as powerful as a scarlet letter, in effect labeling an individual undesirable in our society.

why is this the case?
why do so many strong and intelligent women shy away from this term?

having been born and bred in the US, i feel that feminism is still very misunderstood among the (north) american public-at-large. i myself will admit to only relatively recently growing into the term, due mostly to my reluctance to prematurely identify with a movement i knew so little about. (i'm still in the learning process and most of my current knowledge comes from books and friends.) i always knew that i was curious about it and wanted to learn more, and the more bell hooks i read, the more i see how clearly my personal values are naturally aligned with feminist thought.

i love that feminism is still a controversial topic today because this forces people to adopt a "come strong or not at all" attitude. i've never seen/known a half-assed feminist. the term conjures up images of radicalism, non-conformity, activism, pride, fierce independence, and of course women's historic struggles for equality, all of which i embrace whole-heartedly. what i don't embrace is the pervasive misconception that feminism is all about man-hating. (what a sexist and completely male-centered notion!) as one of the wwm contributors (da) mentioned in her intro, there are many flavors of feminism. the one constant thread is that it's a movement centered around opposing sexism in all its forms. this means recognizing and challenging the gendered conceptions and systems we've been conditioned to buy into, as well as understanding and opposing the sexism perpetuated by both males and females that we encounter on a daily basis.

i think we should compile a list of the biggest misconceptions about feminists/feminism...anyone have suggestions for this?

one of the top misconceptions has got to be that feminist women in heterosexual relationships cannot/should not enjoy being treated by men on dates. my response: as two equals, i feel that my date and myself should both demonstrate a certain level of respect and enjoy mutual admiration, which sometimes results in being treated on dates. what, are feminists supposed to avoid fun at all costs? c'mon! gimme a damn break.

ode to denim

2007-02-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

O! fave jeans, you have passed
gone to that place where denim goes to die
leaving me aghast
for I killed you with my humungo thigh
I tried to hold on; I sewed you, I stitched
you couldn't contain me, you ripped and I bitched
but not to worry, for my very concerned mom
saved my day, with zafu.com !!!

seriouly though, good jeans are sooooooooo hard to come by! i'm short/chubby, so i can never find my right size! sorry to make the following statement, but oprah was right...she suggested that when you find a good pair of jeans, buy @ least 2 pair! o oprah, that Stedman is one lucky mofo to have the infinitely wise you...

2 Things I Hate

2007-02-13T20:41:00.000-08:00

There are 2 things I really hate 1) SUV's 2) Men that drive SUV's. I was on the 10 driving to Alhambra when I merged into a lane just at the same time as another guy. Now, most people would probably recognize that it was bad timing on behalf of both people but this asshole thought it was my fault and decided he would ride my ass in his brand new truck. When he got the opportunity he cut over two lanes and then cut back to get in front of me and of course he slammed on his breaks. How predictable! So after getting very close to rear ending him I decided to not play that game and stayed way back just to further piss him off. Ahhh it put me in such a crappy mood that yet another SUV with some dude in his big truck and his masculinity (or lack of) went out of his way to be an ass. Why is this shit necessary? And at the end of the day do assholes like him feel better about themselves?

"a girl like me"

2007-02-11T23:43:00.001-08:00

hey, CONTRIBUTORS!

2007-02-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

hey ladies, we've switched over to the new version of blogger which unfortunately means that in order to post, you will have to switch over to the new blogger too. (if you look to your left, you'll see that some contributor names have disappeared for this reason.)

it's quick and easy to switch, but just kind of annoying.
1) log into your "old blogger" account at blogger.com/start
2) under the heading "Your new version of Blogger is ready!" click on "Switch to the new version" and follow the instructions.
3) once you switch, you'll start signing in using the "new blogger" link (at blogger.com/start)

we apologize for these technical difficulties...please email us at womenswrites@gmail.com if you have any questions or problems relating to this whole stinky process!

(this is an enhanced re-post for anyone who missed it the first time)

gloria steinem article

2007-02-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

it's about presidential candidates, and it's here.

frustration

2007-02-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

the only thing worse than having some big truck block the crosswalk (and obstruct your view of the pedestrian signal!) when you're hungrily trying to make your way to the restaurants across the street is having the mofo who's driving the truck loudly catcalling and waving at you NON-STOP while you're madly attempting to see if it's ok to cross.

i so badly wanted to egg that jackass right in the face.

food for thought

2007-02-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in the lunchroom today and noticed that for every 1 guy happily enjoying his huge hungryman-esque entrée, there were at least 2 women (including me) nuking their minuscule-portioned lean cuisine/weight watcher rations. And I say rations because when you’re a woman, who is constantly reminded by society to watch her figure, every calorie counts. I hate that women aren’t supposed to enjoy food, and I hate that although I occasionally indulge in rich fares, I’m a calorie counter too.

I’ve never, ever, ever, ever seen a guy who refused a food item because it was “too fattening,” or because he was “watching his weight.” It’s not right.

Maybe I’m just being biased and limiting my thoughts to personal experience, but this is what I see and, this is what I feel needs to change.

chones

2007-02-05T09:04:00.000-08:00

sorry to be all things wedding all of the time, but I just have to say that before you go shopping for a wedding dress, remember to wear nice chones! The shop attendant is going to see you in your underwear more than anyone else you've ever known...alls I'm sayin'!

there's no E in the word "t-a-s-t-y"

2007-01-31T17:39:00.001-08:00

ok, i want to like Fergie. really, i do. i even have the Black Eyed Peas "my humps" on my ipod. embarrassing, yes, but i'm admitting it.

i keep seeing that Fergalicious video and it really bothers me. not because i'm jealous and wish i had a body like that. every time i see it i can't help but think "are her parents watching this?"

i guess i'm just tired of seeing barely dressed women in music videos. i know if i don't like it i can just turn it off, but what kind of message is this sending to young girls? that this is what you should aspire to be? someday you too can jump out of a cake and rub yourself with frosting on television?!

good grief.

The right of way (not really a feminist topic)

2007-01-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I find myself nearly run over, up to four times a day, as I walk from the parking lot to my workplace? Mind you, I'm using designated sidewalks, crosswalks with bright day-glow yellow pedestrian crossing signs, painted signs on the roads, and painted crosswalk markings on the road. I just do not understand why cars insist they must go, NOW. What - letting a pedestrian cross the street would slow you down that significantly? Are you going to lose your life over it? Because they're definitely risking mine.

A few weeks ago, I was crossing a drive-way on the sidewalk, in front of a car that was stopped there, waiting for traffic to clear. When I was right in front of the car, the driver, who was on her cell phone, released her brake, almost hit me and scared the living daylights out of me. Did she apologize for or even acknowledge scaring the shit out of me? No, she went right on gabbing on her phone.

This week, I was in the middle of a cross-walk, and the car refused to slow down or stop. As I finished crossing the lane, and the car was inches from my feet, I shot the driver a condescending look, and then got honked at. WTF? Did I not get out of YOUR way fast enough?

Am I the only person out there that thinks pedestrians should be allowed to cross at crosswalks? When I'm in my car, I usually let pedestrians go ahead of me. That way, I won't run them over if they decide to run across the street, and besides, they're usually colder/wetter/tireder than I am in my sheltering vehicle.

Seriously, when did drivers get to be so atrocious and disrespectful regarding pedestrians?

Driving myself crazy

2007-01-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm having a feminist crisis. My boyfriend's vehicle is being fixed this week, so I have been doing the driving to and from work (we carpool) and found that I get really nervous with him in the car. I don't know why. I also find myself defending what I am doing and why. For example: "I'm going to get over in the other lane after this car," "I'm only going 70 because my car doesn't like to go fast," etc. Suddenly I can't change lanes without his help "can I get over?"

Now, I don't usually question my driving skills and have never been in an accident (unlike the boyfriend, whose name is David, by the way) so why am I nervous and questioning everything I am doing?

And let me add that he isn't a backseat driver - he doesn't say things - I say things before he has the chance, or so I think.

I also ramble on and on like me talking is somehow going to distract him from paying attention to my driving.

Although, we've been together more than a year (and have lived together for several months), he's only driven with me in my car a few times. His car is way nicer (has air conditioning) so he usually drives us to work everyday and anywhere else we go together.

And one last thing, I know he trusts me and my driving skills. I have started driving his vehicle even without him as a passenger - obviously he trusts me. He has never once said anything to make me think that he doesn't like my driving...so why am I freaking out about this?

In my defense, I am not used to driving with passengers in the car. I used to drive to work all alone everyday as I used to live 5 minutes from my job. And anytime I went anywhere with people they usually drove because they have nicer cars. And this doesn't happen in any other situation with David. That said...

As a feminist, I am very dissapointed in myself about this whole situation. So I am asking my fellow feminists/strong women - any ideas/suggestions for me? Anybody else have this problem? Does it go away?

ATTN: CONTRIBUTORS!

2007-01-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

hey ladies, we've switched over to the new version of blogger which unfortunately means that in order to post, you will have to switch over too. (if you look to your left, you'll see that most contributor names have disappeared for this reason. boo!)

it's quick and easy to switch, but just a minor hassle. we apologize for these technical difficulties...please email us at womenswrites@gmail.com if you have any questions or problems relating to this whole stinky process!

a rose by any other name...

2007-01-26T15:16:00.000-08:00

...would it still smell the same? I am in the midst of a rather common (and unavoidable) wedding quandary: should I assume his surname? Even though my guy assures me that MY answer hinges upon MY happiness, there are those intangible sentiments, which he emits, that escort me to the idea that taking his name would color his world three shades of happy.
What to do? I know it’s a tradition; and traditionally speaking, his desire for me to take his name is probably valid. But, I think that people get so attached to social mores that they don’t always understand what they’re attaching themselves to. I would not only be changing my name, but the air of my independence as well.
Yes, it could be argued that while I'd like to maintain autonomy, my current last name is in fact my father's and thus, symbolizes the patriarchal bloodline of my family. But, despite that objection, Resendez carries my ethnicity, the financial history I created for myself, and my identity for the past 27 yrs. I still don’t know what I’m going to do…any suggestions? Please, feel free to comment!

**And, don’t even get me started on the whole walking down the aisle business. Coverture is over-ture, baby! Last time I checked, no one (except maybe the U.S. Gov., guffaw-guffaw!) owns me! So, if I do decide to saunter down the aisle, mom will most certainly be there too! :)

HEY!

2007-01-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

I do not approve of the disapproving glances at my VPL (visible panty line) that I just received from a fellow femme, my boss! Actually, I guess she looked more concerned than anything else.

In the wise words of Monica, "It's just one of dem days." Don't take it personal.

The first of a myriad of thoughts

2007-01-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

Hello to all the women on this blog project! I'm happy to contribute my first musing of many.

I've been thinking a lot about the bigger picture... when I used to work in retail and two of my co-workers were bitching at each other about something, I just kept thinking how there are bigger problems in the world... and when my former manager kept hammering into me how important it was to finish everything on time, no matter what (steaming clothes, pricing things, etc.)... I just thought: "there's more than this."

I'm suddenly very disappointed in the world around me. I used to not really care because it didn't affect me and it was all far away from me. But the more I know, the more I'm horrified. And the more I want to do my part to make everything better... even if I can only do a tiny bit.

It finally occurred to me how much I have. Maybe this was brought on by everything I've been through during my life and I realized how precious the little things were that I used to take for granted... like making your own choices and having the ability to do whatever you please with the time that you have.

I was looking at websites the other night... volunteer organizations abroad, mostly. There's one called global volunteers where you can volunteer a few weeks of your time to go abroad and teach English, build homes, and help those who don't have a voice in this world. There was one where you could go to Afghanistan and join the fight to educate women who have been denied the right to read and write because of the laws. Maybe this is something I could do one day... since I know that every little drama in my life was not nearly as bad as what others are experiencing now. Soldiers fighting in Iraq have lost their lives or are missing limbs. Some people don't know where their next meal will come from. Some live in fear of death every day...

Could I make a difference? Going elsewhere someday would let me see parts of the world I never dreamed existed... meet people I would never have met otherwise... and experience things that will hopefully make me a better person.

Time to save up vacation hours.

-- Cat

Movie posters, obesity, monsters...

2007-01-22T16:01:00.000-08:00

Just one of many blogs on weight that I will write. Has anybody else seen the billboard (bus) ads or movie previews for Eddie Murphy’s new movie Norbit? Is anyone else tired of seeing movies make fun of obese women and people in general? First of all the poster itself is offensive. Let me first say that I am overweight, not obese but overweight. Although there are probably people walking this Earth that would call me obese, but I don’t consider myself obese. Anyway, I was standing on the corner of a street and this giant bus pulls up and stops in front of me and on the side of the bus is a giant Norbit poster. In this poster all you see is this giant woman in lingerie with bulging fat thighs, arms, etc., practically suffocating this poor, tiny, skinny man. (And why is she in lingerie while he is completely dressed?) Above them is the line “Have you ever made a really big mistake?” So first we are dealing with the stereotype that fat women are unattractive and no man would be caught dead under an obese woman, so apparently his “big mistake” was having sex with a fat woman. God forbid!

But once you see the previews you see that not only does Eddie (who portrays both characters) make the woman obese but he also makes her a horrible beast of a woman; so now we are dealing with the stereotype that fat women are mean, pushy, domineering and bitchy, oh and for good measure he named her Rasputia. In the summary of the movie on the Internet Movie Database they call her “monstrous.” So somehow, this giant monster bullies this poor little skinny man and forces him to promise to marry her. His savior comes in the form of you guessed it, a skinny, beautiful, kind woman (played by Thandie Newton). This story is old and I find it offensive to both women and men and both skinny and fat.

And, don’t even get me started the fact that these obese women characters are being written and played by men – who have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, skinny or not.

I am a huge fan of movies and believe that people can make whatever movies they want and we have the freedom to go see those movies but I just want to know how long it’s going to take till making fun of fat people is no longer funny or acceptable. I just ask for one movie with an obese woman who is normal, nice, kind and who finds a nice, kind man and lives somewhat happily ever after.

2007-01-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

"All it takes is one person… and another… and another… and another… to start a movement" ~A.Heschel

The first of many about food, I do believe

2007-01-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

In a fabulous merger of childhood desire and adult responsibility, Vons, as part of their organic line, now carries 100% juice, no sugar added, organic silver pouches that are impossible to poke through with a straw. That’s right, Capri Sun for grown-ups, and I couldn’t be happier.

I love food. I have no idea where I got that, as I have two of the pickiest parents in the world. I recall a lot of those Birdseye frozen vegetable squares from childhood (carrots, green beans and corn, oh my), along with Shake-n-bake, Campbell’s soup, and cucumbers covered in that gelatinous Wishbone Italian dressing (do you think Italy is aware we’ve sullied its good culinary name with this crap?). Usually my mom packed our lunches, including a Hi-C juice box that was never thawed by lunch, soup or sandwich, a fruit roll-up or a baggie of chocolate chips and raisins, and a quarter taped to the inside lid of my lunch box for an ice cream (the pink and white kitty litter-looking one). We were allowed to buy lunch on days it was something we liked, which was maybe twice a month. The divorce years, starting at age 9ish, through a combination of parental guilt and neglect, involved a whole lot more junk food. In other words, I had an unremarkable childhood, food-wise.

Just after my 14^th birthday I became a vegetarian. As of my past birthday I’ve been a vegetarian for more years than I haven’t (ok, well, I guess as of my 28 ½ birthday, but since I’m not 7, I don’t hold up halves of fingers when asked how many I am). Why? For the same reason you do anything else at 14; because all your friends are doing it. I went to an alternative school; all my friends, elders and teachers were hippies. It started as an animal rights/peer pressure thing, and has evolved from there. I kind of hate it when people ask me why I’m a vegetarian. Usually I say “’cause all my friends were doing it”, we laugh, and I change the subject. There are those who ask because they’re genuinely curious, and there are those who ask because they want to pick a fight. I don’t know what that’s about. I don’t preach or guilt trip, I don’t insist we eat at vegetarian restaurants, I don’t moo when you take a bite of your burger, I’ll buy meat at a store if you ask me to, I’ll flip burgers while tending the grill, just not with the same spatula. So why you gotta hate?

Woo, this blog took a different route than I expected. I think I touched on exactly one of the maybe 5 bullet points I had emailed myself as a reminder (which was Capri Sun, bee tee double-you), which I guess means I’ll be blogging about food a lot. So why am I a vegetarian? At this point I have nothing to lose. I haven’t had meat in 15 years; I honestly don’t remember what it tastes like. The smell of bacon or chicken wings still makes me salivate, but their Morningstar counterparts, to me, are meat. I’ve weighed the same since probably at 18, and while I’m lucky to crave salad-oriented foods anyway (Hi Brooke!), I don’t feel like I need to deny myself the bad food I do sometimes want. It requires a lot fewer acres and resources to feed a vegetarian than to feed an omnivore, and produces a lot less waste (poop!). I couldn’t kill an animal myself, so maybe I shouldn’t ask others to for me (dear farmers and hunters, eat all the meat you want). I would love to be more connected to my food than I am. I buy organic and/or local when it’s convenient and cheap (do we all work for non-profits? You can relate.) but I rarely go out of my way to. In a society where we’re all meant to feel guilty about every calorie we eat, I feel like I’ve got a pretty good relationship with food. I’d totally split a Best Friends heart-shaped necklace with it.

Wow, finishing a blog is nice. I wish I smoked so I could have a post-blog cigarette.

-Melissa

hey, does anybody remember...

2007-01-20T11:16:00.000-08:00

carol moseley braun?
that candidate from the 2004 presidential race?

i guess she doesn't get much mention now because she didn't take it all the way, although i did watch her in preliminary debates at least once. if she had been elected, she would have been the first african american + woman president. according to wikipedia, she was the first and only black woman elected to the senate. she was also the first african american senator to be elected as a democrat.

i didn't vote for kerry in the primaries. i had been rooting for dean + kucinich.

excited about 2008 though--a lot of potential there!

you are all invited to my place to eat sausage soup + watch the presidential debate when it's time. (it's a tradition i started in 2004.) hmm, on second thought, this time maybe i'll ditch the sausage. ;)

tangent to björk, bathrooms, babies, and ambition

2007-01-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

I thought I would leave an entry as opposed to a comment in response to Simone's blog.

Upon speaking to a pregnant co-worker and team member, we discussed the difficulties involved in balancing career with family-and how there is an inherent inequality between the position of men and women within the work force.

With Architecture, as am sure exists with all professions, timing is very important. One has to invest in 5 years of school, and another few years to prepare for the Architectural Registration Exams ( a grueling series of 10 tests culminating to an oral exam administered in front of a panel of architects in a hotel room) before becoming licensed in the state. This barely covers you to practice in your field legally-not to mention the extra time needed to coordinate your own projects and have them built.

Typically, architects become licensed around the age of 30-leaving hardly enough time to balance child bearing and rearing for females. In my environment at work, my pregnant co-worker struggles to achieve her title and worries about the time she will need to take off work to care for her new born. Meanwhile, our studio director (a tenaciously aggressive man) just had a baby, (meaning his wife had the baby) and has only taken one day off of work to spend time with his daughter.

I am not sure what the answer to this predicament is-I suppose only a precise balance can help women support the family they desire and the career they love. It is simply unfair for this biological burden to be placed on us. In these times, thinking of how my mother raised me and my two siblings and of all my other friend's moms who raised them on their own, keeps me optimistic...

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there should be several lights that never go out...

2007-01-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

Music News- Mamas and Papas Singer Denny Doherty Dies - AOL News

I love the Mamas and the papas, and their embodiment of free self-expression.

Mama Cass was a legend! Denny Doherty was a golden-throated wonder! Give them props y’all!

keep your Y's and I's

2007-01-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

Before I get started ranting and raving... It should be know that I don't like womYn spelled with a Y or boI with an I. I do like women, more then the right wing coalition would perhaps like me to. Boys are ok. I'll get down to the nitty-gritty tomorrow.

80's appeal

2007-01-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

wouldn't it be better if today's pop stars were more like this?

i miss the 80's!

BUTCHLALIS - submitted by raquefella

2007-01-17T17:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends, Acquaintances, Awkward Moments, Strange Bedfellows, Bitter Rivals, Identity Politicians, Journalists, Nature Lovers, et all:

We, the four of us in the Butchlalis de Panochtitlan, have an all new full-length show that features new work, familiar characters, and some surprises from your favorite rascally tear-jerking tear jerks and caballeros. And we invite you to come and witness, write home about or at least blog it because maybe it's just us but we think not. The collective's decided that 2007 is the year of passion and persuasion.
Maybe the L.A. Weekly catches on, maybe not. Maybe we'll actually get a gig in East L.A., maybe not. Maybe lesbians will pronounce "papi" as "pah-pee" and not "paaap-pee," maybe not.

Still...we, like a beat, go on.

BdP Get U.G.L.Y.
BUTCHLALIS DE PANOCHTITLAN
Infantilizing foursome? Nah! Just the same hot butches with brand new schemes! Expect BdP to bring the sexy wit live and always direct with these troubling and titillating images, skits and skills. New work by the furious foursome call Chicano history with a capital "H", radical femininity, transnational desire, co-dependent deities, papi perils, butch maternity, pain sluts and bitch-hood into question. Voyeurs and haters alike are forced to engage "love em or hate em" you can't kill 'em and you can't live without 'em.

FEBRUARY 23-24, 2006
8:30pm @ HIGHWAYS PERFORMANCE SPACE (www.highwaysperformance.org)
1651 18th Street, Santa Monica CA 90404
Reservation Line (310) 315-1459
$20/$15 (Senior/Student Discount With I.D.)
www.butchlalis.com - www.myspace.com/butchlalis

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass