- visited 4 dermatologists
- used various topical ointments
- taken various antibiotics
- taken birth control
- entertained religious thoughts
- used at-home peels
- wasted thousands of dollars on over-the-counter products
- applied masks made of aspirin, egg yolk and honey
- trolled acne message boards day and night
- learned how to read cosmetic product ingredient lists in search of comedogenic components
- performed wildly unsuccessful "acne surgery" at home
- exfoliated with Scotch tape
- used unknown acne supplements from skincare boutiques
- used vinegar, straight, as a toner
- swallowed vinegar
- gone on a no wheat/no dairy/no processed sugars/no junk food diet
As I fret, research, put extra effort into my appearance to distract from the spots and eschew a delicious pasta product that I crave, I sometimes think to myself how fortunate I really must be. Not fortunate to have persistent and ugly acne, of course, but fortunate enough to have such an easy life that I can become obsessed with my looks. Witness: in researching volunteer projects I'd like to take part in next year, not ONE of the "relief" projects in Tanzania, Cambodia, Costa Rica or Chile involves "Bolstering Self Esteem" or "Sexy Makeovers."
I soothe my guilt by telling myself that my vanity is a biological urge and cannot be helped. Species are driven to carry on their genes and they do this through natural selection. I must be fit if I am to be considered a desirable partner for DNA recombination. No one, I am sure, will want to chance passing on skin like mine. Or turkey thighs like mine. Or my puffy hair.
So there. I do not combat disease or hunger or bad breakups or financial misery but I do plenty of combat in the fight to carry on my genes.
Now back to the vinegar and green vegetables .....
