Monday, November 26, 2007

That Darn Biological Urge ...

Among the many things I have done in attempts to rid myself of my stubborn, disgusting acne:

  • visited 4 dermatologists
  • used various topical ointments
  • taken various antibiotics
  • taken birth control
  • entertained religious thoughts
  • used at-home peels
  • wasted thousands of dollars on over-the-counter products
  • applied masks made of aspirin, egg yolk and honey
  • trolled acne message boards day and night
  • learned how to read cosmetic product ingredient lists in search of comedogenic components
  • performed wildly unsuccessful "acne surgery" at home
  • exfoliated with Scotch tape
  • used unknown acne supplements from skincare boutiques
  • used vinegar, straight, as a toner
  • swallowed vinegar
  • gone on a no wheat/no dairy/no processed sugars/no junk food diet
The last attempt is the most recent, borne out of desperation. Despite all my attempts, the acne is still there after 15 years and thousands of dollars and I've recently noticed a good bit of ice pick scarring on my cheeks; hence the no-holds-barred stab at altering my diet. Despite being loved by friends and family and having a boyfriend who constantly tells me I'm sexy, I'm feeling uglier than I have in decades.

As I fret, research, put extra effort into my appearance to distract from the spots and eschew a delicious pasta product that I crave, I sometimes think to myself how fortunate I really must be. Not fortunate to have persistent and ugly acne, of course, but fortunate enough to have such an easy life that I can become obsessed with my looks. Witness: in researching volunteer projects I'd like to take part in next year, not ONE of the "relief" projects in Tanzania, Cambodia, Costa Rica or Chile involves "Bolstering Self Esteem" or "Sexy Makeovers."

I soothe my guilt by telling myself that my vanity is a biological urge and cannot be helped. Species are driven to carry on their genes and they do this through natural selection. I must be fit if I am to be considered a desirable partner for DNA recombination. No one, I am sure, will want to chance passing on skin like mine. Or turkey thighs like mine. Or my puffy hair.

So there. I do not combat disease or hunger or bad breakups or financial misery but I do plenty of combat in the fight to carry on my genes.

Now back to the vinegar and green vegetables .....

2 comments:

dolly said...

Hey, don’t worry cuz this acne plagued adult totally sympathizes w/yr problem!! Have you tried benzyol peroxide? It’s the only thing that worked for me, and, apart from a few menstrual breakouts, I’m cleared of all acne. Proactive is good, but so many affordable, over-the-counter products, such as Clean and Clear, have BP active ingredients too.

One thing to remember though is that the BP totally dries out your skin, so use plenty of moisturizer…I recommend the one Sarah Jessica Parker claims to use…I forget the name, sorry!

As for the ice-pick scars, which stain my face, I exfoliate with one of those home dermabrasion thingies 1-2 times a week. You can still see my really deep scars, but it helped even out some of my hyper-pigmentation. But, if you’re still hatin’, I think mineral make-up is a great concealer.

Don’t worry about giving so much attention to yr skin, because living in such a looks obsessed society can edge even the best of feminists toward the skincare aisle. I’m no exception. Anyway, drink lots of H2O (which is hard for me to do) and remember that you’re gorgeous!!! I have good and bad days with my skin, but we’re still awesome!!!

O.I. said...

Hi, Dolly! I've tried everything apart from Accutane; things off of the internet (proactiv, sage, paula's choice), just about every product in stores - Benzoyl Peroxide, Salicylic Acid, AHAs, BHAs - several antibiotics, two types of birth control, retinoids, jojoba oil, horsetail pills, vitamins, home microdermabrasion, azelaid acid ... I even learned to read cosmetic labels to weed out harmful ingredients ("non-comedogenic" and "non-acnegenic" on the label mean squat)... NOTHING has ever worked. Mineral makeup broke me out badly; my friend gave me a Bare Escentuals trial set as a maid of honor gift, claiming that it had changed her life but though I desperately wanted it to work, I just developed cysts every time I used it. When I go back home in a few weeks, I'm hoping to take an allergy test and see if any food intolerances are causing this because I'm pretty sure - after all of those other methods - that it's an internal problem, not external! None of my relatives have acne like mine; I mean, all of them got pimples as teens but they all "grew out of it" and now have perfect skin. I don't understand what's wrong with my face, but I just wish any of my dermatologists had thought of an allergy or hormone level test before, but they only look at you for 5 seconds and charge you 100 dollars. I've been reading a lot about needling, which is supposed to be great for ice pick scars and want to get it done but can only get it done once my acne goes away which so far it has never done.

I am so glad BP worked for you - and thank you for the compliments! ;) ! Something just must not be right with my body chemistry, otherwise at least one of those external methods would have worked.

Boy, would I like this teenage problem to be done with so I can worry about grown up problems - like wrinkles!! ;)