In less than a week, my parents and brother are coming to Japan to visit me during our summer holiday. Words cannot express how excited I am - it will be the first time I've seen them since they bid me goodbye at the airport last January. I have reorganized my apartment-tini so that it will look super kawaii and am busily grilling my students for recs on where to take them (not that I don't have any ideas of my own after 7 months, but I'm always on the lookout for something new and cool). When my students and fellow staff members ask if I have any plans for the summer holiday, I am quick to tell them that my family is coming - my family is coming!
And yet, despite the glee, I feel twinges of panic. Said twinges swell up in tiny bubbles, cutting through my euphoria, threatening to burst when I think of the fact that not only are my folks coming to town next week, but so are my boyfriend's mother and brother. Thus, for the first time ever in my life, I will be meeting the mom. Or meeting the mum, rather - my boyfriend is from Ireland.
I met my boyfriend on my second day in Japan. He was my tall, adorable, unintelligible downstairs neighbor and we became fast friends. Within the next couple of months, romance bloomed and we are now about to hit the 5-month mark. For some reason, we are still in the 'honeymoon phase' of things and things are quite, quite excellent. This is my second 'serious' relationship - my first was quite some years ago, in college, and as my ex is Indian, he was careful to keep me as far away from his parents as possible. To be sure, I spent quite a bit of time with his very cool siblings, cousins and friends but, as he explained to me, Indian parents and children keep things such as relationships private unless a wedding is imminent. In the years between my ex and my current boyfriend, there were no relationships beyond flings - which is how I have gotten to the age of 27 without ever having met the parents.
27 and no parents met! Some might think this a most glorious state of being - from many accounts, parents can often upset a happy couple with prying, strict moral values, mewling about grand children/marriage and all around personality conflicts. I used to joke with my ex that I didn't mind never having met his parents - "Who needs the stress?" I would tease - even if I really longed to meet the people responsible for the quirky, grumpy Anish and was secretly hurt that, the one time he took me to his home town, he craned his neck at every intersection to make sure no one his parents knew saw us together. After we broke up during my Senior year of college, knowing that no parents would despise me was a comfort, even if I did worry about what his brother and sister and friends thought. For five years there were no boyfriends or parents in sight. And now, unexpectedly, my time has come.
Colm assures me that I have nothing to worry about. His mum isn't like crazy American moms, don't I know, like? She doesn't have anything out for her darling b'hoy's girlfriend. I'm sure he's right - the photos he's showed me reveal a darling looking woman whose gentle smile seems incapable of morphing into an anti-American girlfriend sneer. And quite honestly, I am really excited to meet Colm's mum and little brother. From what he's told me, they sound delightful and, of course, I want to meet anyone connected with him. I have a quiet dream of telling Ms. O'Doyle that she raised her son right and look forward to catching similar twinkles in their eyes over the cuppas of Barry's tea we might share in his apartment. Yet, I can't help but worry. Will she find my American way flat and uncharming? Will she look at my pimply skin and be unimpressed? Will she secretly think I am stocky or that I look strange next to her 6 foot tall son? Will she, like many others, be annoyed by my less-than-gentle world view and sarcasm? Most of all, will she think I am an aging woman ruthlessly enjoying a b'hoy toy? Neither Colm or I have mentioned to our parents that we're four years apart in age - with me his senior but I'm sure both sets of relatives will figure it out at some point during their visits. Not that it's something either of us are ashamed of - especially not Colm. For my part, I do worry about how we will be perceived, and any issues the age difference could stir up later on. But that's another story.
Tonight, I chatted with my brother over IM. In the past 11 years, my brother has been in four serious relationships and has successfully become part of his girlfriends' families each time. I asked him, "Diego? What are your best tips for meeting the mom?"
"Don't you mean 'the mum'? She's Irish, isn't she?"
"My bad."
"You want tips?"
"Yes," I tope, adding, "Colm isn't nervous at all about meeting you, ma, or dad. I really envy his calm."
"You shouldn't be nervous, either." said Diego. "You want tips? S***, just don't say anything stupid."
"That helps," I told my eternally charming brother.
"Ha ha, just kidding." he said. "Just talk like you'd normally talk. And smile. And act like you actually care about whatever stupid s*** they're talking about. Smile and nod."
"Well, I do care what Ms. O'Doyle has to say," I typed, slightly wounded.
"And you can knock off that kiss-a** act," Diego said.
Talk like I normally talk ... what kind of advice is that? Talking the way I normally talk has done nothing but get me in trouble ever since Catholic school. Smile and nod? She'll think I'm a ventriloquist's dummy! And then another thought troubles me even further: at 27, am I really still so insecure? I tell myself it's only because it's my first time. Everyone knows about the first time!
In the past, my friends have met their significant others' parents and fretted. "What will I wear? Will my boyfriend like my crazy family?" they asked me.
"Of course he will!" I always said. "And they'll all love you, too! How could they not!" Because I love my friends, I couldn't imagine how I could be wrong about this. How could they - wonderful, smart, beautiful - worry about what parents would think of them? Similarly, I can't imagine that my parents wouldn't like Colm. He's handsome, quiet, intelligent, and respectful. He has a good job, loves classical music and eats everything set in front of him (a big plus in my Italian parents' book). Already, my father has shown more interest in him than he ever showed in Anish and once my mother hears Colm talking in that seductive, Irish purr of his I imagine I'll have to pry her off of him.
I just wish I had the same calm about myself.
What will I wear, come to think of it? Something tells me that my fishnet stockings and red leather basque are the wrong choice.
I put the question to you. How did you win over your men's moms?
Monday, July 30, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
A WOMAN'S STORY ABOUT CERVICAL CANCER-SARAH K
I RECENTLY READ THIS STORY OUT OF A TEXAS NEWSPAPER AND IT DEEPLY TOUCHED ME. AS SOMEONE WHO ADVOCATES FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS, I UNDERSTAND THE BATTLE FOR THE VACCINE FOR THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS. IT IS CRITICAL TO WOMEN'S HEALTH AND YOUNG GIRL'S HEALTH.
HEATHER BURCHAM WAS ONLY 31 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE DIED OF CERVICAL CANCER. SHE SPEND THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF HER LIFE IN PAIN DUE TO THE DISEASE. THROUGHOUT HER BATTLE OF THE DISEASE SHE SPOKE OUT STRONGLY FOR A NEW VACCINE THAT WOULD PROTECT WOMEN FROM MOST COMMON FORMS OF THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS. IT CAUSES CLOSE TO 70% OF ALL CERVICAL CANCER CASES.
SHE WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE OF GOVERNOR RICK PERRY WHEN HE MANDATED THAT ALL GIRLS ENTERING SIXTH GRADE IN TEXAS WOULD BE GIVEN THE GARDASIL VACCINE AS PART OF THEIR BACK-TO-SCHOOL IMMUNIZATIONS. THE GARDASIL VACCINE PROTECTS AGAINST THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS WHICH CAUSES CERVICAL CANCER. BURCHAM WAS SUPPORTIVE AND ONLY WANTED TO PROTECT OUR DAUGHTERS FROM CERVICAL CANCER.
UNFORTUNATELY, LAWMAKERS OVERTURNED THE GOVERNORS MANDATE. THERE WAS CONCERN THAT THE VACCINE WOULD ENCOURAGE GIRLS TO BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. GARDASIL NEEDS TO BE ADMINISTERED BEFORE GIRLS BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF POLITICS INTERVENING IN A MATTER THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT TO THE GOVERNOR. THE VACCINE CAN SAVE LIVES. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THAT SHOULD BE THE BOTTOM LINE.
PARENTS CAN TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND HAVE THEIR GIRLS RECEIVE THE THREE DOSE VACCINE OF GARDASIL. EVERY PARENT SHOULD WANT TO PROTECT THEIR DAUGHTER FROM GETTING CERVICAL CANCER.
HEATHER BURCHAM SAID "IF I COULD HELP ONE CHILD, TAKE THIS CANCER AWAY FROM ONE CHILD, IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME."
THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION ESTIMATE THAT ONE IN FOUR AMERICAN WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 14-59 IS INFECTED WITH THE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED HUMAN HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS, AND MOST DON'T KNOW IT. IT OFTEN TURNS INTO CERVICAL CANCER.
CERVICAL CANCER KILLS 10 AMERICAN WOMEN A DAY.
HEATHER BURCHAM WAS ONLY 31 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE DIED OF CERVICAL CANCER. SHE SPEND THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF HER LIFE IN PAIN DUE TO THE DISEASE. THROUGHOUT HER BATTLE OF THE DISEASE SHE SPOKE OUT STRONGLY FOR A NEW VACCINE THAT WOULD PROTECT WOMEN FROM MOST COMMON FORMS OF THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS. IT CAUSES CLOSE TO 70% OF ALL CERVICAL CANCER CASES.
SHE WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE OF GOVERNOR RICK PERRY WHEN HE MANDATED THAT ALL GIRLS ENTERING SIXTH GRADE IN TEXAS WOULD BE GIVEN THE GARDASIL VACCINE AS PART OF THEIR BACK-TO-SCHOOL IMMUNIZATIONS. THE GARDASIL VACCINE PROTECTS AGAINST THE HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS WHICH CAUSES CERVICAL CANCER. BURCHAM WAS SUPPORTIVE AND ONLY WANTED TO PROTECT OUR DAUGHTERS FROM CERVICAL CANCER.
UNFORTUNATELY, LAWMAKERS OVERTURNED THE GOVERNORS MANDATE. THERE WAS CONCERN THAT THE VACCINE WOULD ENCOURAGE GIRLS TO BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. GARDASIL NEEDS TO BE ADMINISTERED BEFORE GIRLS BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF POLITICS INTERVENING IN A MATTER THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT TO THE GOVERNOR. THE VACCINE CAN SAVE LIVES. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THAT SHOULD BE THE BOTTOM LINE.
PARENTS CAN TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND HAVE THEIR GIRLS RECEIVE THE THREE DOSE VACCINE OF GARDASIL. EVERY PARENT SHOULD WANT TO PROTECT THEIR DAUGHTER FROM GETTING CERVICAL CANCER.
HEATHER BURCHAM SAID "IF I COULD HELP ONE CHILD, TAKE THIS CANCER AWAY FROM ONE CHILD, IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME."
THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION ESTIMATE THAT ONE IN FOUR AMERICAN WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 14-59 IS INFECTED WITH THE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED HUMAN HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS, AND MOST DON'T KNOW IT. IT OFTEN TURNS INTO CERVICAL CANCER.
CERVICAL CANCER KILLS 10 AMERICAN WOMEN A DAY.
PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTERS AGAINST THIS KILLER CANCER FOR HEATHER BURCHAM AND ALL THE OTHERS WHO DIED OF CERVICAL CANCER.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
heh!
Today's work attire: jeans, a tee, flip-flops, and long, dangly earrings.
Why? Because if FT employment won’t allow me to be at the beach, then I’m going to @ least dress, and pretend, like I’m there!
Ha!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HOMELESS LINK-SARAH
Domestic Violence/Housing
There is a link between domestic violence and homelessness in America. Women who decide to leave their abusive partners have little economic resources. Economics is one of the main reasons women stay in an abusive relationships. Women that leave become low-income mothers. They are subjected to finding low-income housing that unusually does not exist. Most places have waiting list. The federal programs to assist women who are low income for housing have waiting list for up to 2 years. What is worse is that women are subjected to a zero tolerance for family members who commit crimes. So if a husband batters his wife she must also leave the premise. Therefore, the innocent victim of violence is homeless or sent to a domestic violence shelter if room is available. This law has recently changed.
Some women are able to gain some independence through the Welfare System. Women do face challenges within the system. In 1996, The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996 “mandated that women be employed with 24 months of initial enrollment in welfare and place a 5 year time limit on a woman’s ability to receive.” This was impossible for women to complete. This was a hinder to woman. Abusive partners saw this as a way for a woman to gain control in her life. Often, abusive partners would return and batter their partner again. Also, the welfare system did not allow enough time for victims of domestic violence to regain control of their life. (Baker, 758)
Today, many states have adopted the Family Violence Option. “It allows states to temporary waive time limits and work requirements for women who self-disclose domestic violence.” (Baker, 758) The problem with the act is its implementation. Caseworkers at the Welfare Office are not trained properly. Some caseworkers are resentful of the law because it gives them a larger workload. Changes in the implementation and the attitudes of caseworkers will allow domestic violence victims gain economic security.
The National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty in 2005 stated that 50% were homeless as a result of domestic violence. It stated in the survey that 92% of the women who were homeless experienced some form of domestic violence or sexual assault. The study states 63% of adults have experienced domestic violence as an adult. (National Law Center, 1)
Sunday, July 22, 2007
What I Like ....
... is the sight of my boyfriend cooking me dinner when I come visit him after a long day of work.
... ahhhhh .....
Saturday, July 21, 2007
FEMALE ELECTED IN INDIA BY SARAH K
IT IS VICTORY FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS IN INDIA TODAY. THIS COULD MEAN A END TO THE LONG COMMITTMENT TO DISCRIMINATION TO INDIAN WOMEN. THIS IS VERY EXICITING NEWS.
INDIA ELECT PRATIBHA PATIL IS THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE COUNTRY. PATIL RECEIVED 65.82% OF THE VOTES CASTED BY THE NATIONAL LAWMAKERS AND STATE LEGISLATORS, AND ELECTION COMMISSION HEAD P.D.T. ACHARY. SHE HAD BEEN EXPECTED TO WIN.
PATIL STATED "I AM GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, TO ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN OF INDIA. THIS IS A VICTORY OF THE PRINCIPLES OF WHICH OUR INDIAN PEOPLE UPHOLD".
HUNDREDS OF CONGRESS SUPPORTERS DANCED IN THE STREETS AS A RESULT OF THE THE ELECTION. PEOPLE WERE BANGING DRUMS AND SETTING OFF FIREWORKS.
SHE WILL BE SWORN INTO A 5 YEAR TERM ON JULY 25, 2007.
THE ELECTION OF THE FIRST FEMALE COULD LEAD TO WOMEN'S RIGHT'S BEING ENFORCED. THE SOCIETY OF INDIA MUST COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THE WOMEN ARE EQUALS IN SOCIETY. WOMEN HAVE BEEN TREATED SO POORLY IN INDIA THAT IT WILL TAKE A WHILE FOR SOCIETY TO CHANGE.
Friday, July 06, 2007
dressing for success (or, the converse-wearing executive director)
on the my first day of work at my current job, my male supervisor suggested that i "dress to the level i want to be promoted to," meaning that if i'd like to be executive director one day, i should start donning the clothes of a would-be director right now. while i appreciated his input (he was genuinely trying to help), this advice absolutely horrified me. to dress in that way would be so counterintuitive for me in more ways than one.
i admittedly have a big problem dressing "like a grown up." i tend to like to think that clothes don't matter much in my life, yet i firmly believe i would work happier and more effectively if wearing clothes that i feel comfortable wearing. i wonder what impact this thinking has had/will have on my career.
looking back, my attitude toward clothing has shifted with the passage of time. as a child of the eighties, i looked to pop culture rather than my elementary school teaching mom for fashion inspiration. i expected to spend my grown up years wearing tight minidresses and heels on a daily basis and was somewhat excited about that prospect.
now fast forward ten years to high school, when i was a thrift store-shopping bargain hunter with a passion for funky old finds. although i wore a uniform to my all-girl catholic high school, i had a penchant for fifties and sixties dresses which i seemingly had no occasion to wear. (my friends and i would wear these to rock shows around L.A. or alcohol-free parties at our parents' homes.) at that tender age, it was important for my clothes to proclaim to the world that i was an individual and not a cookie-cutter clone.
ten years later, i find myself feeling indifferent when it comes to fashion. i have little to no interest in fashion trends and don't really read mainstream women's magazines, so i don't know what's supposedly in or out, nor do i particularly care. yeah, i still like cute clothes, but i also still feel foolish spending more than $30 on any one item. (plus, there are more important things happening in the world, and thus, more important things to spend money on. funds would be put to better use on responsible philanthropy than a $500 purse!) i feel that my clothes are one part of my identity that gives people clues to who i am, but there are loads of other ways to find out, like, say, talking to me. furthermore, i'm getting less and less inclined to care about strangers getting to know me through my damn clothes. (if someone wants to be my friend, they've got to like a lot more about me than whatever piece of fabric i decide to throw on that day!)
still, getting back to the original thought-- whether i like it or not, i must acknowledge that the clothes i wear send a message, especially in my professional life. naomi wolf's beauty myth mentions studies illustrating the fact that women who wore power suits or professional uniforms to work tended to be taken more seriously than those who didn't. my big problem is accepting that fact. are work dress codes a necessary evil of professional life? i am responsible, capable and qualified, so why can't i be taken seriously wearing jeans and a pair of converse to work? why can't our society move PAST clothing and other aspects of our appearance to seek out the substance beneath them?! until we do, we'll always be forced to conform to superficial standards. as a nonconformist, i just can't help feeling confined by dress codes. still, i comply whenever necessary, despite the nagging feeling that i'm "faking it" all workday long.
i have been wanting to write about my relationship with my clothes for a while, so thanks to noelle for reminding me! this is my first stab at getting some of these thoughts down, and i hope to expand on this more later.
what's your relationship with your clothes like?
i admittedly have a big problem dressing "like a grown up." i tend to like to think that clothes don't matter much in my life, yet i firmly believe i would work happier and more effectively if wearing clothes that i feel comfortable wearing. i wonder what impact this thinking has had/will have on my career.
looking back, my attitude toward clothing has shifted with the passage of time. as a child of the eighties, i looked to pop culture rather than my elementary school teaching mom for fashion inspiration. i expected to spend my grown up years wearing tight minidresses and heels on a daily basis and was somewhat excited about that prospect.
now fast forward ten years to high school, when i was a thrift store-shopping bargain hunter with a passion for funky old finds. although i wore a uniform to my all-girl catholic high school, i had a penchant for fifties and sixties dresses which i seemingly had no occasion to wear. (my friends and i would wear these to rock shows around L.A. or alcohol-free parties at our parents' homes.) at that tender age, it was important for my clothes to proclaim to the world that i was an individual and not a cookie-cutter clone.
ten years later, i find myself feeling indifferent when it comes to fashion. i have little to no interest in fashion trends and don't really read mainstream women's magazines, so i don't know what's supposedly in or out, nor do i particularly care. yeah, i still like cute clothes, but i also still feel foolish spending more than $30 on any one item. (plus, there are more important things happening in the world, and thus, more important things to spend money on. funds would be put to better use on responsible philanthropy than a $500 purse!) i feel that my clothes are one part of my identity that gives people clues to who i am, but there are loads of other ways to find out, like, say, talking to me. furthermore, i'm getting less and less inclined to care about strangers getting to know me through my damn clothes. (if someone wants to be my friend, they've got to like a lot more about me than whatever piece of fabric i decide to throw on that day!)
still, getting back to the original thought-- whether i like it or not, i must acknowledge that the clothes i wear send a message, especially in my professional life. naomi wolf's beauty myth mentions studies illustrating the fact that women who wore power suits or professional uniforms to work tended to be taken more seriously than those who didn't. my big problem is accepting that fact. are work dress codes a necessary evil of professional life? i am responsible, capable and qualified, so why can't i be taken seriously wearing jeans and a pair of converse to work? why can't our society move PAST clothing and other aspects of our appearance to seek out the substance beneath them?! until we do, we'll always be forced to conform to superficial standards. as a nonconformist, i just can't help feeling confined by dress codes. still, i comply whenever necessary, despite the nagging feeling that i'm "faking it" all workday long.
i have been wanting to write about my relationship with my clothes for a while, so thanks to noelle for reminding me! this is my first stab at getting some of these thoughts down, and i hope to expand on this more later.
what's your relationship with your clothes like?
INDIA WIDOWS SHUNNED BY SOCIETY, PART 2 : SARAH
INDIA WIDOW'S FLEE TO THE HOLY CITY OF VINDRAVAN CITY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PLACE TO GO. MOST FLEE THEIR HOMES BECAUSE THEIR AFRAID OF BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED OR PHYSICALLY ABUSED BY OTHER MEN. WIDOW'S OF INDIA ARE VIEWED AS PROPERTY TO THEIR HUSBANDS. WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIE THEY HAVE NO VALUE.
AGE DOES NOT MATTER TO THE STATUS OF THE WIDOW. IN MY RESEARCH I FOUND A GIRL THAT WAS MARRIED AT AGE 8. HER HUSBAND WAS 33. SHE BECAME A WIDOW AT AGE 23. SINCE AGE 23 SHE HAS BEEN AT THE CITY OF VINDRAVAN. SHE WAS EVICTED FROM HER HOME BECAUSE WIDOW'S DO NOT HAVE PROPERTY RIGHTS. JUST IMAGINE AT THE AGE OF 23 HAVING NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
THE INDIA SOCIETY IS VERY CRUEL TO THE WIDOW'S OF THEIR COUNTRY. IT IS LIKE THEY DO NOT EXIST. THE GOVERNMENT LOOKS AT MERE PRESENCE OF A WIDOW AS BAD LUCK. WIDOW'S ARE FORCED TO HAVE THEIR HEADS SHAVED. ALL THEIR JEWERLY IS TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM AND THEY MUST WEAR WHITE GARMENTS.
IT IS ESTIMATED THAT 40 MILLION WIDOWS ARE IN INDIA. IT HAS THE LARGEST NUMBER OF WIDOWS IN THE WORLD. 54% OF THE WOMEN OVER 60 ARE WIDOWS IN INDIA. 12% OF THE WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 35-39 ARE ALSO WIDOWS.
THERE IS SOME HOPE FOR WIDOWS OF INDIA. MOHINI GIRI A WIDOW OF INDIA. SHE WAS ABLE TO ORGANIZE WITH OTHER ORGANIZATIONS TO CREATE A PLACE IN VINDRAVAN THAT EMPOWERED WIDOWS.
SHE CREATED A PLACE CALLED "AMAR BARI". AMAR BARI IS A PLACE THAT OFFERS VOCATIONAL TRAINING TO THE WIDOWS. GIRI, GOAL FOR THE WIDOWS IS TO REHABILITATE EACH AND EVERY WIDOW.
AMAR BARI WANTS TO TEACH THE WIDOWS SOCIAL SKILLS AND LEARNING SKILLS. THEY HOPE TO MOTIVATE THE WOMEN TO GAIN ECONOMIC INDEPENCE AND CONFIDENCE. THE WIDOWS PERFORM JOBS SKILLS FOR WHICH THEY RECIEVE INCOME. SOME OF THE JOBS INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: WEAVING, SPINNING, AND NURSES.
THE WIDOW'S PRODUCE GOODS SUCH S QUILTED JACKETS, BEAD WORK, LEATHER POUCHES, AND CLOTH BAGS. SOME OF THE WIDOWS WORK AS NURSES TAKING CARE OF PATIENTS AT THE AMAR BARI.
THE TOUGHEST BARRIER FOR WIDOWS TO CROSS IS THIER OWN CULTURE AND WHAT THEIR SOCIETY SAYS THEY MUST DO. IN INDIA WOMEN AND WIDOWS DO HAVE CERTAIN RIGHTS. THEY HAVE CUSTOMARY AND STATUTORY LAWS THAT PROTECT THEM. THE WOMEN OF INDIA DO NOT FEEL A SENSE OF EMPOWERMENT. THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY CAN FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS.
PLACES LIKE AMAR BARI ARE TRYING TO CHANGE THE MIND SET OF THESE WOMEN. OTHER ORGANIZATIONS ARE HELPING TOO. GUILD SERVICES AND THE NATIONAL COMMISSION FOR WOMEN ARE HELPING TOO. I AM THERE ARE OTHERS TO.
WE NEED TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THIS ISSUE. WE NEED TO GET OTHER WOMEN'S RIGHT'S GROUPS INVOLVED. WE MUST ALSO ASK OUR PRESIDENTAL CANDIDATES ABOUT THEIR POSITION ON THIS ISSUE.
PLEASE RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THIS ISSUE. THESE WOMEN DESERVE RESPECT AND DIGNITY.
SARAH
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Women of India Shunned for No Reason Other than Tradition--Sarah K (must read)
IN INDIA THERE IS A SAD STORY THAT MUST BE TOLD. WOMEN ARE BEING SHUNNED BY SOCIETY. WHY? BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION IN INDIA. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN. IT IS A TRADITION IN INDIA.
THE WOMEN THAT ARE BEING SHUNNED ARE WIDOWS. THEY ARE CONSIDER TO BE THE POOREST INDIVIDUALS OF THE COUNTRY. IN INDIA HINDU WIDOWS CAN NOT REMARRY. THEREFORE, WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIES THEY ARE SHUNNED FROM SOCIETY.
THEY ARE ALSO SHUNNED FROM SOCIETY BECAUSE THEIR SOCITY KNOWS THAT WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS DIE THAT THEY WILL BE A FINANCIAL BURDEN ON THEIR FAMILIES. SO INSTEAD, OF THE FAMILIES TAKING CARE OF THEIR MOTHER OR SISTER THAT JUST TELL THEM TO GO AWAY. THEY HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH. IT IS LIKE THE FINANCIAL BURDEN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
THE HINDU WIDOWS CAN NOT REMARRY. THEY CAN NOT WEAR JEWERY. THEY ARE FORCED TO SHAVE THEIR HEADS. MOST ARE FORCED TO WEAR WHITE ONLY. MOST WALK HUNCHED OVER WITH WALKING CANES. YOU CAN SEE THE PAIN IN THEIR FACES. IT JUST BREAKS YOUR HEART WATCHING IT UNFOLD. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT INDIA HAS 40 MILLION WIDOW'S. I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE THAT MANY PEOPLE IN THIS CONDITION. IT MUST BE STOPPED.
MOST OF THE WIDOW'S GO TO A CITY CALLED VRINDAVAN. THE WIDOW BELIEVE THAT THE CITY WILL FREE THEM FROM THIS TYPE OF LIFE IN THE AFTERLIFE.
WE CAN NOT ALLOW 40 MILLION WOMEN TO SUFFER LIKE THIS. WE NEED TO REACH OUT TO THESE WOMEN. INDIA MUST BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE WOMEN. WE CAN NOT ALLOW THIS TO BE THE MIND SET OF THE GOVERNMENT TOWARDS WIDOW'S IN INDIA. IT IS AN OUTRAGE. IT HURTS TO HEAR IT. IT HURTS TO WATCH IT. IT HURTS TO IMAGINE THESE WOMEN WITH NOTHING. WE MUST STOP THE PAIN. PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Anti-choice supporters trying to use guilt tactics to gain support: sarah
Today, I received a very graphic bulletin by someone who was anti-choice. The bulletin was full of graphic photos of aborted babies. I do not appreciate these tactic's by the anti-choice movement. It is really sad that they have to resort to this type of propaganda. They will not win people over this movement. It will only outrage people more. People will turn against them. People do not want to see to type of material.
Getting this bulletin angered me so much. These people do not know the situations that these women faced before choosing to have an abortion. How dare this person pass judgment on some else. In the bulletin it said if you don't pass this on you don't have a heart. That is absolutely wrong. I have one hell of a heart. I care about others but, I don't believe abortion is wrong. Everyone gets to make that decision by herself. Everyone has different circumstances. My body, My Choice.
I am bothered by the fact that in this bulletin it said if you can't take care of a baby don't have sex. Not everyone chooses to have sex. Thousands of women are raped each year. They didn't get a choice so don't stand there and tell me that those women should not have had sex. They were raped against their will. You don't know the HELL they went through. NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THESE WOMEN CAN'T HAVE AN ABORTION.
sarah
Getting this bulletin angered me so much. These people do not know the situations that these women faced before choosing to have an abortion. How dare this person pass judgment on some else. In the bulletin it said if you don't pass this on you don't have a heart. That is absolutely wrong. I have one hell of a heart. I care about others but, I don't believe abortion is wrong. Everyone gets to make that decision by herself. Everyone has different circumstances. My body, My Choice.
I am bothered by the fact that in this bulletin it said if you can't take care of a baby don't have sex. Not everyone chooses to have sex. Thousands of women are raped each year. They didn't get a choice so don't stand there and tell me that those women should not have had sex. They were raped against their will. You don't know the HELL they went through. NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THESE WOMEN CAN'T HAVE AN ABORTION.
sarah
Friday, June 29, 2007
picture perfect? no! should I want to be? Never!
"Ugly! Hideous! Tub of lard!" I spouted off as my husband and I poured over our wedding photos. I had just arrived home from a tasty dinner with Mo, and just then, my delicious mix of sticky macaroni and assorted baked goods turned into a lethal reminder of why my beautiful wedding gown was spotted with bulges.
If my eyes didn't scan each picture for fat pouches, my gaze was set upon the acne scars, which not only stain my face, but my self-confidence as well. Why was my reaction so negative? My husband gasped and filled the night air with complimentary superlatives: "you were the prettiest," and "it was the happiest moment of my life," he said, trying to cajole me into seeing the photos as a visual rendering of our love. But while he was genuinely pleased, and sincere in his sentiments, my eyes -- those damn, critical enemies to my sense of beauty -- fought his logic with infantile despair.
I HATE that my initial reaction was, more or less, an adult tantrum; I HATE that my grievances were centered on extrinsic self-loathing; I HATE that instead of joining my husband in the light of true beauty and awareness, I opted for the dark caverns of insecurity; and most of all, I HATE that this pattern of, well, hating my looks creeps up on me during the most inconvenient of times. When I divulge feelings such as "my acne scars are why I’m so ugly," or "I'm such a chunky monkey," I debase my core-values, and hold the same self-deprecating opinions that I chastise other women for having. Thus, I morph (argh!) into what I dislike the most -- a hypocrite! (double argh!!)
These emotions catapult me back to Simone and David’s Twilight zone party that I attended last Saturday. During the marathon I saw the thought provoking episode, “number 12 looks just like you,” involving a culture’s compliance towards standardized beauty.
In response to the same episode, Simone writes in her blog:
i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be…a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. Simone’s response to the storyline, “while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman,” encapsulates the plight that most women I know endure. Everyday we are fed information that is tainted with the objectification of the female form; whether it’s through music, movies, commercials, ads, etc., women are subjected to, as Simone puts it, “the tyranny of mass conformity to mainstream american/western standards of beauty."
Recently, for me, such idealized images of beauty came via bridal mags. Thus, my internal dialogue reads something like, “how can my wedding photos not be seen through a distorted lens of self-doubt, and how am I not expected to compare myself to the images of the beautiful women I witnessed in bridal magazines?” Truth be told, I am reasonably pleased with my looks, but truth also be told, I can be reasonably critical of myself too. I need a mantra that stabilizes my sense of self, and I need to rise above mass media’s harmful, latent effects. What that mantra is, however, I must ultimately decide; I think it’s different for everyone.
So, in the end, my hub went to bed content while I remained awake, and hated myself for hating myself. The next night, I suddenly snapped out of my delirium and, with a cup of chai tea in one hand and the hope of a self-revelation balancing in the other, I popped in the DVD for a 2nd showing. With a fresh outlook, I saw past my insecurities and felt nothing more than the deep love, which emanated among close family and friends. Smudged eyeliner or a goofy smile was second rate to the rich quality of a couple who chose to spend an eternity together. Again, in the end, I opt not to photo-shop or doctor my pictures because the importance of these photos was to give a tangible testimony to the intangible, authentic feelings of a cherished love -- NOT to document me as some reigning beauty queen. If media was more realistic, and I wasn’t so pessimistic, then maybe I would have realized that point much sooner.
Anyway, why worry over hyped up "dilemmas" when I should be concentrating on my new copy of M. Goodman's, The Anti 9-to-five Guide. Escaping the cubicle is where my mind should be!
If my eyes didn't scan each picture for fat pouches, my gaze was set upon the acne scars, which not only stain my face, but my self-confidence as well. Why was my reaction so negative? My husband gasped and filled the night air with complimentary superlatives: "you were the prettiest," and "it was the happiest moment of my life," he said, trying to cajole me into seeing the photos as a visual rendering of our love. But while he was genuinely pleased, and sincere in his sentiments, my eyes -- those damn, critical enemies to my sense of beauty -- fought his logic with infantile despair.
I HATE that my initial reaction was, more or less, an adult tantrum; I HATE that my grievances were centered on extrinsic self-loathing; I HATE that instead of joining my husband in the light of true beauty and awareness, I opted for the dark caverns of insecurity; and most of all, I HATE that this pattern of, well, hating my looks creeps up on me during the most inconvenient of times. When I divulge feelings such as "my acne scars are why I’m so ugly," or "I'm such a chunky monkey," I debase my core-values, and hold the same self-deprecating opinions that I chastise other women for having. Thus, I morph (argh!) into what I dislike the most -- a hypocrite! (double argh!!)
These emotions catapult me back to Simone and David’s Twilight zone party that I attended last Saturday. During the marathon I saw the thought provoking episode, “number 12 looks just like you,” involving a culture’s compliance towards standardized beauty.
In response to the same episode, Simone writes in her blog:
i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be…a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. Simone’s response to the storyline, “while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman,” encapsulates the plight that most women I know endure. Everyday we are fed information that is tainted with the objectification of the female form; whether it’s through music, movies, commercials, ads, etc., women are subjected to, as Simone puts it, “the tyranny of mass conformity to mainstream american/western standards of beauty."
Recently, for me, such idealized images of beauty came via bridal mags. Thus, my internal dialogue reads something like, “how can my wedding photos not be seen through a distorted lens of self-doubt, and how am I not expected to compare myself to the images of the beautiful women I witnessed in bridal magazines?” Truth be told, I am reasonably pleased with my looks, but truth also be told, I can be reasonably critical of myself too. I need a mantra that stabilizes my sense of self, and I need to rise above mass media’s harmful, latent effects. What that mantra is, however, I must ultimately decide; I think it’s different for everyone.
So, in the end, my hub went to bed content while I remained awake, and hated myself for hating myself. The next night, I suddenly snapped out of my delirium and, with a cup of chai tea in one hand and the hope of a self-revelation balancing in the other, I popped in the DVD for a 2nd showing. With a fresh outlook, I saw past my insecurities and felt nothing more than the deep love, which emanated among close family and friends. Smudged eyeliner or a goofy smile was second rate to the rich quality of a couple who chose to spend an eternity together. Again, in the end, I opt not to photo-shop or doctor my pictures because the importance of these photos was to give a tangible testimony to the intangible, authentic feelings of a cherished love -- NOT to document me as some reigning beauty queen. If media was more realistic, and I wasn’t so pessimistic, then maybe I would have realized that point much sooner.
Anyway, why worry over hyped up "dilemmas" when I should be concentrating on my new copy of M. Goodman's, The Anti 9-to-five Guide. Escaping the cubicle is where my mind should be!
two quick tidbits
hi everyone. just wanted to share two things:
1) here's a recent interview with janeane garofalo. i've loved her since i was a preteen - am i the only one who appreciates her? it's a pity that the powers-that-be in hollywood only allow her to play romantic leads in animated films...how effing ridiculous!
2) if you are sick of hearing about the plight of a certain famous heiress, please check out this feisty clip. mika shows some moxie, but it's too bad her male counterparts (incl. joe scarborough the mofo) are such condescending lameasses.
special thanks to my homegirl mary for passing this along!!
1) here's a recent interview with janeane garofalo. i've loved her since i was a preteen - am i the only one who appreciates her? it's a pity that the powers-that-be in hollywood only allow her to play romantic leads in animated films...how effing ridiculous!
2) if you are sick of hearing about the plight of a certain famous heiress, please check out this feisty clip. mika shows some moxie, but it's too bad her male counterparts (incl. joe scarborough the mofo) are such condescending lameasses.
special thanks to my homegirl mary for passing this along!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
a letter to h&m
dear h&m,
god dag. i'm writing this to inform you that it's over. i can no longer shop at your stores, at least until the sixties-thing stops being so swingin'.
it's the babydoll dress. i find myself buying and wearing these frocks of infantilized femininity with alarming frequency. and it's not because i want to be en vogue, or bring back riot grrl even. i simply cannot resist peter pan collars, trapeze shapes, short hems that are on your hangers (and then mine.)
this would not be such a big problem were i not trying to be a big girl now. i'm 27 years-old and embarking on my first career. did mia farrow look like a career gal in rosemary's baby to you?
maybe there are ladies of such stature that they can wear this stuff to work like a powersuit. but they are models and/or live in new york. i'm only 5'2" and the way most of your clothes fit makes me feel even more like a little girl playing dress up, and there are no play dates or tea parties on my things to do list.
i'll be back in the fall for some pants and vests if you decide to do the annie hall thing.
yours truly,
noelle
god dag. i'm writing this to inform you that it's over. i can no longer shop at your stores, at least until the sixties-thing stops being so swingin'.
it's the babydoll dress. i find myself buying and wearing these frocks of infantilized femininity with alarming frequency. and it's not because i want to be en vogue, or bring back riot grrl even. i simply cannot resist peter pan collars, trapeze shapes, short hems that are on your hangers (and then mine.)
this would not be such a big problem were i not trying to be a big girl now. i'm 27 years-old and embarking on my first career. did mia farrow look like a career gal in rosemary's baby to you?
maybe there are ladies of such stature that they can wear this stuff to work like a powersuit. but they are models and/or live in new york. i'm only 5'2" and the way most of your clothes fit makes me feel even more like a little girl playing dress up, and there are no play dates or tea parties on my things to do list.
i'll be back in the fall for some pants and vests if you decide to do the annie hall thing.
yours truly,
noelle
Friday, June 08, 2007
cheer up, charlie!
Sometimes, which seems like all of the time, this world seizes my ability to think non-cynical thoughts. My focus can become so centered on what's lacking in dollyland that I fail to muse over the amazing subtleties of life, which surround me. Why do I resort to this line of logic? Why do I obsess over fickle desires or emotions and not enjoy what the ever-present "now" has to offer?
Well, in an attempt to defeat the self-defeating, I give you...
"My list of small, everyday occurrences that reinforce my love for the everyday!" phwew!
1. Nice drivers
2. Yummy salads
3. People who ask, "how's yr day going?" and are genuinely concerned/interested
4. Watching birds take dirt baths
5. A good cup of java
6. Prayer
7. Hugs
8. Sweet words and kisses from my husband
9. Learning new words
10. Friendly strangers
11. Watching mothers and their newborns
12. Meeting self-confident women
13. Feeling appreciated
14. Thinking of a song and then hearing it on the radio shortly after
15. A good laugh
16. People who are socially (on big and small scales) aware
17. a great conversation
18 .... ???
Well, I'm sure my list could go on and on, but I feel that you and I get the point: there's much in life, which engenders happiness. And, this "much" I'm referring to isn't hard to locate on your personal map...and while I know this post is sappy to the 10th power, it was cathartic for me ;)
if you've anything to add to this list, feel free to do so!
Well, in an attempt to defeat the self-defeating, I give you...
"My list of small, everyday occurrences that reinforce my love for the everyday!" phwew!
1. Nice drivers
2. Yummy salads
3. People who ask, "how's yr day going?" and are genuinely concerned/interested
4. Watching birds take dirt baths
5. A good cup of java
6. Prayer
7. Hugs
8. Sweet words and kisses from my husband
9. Learning new words
10. Friendly strangers
11. Watching mothers and their newborns
12. Meeting self-confident women
13. Feeling appreciated
14. Thinking of a song and then hearing it on the radio shortly after
15. A good laugh
16. People who are socially (on big and small scales) aware
17. a great conversation
18 .... ???
Well, I'm sure my list could go on and on, but I feel that you and I get the point: there's much in life, which engenders happiness. And, this "much" I'm referring to isn't hard to locate on your personal map...and while I know this post is sappy to the 10th power, it was cathartic for me ;)
if you've anything to add to this list, feel free to do so!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
heh.
this morning while walking from the transpo depot to work, i read a sticker on a nearby suv that said, "DON'T TRASH CALIFORNIA."
it was clear from the design that it was referring to waste/pollution, not trash talk from out-of-staters.
i wanted to knock on his window, and say, "dude, do you not realize you're polluting california with your car use right now?" jeez!
it was clear from the design that it was referring to waste/pollution, not trash talk from out-of-staters.
i wanted to knock on his window, and say, "dude, do you not realize you're polluting california with your car use right now?" jeez!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
number 12 looks just like you
i've been extremely disturbed by the tyranny of mass conformity to mainstream american/western standards of beauty lately.
this seems like a trite subject for an entry on a feminist-related blog, and that's exactly what i want to avoid, so let me explain...
recently, i've discovered two instances of women who i've known (in different capacities) that have made the decision to get breast implants. while these two women weren't close friends of mine, i was still stunned and devastated by this news. while the third wave girl in me wants to say, "they have the right to do whatever they want to do with their bodies!" there's a much louder inner voice, perhaps the second wave feminist in me, that screams, "why would they mutilate their bodies in this way? why put themselves at risk for future health problems for such a superficial reason? and to what end? to gain the approval of men?!"
each of these women, while not my best friends, were women who i believed were somehow "stronger" than this. one was a high school classmate, whom i always admired for her outspokenness, political awareness (at an early age), intelligence, sense of self, and creative writing abilities. the other was a spunky, independent, and extroverted co-worker who was a talented performer. as a plus-sized (real-sized!) woman who wasn't afraid to strip down and show what a pear-shaped woman w/curves looked like, i felt that she was proudly making a statement against size-ism. i thought that in her own way, she was proclaiming that she should be admired just the way she was, and beneath the glamorous burlesque posturing, i found something admirable in that. was i wrong? were these women not the ballsy and defiant individuals i believed them to be?...or is the decision to have plastic surgery more complicated than that?
i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be. (the title of the episode is the title of this post.) in it, a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. as a result, everyone literally looks and thinks alike. with the transformation acting as a great equalizer, each person is equally externally "beautiful" and internally vapid.
while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman. i know that some men (and women) believe a woman is weak or stupid if she succumbs to the powers of mass media's unrelenting assault (read: having occasional self-doubts, sometimes feeling insecure about appearance, or taking it a step further and actually having plastic surgery done). i now recognize that this is just another shitty double standard. it's yet another example of how women are judged more harshly than men, and as evidenced above by my assumption that women who get breast implants are somehow "weaker" than those who don't, i myself am guilty of this same line of thinking! i somehow felt disappointed or let down by their decision because they don't have the same ideas about plastic surgery that i do. (in all honesty, a little part of me even felt superior for not having had plastic surgery!) while i have a right to my opinions, who am i to judge?
...the pot calling the kettle black?
i do consider myself to have a healthy body image, but i'll admit that occasionally i even wonder and/or fantasize about what it would be like to have a different body type (bigger breasts, tighter butt, pretty feet, thinner thighs, skinny, etc...the possibilities are endless). i think this curiosity is natural to a certain extent, kind of like wondering what it would be like to be a boy, astronaut, sea otter, or jamaican. while sometimes frustrating, it's just another step in exploring my identity-- finding out who i am by honestly recognizing and acknowledging what i'm not. in the end, i try to be satisfied with the knowledge that i'm the only person on earth with this exact combination of my particular physical and intellectual features, and that this unique blend of charming imperfections makes me wholly lovable (as corny as that sounds). i'm still a work-in-progress, and this inner dialogue meets with varied results...
this seems like a trite subject for an entry on a feminist-related blog, and that's exactly what i want to avoid, so let me explain...
recently, i've discovered two instances of women who i've known (in different capacities) that have made the decision to get breast implants. while these two women weren't close friends of mine, i was still stunned and devastated by this news. while the third wave girl in me wants to say, "they have the right to do whatever they want to do with their bodies!" there's a much louder inner voice, perhaps the second wave feminist in me, that screams, "why would they mutilate their bodies in this way? why put themselves at risk for future health problems for such a superficial reason? and to what end? to gain the approval of men?!"
each of these women, while not my best friends, were women who i believed were somehow "stronger" than this. one was a high school classmate, whom i always admired for her outspokenness, political awareness (at an early age), intelligence, sense of self, and creative writing abilities. the other was a spunky, independent, and extroverted co-worker who was a talented performer. as a plus-sized (real-sized!) woman who wasn't afraid to strip down and show what a pear-shaped woman w/curves looked like, i felt that she was proudly making a statement against size-ism. i thought that in her own way, she was proclaiming that she should be admired just the way she was, and beneath the glamorous burlesque posturing, i found something admirable in that. was i wrong? were these women not the ballsy and defiant individuals i believed them to be?...or is the decision to have plastic surgery more complicated than that?
i just watched an amazing episode of the twilight zone, written by charles beaumont, that illustrates precisely how oppressive and damaging our society's looks-centric values can be. (the title of the episode is the title of this post.) in it, a young woman unsuccessfully attempts to resist a culture in which the unavoidable rite-of-passage is "the transformation"-- a process by which each person loses their individual looks and personality in favor of a physical and psychological makeover sanctioned by the government. as a result, everyone literally looks and thinks alike. with the transformation acting as a great equalizer, each person is equally externally "beautiful" and internally vapid.
while our day-to-day interactions with the pervasive concepts of mainstream beauty might not be as dramatic or intense as this storyline, they can be just as brutal and devastating to the core of a woman. i know that some men (and women) believe a woman is weak or stupid if she succumbs to the powers of mass media's unrelenting assault (read: having occasional self-doubts, sometimes feeling insecure about appearance, or taking it a step further and actually having plastic surgery done). i now recognize that this is just another shitty double standard. it's yet another example of how women are judged more harshly than men, and as evidenced above by my assumption that women who get breast implants are somehow "weaker" than those who don't, i myself am guilty of this same line of thinking! i somehow felt disappointed or let down by their decision because they don't have the same ideas about plastic surgery that i do. (in all honesty, a little part of me even felt superior for not having had plastic surgery!) while i have a right to my opinions, who am i to judge?
...the pot calling the kettle black?
i do consider myself to have a healthy body image, but i'll admit that occasionally i even wonder and/or fantasize about what it would be like to have a different body type (bigger breasts, tighter butt, pretty feet, thinner thighs, skinny, etc...the possibilities are endless). i think this curiosity is natural to a certain extent, kind of like wondering what it would be like to be a boy, astronaut, sea otter, or jamaican. while sometimes frustrating, it's just another step in exploring my identity-- finding out who i am by honestly recognizing and acknowledging what i'm not. in the end, i try to be satisfied with the knowledge that i'm the only person on earth with this exact combination of my particular physical and intellectual features, and that this unique blend of charming imperfections makes me wholly lovable (as corny as that sounds). i'm still a work-in-progress, and this inner dialogue meets with varied results...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Misogynist Propaganda?
Note: The title of this blog comes from the title of an article I read as a pre-teen in Sassy magazine about PMS. The phrase has been burned into my memory and still plays a role in how I think about things. I also thought of titling this entry "Don't f-- with my body, Don't f-- with my brain."
I wanted to rant a little about 2 things related to the Science & Sociology surrounding women's body systems and add my wtf?!
Science and the media tell me my eggs are rotting.
Well, not exactly. These little voices are telling me that if I wait too long to have children, there is a small chance I will not be able to conceive naturally. Nevermind these 60+ year old women who are having children through IVF (I have a different issue with them), there are stories upon stories about how having children over 35 is risky: miscarriage, premature babies, endometriosis, Down syndrome. I keep telling myself, Dammit, Madonna was able to do it naturally (I think)--So can I, if I wanted. The good news is that the majority of healthy (e.g. non-smoker, getting your vitamns and exercise) women over 35 have successful pregnancies. So how much of this stuff is put out there to tell women to have children before age 30? It might just be me because it seems like everyone and their mother is telling me to get married and have children already. (See my comment from Julia's previous post.) BTW, there is also an increased chance of having twins if having children in your late 30's.
"The FDA has approved Lybrel, the first low-dose contraceptive pill that gives women an option to stop their menstrual cycle for an indefinite period of time."
As annoying as menstruation can be, this feels wrong. Like there should be suspense-building music in this part of the horror movie, wrong. The birth control part I'm ok with... the science of the pill has been around for over 40 years. And birth control has been around for a lot longer. Don't think I didn't notice that there was only one woman from the drug company quoted in the article: Ginger Constantine, Wyeth's vice president of Women's Health Care and Bone Repair. WTF? VP of what and what? Did they run out of money and thus had to combine two categories? Anyway, this just seems like another product for women, invented by men. I guess they do work. I mean, I use tampons and they have made my life easier. Soooo.. if you're down with the ability to control and regulate your own period, it should be available for prescription July 2007. I'm not signing up for this one just yet.
One more thing, have a healthy cervix day! That reminds me: I have to schedule my check up.
I wanted to rant a little about 2 things related to the Science & Sociology surrounding women's body systems and add my wtf?!
Science and the media tell me my eggs are rotting.
Well, not exactly. These little voices are telling me that if I wait too long to have children, there is a small chance I will not be able to conceive naturally. Nevermind these 60+ year old women who are having children through IVF (I have a different issue with them), there are stories upon stories about how having children over 35 is risky: miscarriage, premature babies, endometriosis, Down syndrome. I keep telling myself, Dammit, Madonna was able to do it naturally (I think)--So can I, if I wanted. The good news is that the majority of healthy (e.g. non-smoker, getting your vitamns and exercise) women over 35 have successful pregnancies. So how much of this stuff is put out there to tell women to have children before age 30? It might just be me because it seems like everyone and their mother is telling me to get married and have children already. (See my comment from Julia's previous post.) BTW, there is also an increased chance of having twins if having children in your late 30's.
"The FDA has approved Lybrel, the first low-dose contraceptive pill that gives women an option to stop their menstrual cycle for an indefinite period of time."
As annoying as menstruation can be, this feels wrong. Like there should be suspense-building music in this part of the horror movie, wrong. The birth control part I'm ok with... the science of the pill has been around for over 40 years. And birth control has been around for a lot longer. Don't think I didn't notice that there was only one woman from the drug company quoted in the article: Ginger Constantine, Wyeth's vice president of Women's Health Care and Bone Repair. WTF? VP of what and what? Did they run out of money and thus had to combine two categories? Anyway, this just seems like another product for women, invented by men. I guess they do work. I mean, I use tampons and they have made my life easier. Soooo.. if you're down with the ability to control and regulate your own period, it should be available for prescription July 2007. I'm not signing up for this one just yet.
One more thing, have a healthy cervix day! That reminds me: I have to schedule my check up.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
... Horse and Carriage?
Note: Julia has written this muddled, convoluted post with no real point in response to the recent concise and meaningful posts about marriage by Taberlykim and Simone. She thinks that by prefacing said post with a note she can get away with having no real point. Read at your own risk.
Like most women my age (with 30 just beginning to loom), I think about marriage - not because I am planning to get married (I favor elopement, anyway) but I think about it lately because I live in Japan where the concept of marriage is rather different from the concept we have in America. Though the Japanese usually choose their own marriage partners, the woman still often quits her job upon getting married, even if she doesn't plan to have children for a few years. Follows next; housekeeping and bento box making. Some of my male students, when I ask them what their wives do, will loftily reply, "Oh, she's just a housewife." In Japan, the glamour career of choice for young women is that of the airline stewardess. A friend explained to me that airline stewardessing seems so appealing because a) it offers a chance to travel and b) it offers a chance to meet husbands. I sometimes ask my male students what they think of working mothers - each one I've asked (regardless of age) has put on a sour face and said it was a bad idea - after all, who would take care of the child? Yes, God forbid a grown man should clean a diaper or fix a lunch. In contrast, a few women I've asked about working mothers said they think they're cool, but when asked to explain why their reasons had to do with money rather than female equality.
This system works for them and I have no right to criticize what other cultures do; I'm here to teach the Japanese English, not female emancipation. I'm fully aware that the American system is similarly preposterous to them and probably a few of my students would like to give me a stern 101 on being a respectable woman. When I think about it, the mainstream Japanese system of marriage probably unsettles me mostly because it reminds me of what love-based marriages evolved from; a contract between families, legalized to protect the interests of the male. Over much time, marriage in our society (and many other societies) became, instead, a legalization of a romantic bond - the bride became a lover, a soulmate, a best friend, a potential mother. This is a beautiful idea. The romantic ideal of love in a marriage came before female emancipation - in the West (and more recently in parts of Asia) men and women began to revolt against being given to people. They wanted to live their lives with someone they actually were suited to live with. This idea went down like gangbusters, but it took a lot longer in North America for women to be seen as equal to the man in a marriage. Depending on one's view, the North American system can be seen as encompassing the best of all worlds - love, family and equality. Yet, in North American marriage, women still take their husband's names (a custom begun because the property - or the bride - was changing hands from her father's family to her new husband's). They also very often wear white, even though the fact is widely known that white dresses were worn as symbol of purity to show the new husband the quality of the good he was getting. When I think about those things, it makes me feel that I don't want to get married, i.e., perpetuate those customs, even if the current feeling towards marriage is that it's a beautiful, romantic thing. As Taberlykim mentioned, it is often viewed the pinnacle of a romantic relationship. I know a lot of people who feel that it's not worth dating someone if you can't see yourself marrying them - they feel it's not worth the bother. I come from the "life experience" school - I see the idiots who paid for dinner with a gift certificate and showed up hungover as helpful; they reminded me of what I didn't want and what I wouldn't stand for in a mate. Yes, I said "mate" - though I bristle at the reasons behind customs in today's American marriages I, too, wouldn't mind finding somebody I can grow old with and, perhaps, love enough to want to start a family with. But does that bond really need to be made legal?
Advantages to getting married in today's society:
-the legalization process protects your assets (nothing more romantic than protecting one's assets!)
-relatives and friends shut the hell up***
-said marriage provides an excuse to throw an awesome party and wear a pretty dress
-the gnawing, secret nerves that your mate didn't respect you enough to make you "honest" are quelled
-any resulting children will have a stable environment to grow up in. Assuming, of course, that the marriage lasts.
***a potential deal maker right there
Simone is right - young feminists in the year 2007 still face enormous amounts of outside and internal pressure regarding marriage. Marriage is still viewed as a natural part of life - and let's face it, regardless of their origin, the accompanying customs can be extremely appealing (for the record, I like wedding favors I can eat). I sometimes think the women who began the Feminist movement were more liberated than my generation is - I know of couples in their 50s who have been together (but unmarried) for over 20 years but almost all of my married friends took their husbands' names and were champing at the bit to tie that knot.
Or buy that dress. Whichever.
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