OOooo, my first blog! It's not deep, I muse to amuse.

I don’t know if I should call this “Why I Hate the Telephone” or “Why I Love Slash Hate Craigslist”. Either way, right there, two important things to know about me. I avoid talking on the phone, especially initiating the call, at all costs. Email and text messaging are my best friends, or at least how I talk to them. I found my apartment and most of its contents on Craigslist. So a few months ago I bought this stackable washer/dryer situation from Craigslist. Long, annoying story short, I couldn’t use it in my apartment and couldn’t return it from whence it came. So I relisted it for the same price I paid, explained the situation, and waited for the buyers to come rolling in. Roll they did not, but there was some e-trickle, and after all, I only needed one buyer. I emailed back and forth with this one guy for the better part of a Saturday, answering questions and stuff, and eventually he just disappeared. Flakearoonied. So I just started giving out my phone number when people emailed. I needed to get this over with; my landlord was bugging me about the washer being in the back yard, and even I was a little concerned that I was one slippery slope away from having late 70s American cars sans wheels propped up on cinder blocks and/or under tarps out back. So anyway, later that week I was tooling around with my friend Malika who was in town for a visit (in a fully functional, mid-00s Japanese car, FYI), and my celly blows up, and it’s a number I don’t know. “Sweet, Imma sell my washer!” I think, and probably say out loud. Aloud. And here’s how our conversation went, (for the duration of this blog, a set of ellipses represents an awkward pause of anywhere from 3 to 15 seconds. And “Sarah” should be read in a surfer/stoner drawl.):

Me: Hello?
Sarah: …Uh, hi. It’s Sarah
M: Oh, hi, how are you?
S: Um, good…
M: You’re calling about the washer, right?
S: Yeah.
M: …OK, well, so you know it’s electric, right? It’s got a big appliance plug.
S: Yeah. Oh. Wait. So it’s like, a bigger plug?
M: Yeah, I know it’s hard to tell from the picture, but it’s like 2 or 3 times the size of a normal plug. I couldn’t use the washer after I bought it because my landlord wouldn’t let us change the outlet. (Note: I had described in detail and posted a picture of said plug.)
S: Ooohhh, ok, yeah, I don’t have that kind of outlet.
M: Ah, ok, well, I guess that answers that, then.
S: …Yeah.
M: ….Soooo, I mean, unless you think your landlord would let you change your outlet, I guess it won’t work for you.
S: Nah, he’s kind of a slumlord, I don’t think he’d be down.
M: OK, well, I guess it won’t work out then. I’m sorry, that sucks!
S: Yeah.
M: …But, um, thanks for responding to the ad!
S: Sure, yeah…
M: …Ok, then, bye.

So I hung up, and Malika said “You were so sweet. It sounded like you tried to end the conversation like 15 times” and I filled her in on the half that she couldn’t hear. I really don’t know what was going on. The girl was very nice the whole time, she just sounded like a flakey, stoner kind of girl. My first thought was that she was, like, trying to get it cheaper or something because it wasn’t what she needed, but in the ad I made it pretty clear that I was desperate to get rid of this thing and would take just about any offer. Steffen’s theory was that I had inadvertently used some secret Craigslist drug code or something. “Oh, shit, man, did you see the post for an ELECTRIC stackable washer/dryer! ELECTRIC?! That shit is sooooo hard to come by, man!” I probably ruined the evening for Sarah and all her friends. They were going to have a big “stack” party because Sarah was going to score some for real cheap off Craigslist. Really, though, if you’re not familiar with the phenomenon that is Craigslist, go take a look, especially in the “wanted” section. People are willing to trade “purple footballs made by Pfizer” for “420”. It’s subtle. What on earth could they be talking about? They should make an urban dictionary, but for Craigslist. “I’ll swing by tonight” is code for “Hang around your apartment all evening and don’t make any plans, and be prepared to get annoyed, ‘cause I ain’t coming over.”

You know, I think I have an old Nerf lying around; it looks like I could get a couple bucks for it. How’s this for a catchy headline: “Purple Football. $4.20 obo. Ask for TINA*”. And when they respond, I can see if they also want some Stack.

*That’s “Tits and Ass” in CL-speak.

-Melissa