...would it still smell the same? I am in the midst of a rather common (and unavoidable) wedding quandary: should I assume his surname? Even though my guy assures me that MY answer hinges upon MY happiness, there are those intangible sentiments, which he emits, that escort me to the idea that taking his name would color his world three shades of happy.
What to do? I know it’s a tradition; and traditionally speaking, his desire for me to take his name is probably valid. But, I think that people get so attached to social mores that they don’t always understand what they’re attaching themselves to. I would not only be changing my name, but the air of my independence as well.
Yes, it could be argued that while I'd like to maintain autonomy, my current last name is in fact my father's and thus, symbolizes the patriarchal bloodline of my family. But, despite that objection, Resendez carries my ethnicity, the financial history I created for myself, and my identity for the past 27 yrs. I still don’t know what I’m going to do…any suggestions? Please, feel free to comment!
**And, don’t even get me started on the whole walking down the aisle business. Coverture is over-ture, baby! Last time I checked, no one (except maybe the U.S. Gov., guffaw-guffaw!) owns me! So, if I do decide to saunter down the aisle, mom will most certainly be there too! :)
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4 comments:
Dolly, do whatever is in your heart. If you want to keep your name, I say do it. (That's what it sounds like, to me anyway.)
For myself, I always regretted giving into my mother in law and taking my husband's last name. Now I hyphenate it. Not the same, but oh well.
Although I am still far, far away from marriage, I have given this much thought. My current surname comes from my father, who, besides impregnating my mother, has been, if anything, a negative influence in my life. I intend to take my mother's last name (she never took his - it's not in our culture to) once I figure out which grad school I'm going to. Then I intend to keep my mother's name (and, I suppose, her father's name) for the rest of my life. I think what I'm trying to say is: take the name you identify with, that you'll be happy with.
Yeah, Dolly, in agreement with you on this one. What to do? Even when I was a little girl, I knew I didn't want to change my name "when I grew up and got married" because I had a name. But then at some point I realized that I had my father's name, not my own. All women have men's names. I still don't plan on changing my last name if I get married and my children will definitely have both. Good luck!
Declare your love AND your independence by combining both your names into one awesome new name. I've always thought that I'd legally hyphenate but go by my last name. Because I think there is something nice about sharing a name, but at the same time, eff that, I'm not giving up my name! Two people I know just had a baby and agreed beforehand that if it was a boy, he would get her last name, girl, his, and all future children would have the same name. (It was a boy.) There are as many solutions as you can invent.
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