... I'm jealous.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Decade - a Post Named After My Favorite Duran Duran Album Which I Was Listening to Compulsively 10 Years Ago
10 years ago today, February 6th, 1998, I was waiting frantically by the computer, hoping AbwehrKanone66 would come online. It was his birthday - I wanted to wish him a happy one and see if he'd gotten the birthday card and stuffed manatee I'd sent him. AbwehrKanone66 was, for all intensive purposes, my first love - really an infatuation but at 18 and in the throes of infatuation's passionate grip for the first time ever, I didn't know the difference. We were meant to be.
AbwehrKanone66 appeared. He had gotten my gift and was thrilled. I never thought I could be so happy - I was basking in the glow of what I felt was a mutual, loving attraction. When things went terribly wrong shortly thereafter, I was gutted, devastated, took to wearing black from head to toe and lost 25 pounds in a matter of weeks. I started college weighed down by a pall of heartbroken misery and constantly thought back to the few short months when things had seemed beautiful. I thought, too, about the stupid manatee - a complete waste of caring sentiment on such a lying, cheating manchild.
With time, things improved, as they always do. I slowly began to date - first, a college sweetheart and, after our breakup, strings of pompous, drunken New York City nimrods. I suffered through another lethal unrequited infatuation at the age of 23 and once rid of that, like a mangy dog shaking off its aggressive fleas, I tried my hand at dating again only to be annoyed by more New York City idiots. At 26, I swore off romance for good. I was, after all, heterosexual poison. My history had shown me no other possibility.
One and a half years after that declaration, and 10 years to the day after I waited, pining by the computer, for the ultimately poisonous and deceitful AbwehrKanone66 to flash onto my screen, my boyfriend and I gave a real estate agent our "okay" for an apartment we would like to move into. It is more than twice the size of the ones we live in now, half the price, and in a location mere steps away from the train station. Best of all, we get to be together all the time.
We're crazy about each other. My parents will each surely give birth to identical white mewling kittens when they discover my plans but after much thought, moving in with my long, lean Irish beau only seems natural.
This, I could never have imagined.
AbwehrKanone66 appeared. He had gotten my gift and was thrilled. I never thought I could be so happy - I was basking in the glow of what I felt was a mutual, loving attraction. When things went terribly wrong shortly thereafter, I was gutted, devastated, took to wearing black from head to toe and lost 25 pounds in a matter of weeks. I started college weighed down by a pall of heartbroken misery and constantly thought back to the few short months when things had seemed beautiful. I thought, too, about the stupid manatee - a complete waste of caring sentiment on such a lying, cheating manchild.
With time, things improved, as they always do. I slowly began to date - first, a college sweetheart and, after our breakup, strings of pompous, drunken New York City nimrods. I suffered through another lethal unrequited infatuation at the age of 23 and once rid of that, like a mangy dog shaking off its aggressive fleas, I tried my hand at dating again only to be annoyed by more New York City idiots. At 26, I swore off romance for good. I was, after all, heterosexual poison. My history had shown me no other possibility.
One and a half years after that declaration, and 10 years to the day after I waited, pining by the computer, for the ultimately poisonous and deceitful AbwehrKanone66 to flash onto my screen, my boyfriend and I gave a real estate agent our "okay" for an apartment we would like to move into. It is more than twice the size of the ones we live in now, half the price, and in a location mere steps away from the train station. Best of all, we get to be together all the time.
We're crazy about each other. My parents will each surely give birth to identical white mewling kittens when they discover my plans but after much thought, moving in with my long, lean Irish beau only seems natural.
This, I could never have imagined.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Are you a pink, or a blue state?
Sheer stimulation encircles my brain, and a deep delight cradles my heart as I behold a female and African American vie for democratic presidency. We can finally see the fruits of the feminist and civil rights movements being plucked from such an overripe crop as Hillary and Obama reach for a previously Anglo-male prize.
Yet, over-zealous “hurrahs” do not draw me to my key pad. What intrigues me about the 2008 presidential race is that despite both aspirants representing marginalized groups, are the age old partialities of men vs. women still rooted deeply among voters? Is patriarchy still plaguing America’s collective consciousness and, I wonder, does gender bias exceed racial discrimination.
I don’t know.
If past instances are a precedent for today’s outcomes, then a person could conclude that Mississippi’s Hiram Revels, the first black male to be elected senator in 1870 and Arkansas’ Hattie Caraway, the first female, voted senator in 1932, shows that an African American male was revered as a more suitable candidate for politics before a female. Similarly, the 14th and 15th amendments gave black males the right to vote 50 years before women, showing that racial barriers are not made from the same materials as gender bias.
Still, what true feelings resonate in the hearts of American voters?
In Faye Fiore & Peter Nicholas’ recent LA Times article, The question that almost wasn't asked , a New Hampshire woman, Marianne Pernold Young, asked Hillary during a Q&A, "As a woman, I know it's hard to get out of the house and get ready. My question is very personal. How do you do it?" Hillary’s response was a misty eyed, “It's not easy, it's not easy,” which highlighted her softer side, and gave way to a response about her sincerity in wanting to shape a better America. Pernold Young sympathized with Clinton. Who wouldn’t, right?
In my private life I feel the constant pressure to appear put together and without normal human weakness. And, as a woman in the work force, I have had male bosses spout, “Women are too emotional…irrational,” and “I’ve never understood women.” Thus, I try to iron out the emotional creases in my public-self so that my male counterparts can shed the idea of me being overemotional and therefore, the weaker sex. And, when I try to show empathy, I’m often viewed as being motherly; when I show openness, I’m the over-sensitive girl. Conversely, if I stand my ground or delegate, I’m bitchy; when I remain resolute, I’m cold and unresponsive. Likewise, as soon as Clinton shed her vulnerable side and delved back into serious political issues, Pernold Yound was disenchanted and decided to vote for Obama.
Why the drastic turn?
After Clinton’s choked up response, Times writers posed the query: Had [Clinton] managed to appear human without appearing frail? Fiore and Nicholas unwittingly salted the issue of an ongoing female plight: Is it possible to resolve the Betty Crocker vs. crazy bitch dichotomy? To put it more mildly, can a woman resolve showing sensitivity, or vulnerability without appearing weak, and can she be firm without being labeled unhuman? Can a woman cohesively blend her stern and sensitive sides while still managing to escape being dubbed as either devoid of feeling, or a frail, overemotional train wreck?
A woman is multifaceted, but if she hints at vulnerability and sheds a tear or two, she’s judged as someone who fuels decisions and strategies with emotion and not rationalization. And when she shows objective, hardnosed strategy she is deemed impassive or as Simone points out amid her post, a bitch. These aspects upset me.
I am upset that the compartmentalization or polarizations of female facets leave womankind stranded on and Isle of suppressed potential. It upsets me that, especially in public, a woman has to appear put together and without flaw but at the same time be a non-threatening, sensitive, mother-like figure; ironically, when a woman tries to toggle back and forth between the two personas she alienates those around her who want Marry Poppins in combat boots, but can’t handle the reality of such a figure.
Listen, I’m not trying to box everyone in, or claim that the whole U.S. feels the way Pernold Young, or whoever else might feel. I’m merely exploring one of the hardships that women (in power) endure. And yes, I’m fully aware that racism rages on to this day. Maybe I’m wrong on all accounts of such bias…I hope so.
Also, my intentions were not to espouse my political agenda or rally for a certain candidate because, truthfully, I’m not sure who I’ll cast my vote for. For me, at the end of the day, it’s not woman vs. man. I follow right vs. wrong and besides, what kind of feminist would I be if I didn’t follow truth and righteous.
Yet, over-zealous “hurrahs” do not draw me to my key pad. What intrigues me about the 2008 presidential race is that despite both aspirants representing marginalized groups, are the age old partialities of men vs. women still rooted deeply among voters? Is patriarchy still plaguing America’s collective consciousness and, I wonder, does gender bias exceed racial discrimination.
I don’t know.
If past instances are a precedent for today’s outcomes, then a person could conclude that Mississippi’s Hiram Revels, the first black male to be elected senator in 1870 and Arkansas’ Hattie Caraway, the first female, voted senator in 1932, shows that an African American male was revered as a more suitable candidate for politics before a female. Similarly, the 14th and 15th amendments gave black males the right to vote 50 years before women, showing that racial barriers are not made from the same materials as gender bias.
Still, what true feelings resonate in the hearts of American voters?
In Faye Fiore & Peter Nicholas’ recent LA Times article, The question that almost wasn't asked , a New Hampshire woman, Marianne Pernold Young, asked Hillary during a Q&A, "As a woman, I know it's hard to get out of the house and get ready. My question is very personal. How do you do it?" Hillary’s response was a misty eyed, “It's not easy, it's not easy,” which highlighted her softer side, and gave way to a response about her sincerity in wanting to shape a better America. Pernold Young sympathized with Clinton. Who wouldn’t, right?
In my private life I feel the constant pressure to appear put together and without normal human weakness. And, as a woman in the work force, I have had male bosses spout, “Women are too emotional…irrational,” and “I’ve never understood women.” Thus, I try to iron out the emotional creases in my public-self so that my male counterparts can shed the idea of me being overemotional and therefore, the weaker sex. And, when I try to show empathy, I’m often viewed as being motherly; when I show openness, I’m the over-sensitive girl. Conversely, if I stand my ground or delegate, I’m bitchy; when I remain resolute, I’m cold and unresponsive. Likewise, as soon as Clinton shed her vulnerable side and delved back into serious political issues, Pernold Yound was disenchanted and decided to vote for Obama.
Why the drastic turn?
After Clinton’s choked up response, Times writers posed the query: Had [Clinton] managed to appear human without appearing frail? Fiore and Nicholas unwittingly salted the issue of an ongoing female plight: Is it possible to resolve the Betty Crocker vs. crazy bitch dichotomy? To put it more mildly, can a woman resolve showing sensitivity, or vulnerability without appearing weak, and can she be firm without being labeled unhuman? Can a woman cohesively blend her stern and sensitive sides while still managing to escape being dubbed as either devoid of feeling, or a frail, overemotional train wreck?
A woman is multifaceted, but if she hints at vulnerability and sheds a tear or two, she’s judged as someone who fuels decisions and strategies with emotion and not rationalization. And when she shows objective, hardnosed strategy she is deemed impassive or as Simone points out amid her post, a bitch. These aspects upset me.
I am upset that the compartmentalization or polarizations of female facets leave womankind stranded on and Isle of suppressed potential. It upsets me that, especially in public, a woman has to appear put together and without flaw but at the same time be a non-threatening, sensitive, mother-like figure; ironically, when a woman tries to toggle back and forth between the two personas she alienates those around her who want Marry Poppins in combat boots, but can’t handle the reality of such a figure.
Listen, I’m not trying to box everyone in, or claim that the whole U.S. feels the way Pernold Young, or whoever else might feel. I’m merely exploring one of the hardships that women (in power) endure. And yes, I’m fully aware that racism rages on to this day. Maybe I’m wrong on all accounts of such bias…I hope so.
Also, my intentions were not to espouse my political agenda or rally for a certain candidate because, truthfully, I’m not sure who I’ll cast my vote for. For me, at the end of the day, it’s not woman vs. man. I follow right vs. wrong and besides, what kind of feminist would I be if I didn’t follow truth and righteous.
"stop bein' a bitch and come on!"
i am in the process of recording some voices for a short animated piece. as the only woman involved in this process, i was the only one who was dismayed to read the word "bitch" in the script, in reference to a woman. (there's also an exchange involving the phrase "don't rape me!" which i absolutely refuse to say...but that's a whoooooole 'nother story...)
with a number of other colorful expletives at our disposal in this day and age, why is it that 'bitch' is always the default insult hurled at women?
when i meditate upon my own usage of the term, i realize i use it for two distinct purposes:
1) in a self-deprecating manner, when referring to behavior i am not proud of, e.g., "god, i am being such a bitch right now!"
2) when describing a man who is displaying behavior i believe to be unacceptable. please refer to exhibit a, the title of this post, which is a direct quote from the 90's film friday.
i feel no qualms about using 'bitch' to refer to myself or men i dislike, but i am careful not to use it in reference to other women, even those who i may dislike with a fervent passion. in my mind, doing so would be out of line with my feminist ideals. bitch, like slut, is a word that i try to avoid using, period...well, except when it is used to describe a man or men, in which case i use it with reckless abandon! (what a sexist hypocrite i am!)
all of this makes me think about 'bitch' is defined in our culture. to me, it seems that bitchy women are usually conceived of as those who either a) possess too many 'manly' characteristics (assertive, bold, tough), or b) are just evil and conniving in ways that only women can be (epitome of the mean-ass woman from hell). with this in mind, my conception of the male bitch turns the former definition on its head. a bitchy man is weak and lacks figurative balls - characteristics generally attributed to women, but in my definition only describes a particular breed of jackass man. in plain and simple terms, he's a weenie and a wimp.
this whole thing feels somehow connected to the way in which i delight in using male-derived phrases like "don't break my balls" or happily commenting that badass girls with moxie "have cohones." it's too bad i don't derive the same pleasure from reciting sassy phrases referring to my own, true female anatomy...why is that? maybe one day, i'll be confident and bold enough to say things like, "i got tits" and have it not be a sexual thing...but will there ever be a day when women's bodies will become less hypersexualized? sigh. not likely, in my book.
in the end, i managed to have 'bitch' removed from the scene in question. it was replaced with a snide, sneering 'sweetheart'...such a small victory, but a feather in my cap nonetheless!
* special thanks to taberlykim for writing the grrrreat piece below, which finally inspired me to get off my behind and WRITE SOMETHING! you are a badass, and you definitely have cohones! *
with a number of other colorful expletives at our disposal in this day and age, why is it that 'bitch' is always the default insult hurled at women?
when i meditate upon my own usage of the term, i realize i use it for two distinct purposes:
1) in a self-deprecating manner, when referring to behavior i am not proud of, e.g., "god, i am being such a bitch right now!"
2) when describing a man who is displaying behavior i believe to be unacceptable. please refer to exhibit a, the title of this post, which is a direct quote from the 90's film friday.
i feel no qualms about using 'bitch' to refer to myself or men i dislike, but i am careful not to use it in reference to other women, even those who i may dislike with a fervent passion. in my mind, doing so would be out of line with my feminist ideals. bitch, like slut, is a word that i try to avoid using, period...well, except when it is used to describe a man or men, in which case i use it with reckless abandon! (what a sexist hypocrite i am!)
all of this makes me think about 'bitch' is defined in our culture. to me, it seems that bitchy women are usually conceived of as those who either a) possess too many 'manly' characteristics (assertive, bold, tough), or b) are just evil and conniving in ways that only women can be (epitome of the mean-ass woman from hell). with this in mind, my conception of the male bitch turns the former definition on its head. a bitchy man is weak and lacks figurative balls - characteristics generally attributed to women, but in my definition only describes a particular breed of jackass man. in plain and simple terms, he's a weenie and a wimp.
this whole thing feels somehow connected to the way in which i delight in using male-derived phrases like "don't break my balls" or happily commenting that badass girls with moxie "have cohones." it's too bad i don't derive the same pleasure from reciting sassy phrases referring to my own, true female anatomy...why is that? maybe one day, i'll be confident and bold enough to say things like, "i got tits" and have it not be a sexual thing...but will there ever be a day when women's bodies will become less hypersexualized? sigh. not likely, in my book.
in the end, i managed to have 'bitch' removed from the scene in question. it was replaced with a snide, sneering 'sweetheart'...such a small victory, but a feather in my cap nonetheless!
* special thanks to taberlykim for writing the grrrreat piece below, which finally inspired me to get off my behind and WRITE SOMETHING! you are a badass, and you definitely have cohones! *
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)