new career have severely affected my internetting habits for which I apologize - Women's Writes is such a great movement and I've seen a lot of great posts here since it began. I really wish I had posted more often. I read a post here yesterday by the wonderful miss Simone that finally inspired me to move my rear end and add my two cents.
In her last post, Simone writes on the topic of female vulnerability. When I read her post, my thoughts immediately went to a conversation I had recently had with another female teacher at my school. She told me that one night, she was coming home on the subway and had an experience quite similar to Simone's when a creepy fellow began to follow her and ask her leading questions. She didn't choose earphones to ward off the scumbucket, however - she chose an imaginary boyfriend.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I have to go. My boyfriend is waiting for me and I need to meet him." The would-be pervert nodded and vanished without another word.
When she told me this story, I was relieved that the creep had gone away, but I couldn't help thinking howunfortunate it was that she had had to invent a man as a form of protection. Worse, the knowledge that despite my own raging aversion to depending on men, I might have very well done the same thing. A would-be attacker seems to think preying on a lone female is
fine but often backs off when a big, strong man is in the picture - someone who could potentially give him trouble. The lie often comes instinctively in a big, spastic blurt before one can remember their wits: "I'm sorry, I don't know the time but I have to go because
my boyfriend is waiting for me. Yep, I sure love Gunther - I'm so proud of him! He's a second-degree blackbelt in karate and he might make the third degree tonight...!"
A similar lie is often told when an undesirable fellow asks us out: "I'm flattered," we gush, "... but, unfortunately, I have a boyfriend." We rationalize the lie by telling ourselves that it is the quickest, easiest way to spare the other guy's feelings, but what the lie actually says is "I don't have the strength and confidence to say 'no' to you because I want to - I need to invent another man to provide a viable excuse as to why I don't want to date you."
Despite having used this ploy at times in my life, I resent it. I resent that after centuries of attempts to be viewed as equal to men - gaining the vote, demanding control over our bodies, carving out financially and emotionally independent lives - we still sometimes resort to needing male protection. Somehow, even the imaginary threat of a man seems to be better protection than, say, our pepper spray or even our ipod earphones.
As I type this, I am chatting via IM with my (male) friend back home for feedback. He says he doesn't see why it is so bad for females to need male protection - women are, after all, generally weaker/smaller thanmen ("And wait, you weren't upset when I walked you home from work that night, were you??"); therefore it's a fact of life that we might need male protection from other males. I know my friend means well but I am nonetheless getting upset. And I am probably getting upset because I know that ultimately, he has a point.
I know I'm physically smaller and weaker than a man. I know that in nature, animals fear what might hurt them and at 4'11" and under 100 pounds I just don't pose that threat. I know that when I walk home with my 6 foot tall boyfriend (who actually is a 2nd degree black belt in karate) I am more likely to seem like too much trouble to deal with. I know that even if I,
too, became a black belt in karate or an ace with a knife I would still seem like an easy target on sight if I walked home alone at night - until I donned a yellow jumpsuit and with my katana blade slit the rat bastard from navel to nose (yes, I watched Kill Bill last night). Until I can do that, though (and the chances of that are likely to none) I know I am still an easier target than a man.
And that is a thought I absolutely hate.
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