I was having a conversation with some friends about stinky feet in a movie theatre and the subject shifted to things that a person would do/be in order for us to not call them back after the first date... or break up with them if we were together. So i started contemplating my own list of "dealbreakers." i didn't really need to have one for the past 15 years of serial monogamy, so i decided it was time to put it in concrete terms for my adventures in dating. Here's what I have so far (feel free to add to this--it should be a lively discussion):
Depression
Drug or alcohol addiction
For these two, it's a matter of being an equal partner in a relationship. It's really unfair for one person to be the Rock all of the time. Love and emotional support should balance out.
Treats people like shit, a.k.a. asshole
Openly violent and adamantly racist, sexist, anti-gay statements
These things are ugly. I was talking to a guy recently about making dinner plans. Went something like this--
K: Where do you want to go for dinner? I know of a really good place for cheap.
Guy: Why don't we just meet at my house and you can cook for me? I'm hungry.
Ugly grill: to the point of tooth decay, gum disease and halitosis
Shorter than me
Yes, yes, call me a superficial bitch, but I think these things are important for intimacy. (e.g. kissing while standing) I'm not that tall to begin with, so it would be some feat to be shorter than me.
If he tries to tell me who i can see/talk to/hang out with
It's such a turn off for my partner to tell me what to do or how to live my life, especially if he says he doesn't want me to hang out with certain friends. If you don't trust me, stay away. If you're controlling, stay away.
If he hates my family.
It's somewhat bearable if my family thinks he's only so-so, but if he adamantly hates any member of my family for it he needs to go. It goes back to treating people with dignity and respect.
Bedroom incompatibility
Goes without saying.
That's all I have so far. I'd love to hear your stories!
4 comments:
Taberlykim, I read an article years and years ago in Seventeen or Teen or something like that that suggested teen girls make a list just like the one you did. It was supposed to help us keep our heads on straight when choosing a boyfriend - something to refer to when trying to remember why we even wanted a boyfriend in the first place. I think I remember putting "extreme height" and "evil grin" on my list. If I'd put "deal breakers" on my list, they might have been something like "non-extreme height" and "boring grin." These days my deal breakers are more in line with yours. Add "shows up for the date hungover," "self-absorption," "inability to show how he feels about you," and, of course, "on and off indifference." Dating can really be discouraging but I like what you're really waiting for ....
sorry, that last line should have read: "i like to think that dating is the preamble to what you're really waiting for." As in, the shining good guy at the finish line of the race of morons.
a few of my biggies are:
1. belief in God
2. female/male equality
3. wants kids
4. willing to compromise/not be extremely selfish
5. willing to spice things up every now and then!!!
6. smart...I have no use -- well, almost no use ;p -- for a trophy boyfriend/husband!!
p.s. good post!!
update: fidelity! cheaters need not apply!!
dolly
Post a Comment